Hi all! I've been struggling with mental health issues for ages. I was
institutionalized and it was discussed I could have manic depression but
nothing was ever solid. 8 years on, I'm still struggling and haven't had
a firm diagnoses. The psychologis...
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Hi all! I've been struggling with mental health issues for ages. I was
institutionalized and it was discussed I could have manic depression but
nothing was ever solid. 8 years on, I'm still struggling and haven't had
a firm diagnoses. The psychologist I'm seeing now is incredible and
she's teaching me to not self-pity and to move on past a diagnoses. She
wants me not to cling onto the idea that something is wrong with me,
that I don't need to prove anything to those who didn't support me
during my darkest times (my family). She believes I love the dramatic
lifestyle and that I thrive on people's pity. I agreed with her, but
it's been a month or two after we came to that realization and I still
find I have great difficulty 1) feeling anything, 2) controlling my
emotions, 3) controlling myself altogether. My partner believes I have
mood swings, I get into very obvious bouts of anger and jealousy. I spit
mean things at him then the next day or a couple of hours later, I
apologize and admit that's not the normal me, nor who I want to be. I
don't know who I am, I feel like I'm constantly changing. The yesterday
me is not the today me, the 12pm me is not the 2pm me. I'm also
constantly empty/bored. I feel like there is a switch in my brain I
can't control. From battling with this for years, I would self-diagnose
as Borderline Personality Disorder. However it's so difficult to not
doubt yourself after my psych told me what she did. I can't tell if I'm
just being 'dramatic' because for years I've been searching for the
reason I'm like this, or if there is actually a legitimate reason. I
can't tell what I should do with taking the next step forward. Should I
seek out a psychiatrist that's happy to help diagnose me, or should I
just keep believing that I don't need that confirmation and continue
therapy with my current psychologist? I'm scared that if I get
diagnosed, I'd put myself in a box and excuse my actions for it. Thanks
for reading all this. Any response, even if it doesn't offer any advice,
is welcome