Anxiety then depression

[Rangatira]

Hey peeps

first time post.

i got anxiety from being different im quiet and don't like attention even positive.i was outgoing over driven with things that I would do eg.if I had some sort of vision I would make it happen full stop.in my mind I can do anything.im a builder/carpenter and also have built race cars.skate surf weekly.have been sponcerd in the past.

I was hit by a lot of judgment to the point where I would get anxious.people(workers) would watch me work because of the pace and the enthusiasm I had.i watched them try to as they say get in people's heads(mindgames)I seen groups of people target people on these work sites.after putting up with this for years it slowly broke my confidence and I would get anxious at work.to the point where anxiety had set in solid.i left that job any was hit with the same thing at another job(new)I went in with a unsettled mind tense serious.i quit that job as the bullying got very bad.

anxiety made me slowly stop doing what I like.because being judged had been woven into my thought pattern.then came depression i have been fighting this by myself for 8 months it's been the hardest thing I've ever done.my partner is not very supportive.i tryed explaining but there was no getting threw.i also lost my licence so I was home bound all summer 6 months was very hard.ive never taken meds and never stopped fighting it.never stopped working and try my hardest to stay active.its been very hard but I'm getting threw it.i told childhood friends and they also didn't understand telling surrounding friends(saying I'm loosing it)I also tried to tell a friend I work with and it was spread threw my new job.witch made me feel betrayed.and even worse.coming to the end of this I'm starting not to care but I don't want to be to Mutch of a a$$hole finding the happy medium.keep fighting it I've found my character is taking a change but the old character was a victim.that was by far hell I'm still not full recoved.but never give up and adapt.i feel for people that have to go threw this.

get well people.love you all

[White_Rose]

Dear Rangatira

Wow, you have certainly been through the mill. Welcome to Beyond Blue and many thanks for your post.

If I understand you correctly you are still working and now have your driving licence back. You have a partner who not very supportive. And you are also a very determined person. Bullied at work. Yes I know these toxic workplaces, especially those where bullying is ignored and the victim left to fend for themselves. Not nice.

The biggest problem for those with depression is the lack of correct information out there in the community. Plus the stereotypical image of those with depression. Get yourself informed by exploring the BB web site and reading the information on depression. There is also information for family and friends. You can download this information or ask BB to send you printed copies.

Getting to the not caring stage is a worry. You have tried your hardest on your own, now it's time to get professional help. This is not a sign of weakness or lack of ability. The reality is that others have expertise and can look at your difficulties far more objectively than you can. Sad but true.

I really urge you to visit your GP and have a chat. Whether you take medication or not is up to you. The doc may not even suggest it. There may be suggestions of other treatments. It's all up to you but I do recommend you give it a go.

The bullying has left its mark on you and at the least you could do with someone to help you with this. I know because I was very severely bullied and I am still recovering several years on. It's a dreadful situation and so senselessly cruel. But that's people for you. They need to feel their power or bring down those who work harder or better than they do. Sad.

Yes, depression does change you. But you know what? It's not all bad. You will find you become more tolerant of others, more caring and far less likely to judge others. Not that I am advocating becoming depressed as a way to compassion, but if it hits you, use it to your advantage.

Please write in again.

Mary

[Rangatira]

Hey Mary thanks for the advice,I went and seen a counsellor,witch was alright then a pshyciatrist witch was better.im still finding it a little hard with all the people I'm around sort of putting kicks in while I'm down.saying I've lost it.im in another country with no fam or close friends.the Freinds and people I have sort of make it worse with cheeky gestures and jokes about being crazy.my pshycologist said I have a very sharp but busy mind witch tends to think to Much and loose track of what I'm doing.witch tends to give you a outer body exp. stuck in your own head.my triggers are neg judgment from bullying/jealousy.i try to be the best I can.some people don't like seeing people with drive and goals.(those people that are quick to say it won't work or it's a waste of time).i found it hard explaining to people what it's been like.and trying to make people understand.so since that didn't work I gave up on people as I only received the old who cares harden up advice.its been hard on my own but I'm starting to have a who cares approach to it.as I don't really have a choice.im still not working barely getting by.if this psychology/counciling doesn't work I will have to sell up and move back to my country(split up with my partner of 8 years)the only way to get back to living.i see her a hour at the most a day.she works as a skydiver and skydives on her days off.ive asked her to just spend a little time with me as she's the closest person to me.and my anxiety disapares when I'm with her.she hasn't tried.but if anyone else needs her,her Freinds she's there I don't understand.she cried when I said I'm going if I'm not rid of this anxiety soon.my pshyciatrist is teaching me a lot like sooooo much.i just hope it works..thank you for your time

[White_Rose]

Dear Rangatira

Thank you for getting back to us. Great to hear you are getting some professional help. I'm a little confused. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist or both? You speak about both in your post. Not that it matters so long as you are getting all the help you need.

I am sad to hear you and your girlfriend and separated. It is lonely on your own and when you hit a bad patch the world seems very dark. The useful part about it is that you know where you are in regard to GF. It may not sound very positive but it stops you stressing over the relationship. If you can, stop asking to see her. It will push her further away as she is unable to help you at the moment and probably feels a bit guilty.

Relationships are often a casualty of depression, but it is often more difficult to cope living with someone who cannot or will not support you. You cannot change other people, only yourself. And that goes for the people you work with. Ignoring their comments will probably stop the harassment as they will lose their fun. I also suggest you stop telling your workmates anything about your depression, asking for their support or advice. None of them have any understanding or insight into depression so you are wasting your time while giving them a target to make fun of.

Go to the home page of BB and look under the picture at the topic boxes. Explore the topics there. Click on the arrow on the right hand side which will scroll to another set of topics. Click on Man Therapy and explore that web site.

Also put Men's Sheds into your search engine and see if there is one in your area. It's a good place to go to talk to other men over a coffee and learn some new skills. You have carpentry and other experience which will be welcomed. A man at my church produces the most lovely wood turning which he carries out at the local Men's Shed. Many of these men have had experiences similar to yours and are happy to talk about depression etc. No unkindness there.

These are the sorts of organisations that help you to manage when you are going through a rough patch and they are not expensive.

These are a couple of suggestions for you. Also, when you feel down try phoning the BB helpline. It is available 24/7 and the number is 1300 22 4636. These people will be able to give you some support and advice.

Hope to hear from you again.

Mary

[Rangatira]

Hey Mary

glad to say my anxiety has 99 percent gone for 9 days now day after I last posted.no more nightmares.no awkward/panic/worrying/depression/overthinking/negative .and the answer for me was BEING PRESSENT.i had days when I felt on top of the world not known why.when my mind was my own.now it's mine everyday.everything came off me layer by layer.as I thought of it it disapares.I'm back to my self.and have the power to overcome any situation.I'm in the transition of letting anxiety being there for situations it should naturally be in.my life has spun 180.all my freinds are coming back.thank you for your support.im still seeing my psychologist but it's mainly to further my knowledge on the human mind.hes very happy with my recovery as it took two sessions before a light just went bang.i hope the same does for other people on here.this is one of the most valuable assets I own to date.being PRESSENT allows me to not think about past or future problems.it give me the power to control thought and not let it control me.making the choice to clearly think about problems when they arise or the option to not let it cloud my mind.i started by taking cold showers and really feeling the cold.then from patting my dog and taking notice of the hair.to concentrating while driving to really tasting things.then bang totally PRESSENT in the moment no worrying.then my personality started coming back.thank you Mary and all for your help.will keep in touch. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Rangatira

Congratulations. It is wonderful that you feel so much better. Stay with your psychologist for a while to consolidate your hard-won progress. This last past is so important.

Mary