Alone Forever

[BeKindRewind4Life]

Hi,

I'm new here, well not that new I was on before but my account went AWOL, the posts are still there so I know it's nothing I said. But... besides that. Does anyone here have an issue with meeting someone or talking to women. (I'm a guy). The deal is, that I was put on disability for anxiety and severe depression many years ago, and even though, I tried, and tried, and ...... tried, to get a job, both by myself and through the almost pointless government job network, I never struck gold. Only employers paying below minimum wage, or hiring me to take over the job of two employees with that workload, taking the jobs only to be shown the door, one when I wanted to be paid legally, the other when the workload got too much, which happened rather quickly as the employer knew he was cutting corners and too cheap to get two people, like he had before me.

All this has resulted in, well 8 years of being on disability, and unlike others I've been assessed as being unable to work, not because I can't but because well, I don't gel with the way the system works, especially the job network because I wanted them to help me get into a paid starting position like an apprenticeship or training to get my life back.

Now at the grand old age of almost 36 I am ineligible for any programs to get help, I don't even get reviewed or offered assistance because I'm over 35, and I'm exhausted. I could work a few days a week but no one, will give me a chance, ever, I actually bought a house in a town with no jobs, (west coast tas) and very little hope of employment. I was shocked that there was a job going cleaning toilets here....so I took my half uni degree (left because my mum has terminal cancer and it was impacting greatly), my 4 year old Cert IV - Networking qualification and applied, because I'll do anything just to have the chance of a job....why? when not even centrelink wants to get me back into the workforce? even though I cope better now days and could manage my anxiety working a few days a week.

Well simply put, I feel worthless, not to my self but to anyone I might even consider talking to with a romantic interest, I've convinced my self that any women who is still single at my age won't be looking for a man with a lower income, I sometimes wonder if the need to be with someone and feel less alone in this world isn't enough? I never even attempt to talk to anyone I like because, I'm ashamed of my life, my worth, and my value to anyone else.

[Croix]

Dear BeKindRewind4Life~

Having the double hassles of unemployment and a severe anxiety/depression condition is a very hard thing to deal with, and you are doing just that. It takes a lot of strength and determination to persevere and I'm in admiration that you would try for that job despite all.

Sadly such a life can take its toll, leaving you feeling you are outside the mainstream and of lesser value - which is of course nonsense. I would think someone with your strength would have an awful lot to offer another. Also the caring nature to cease studies when your mum needed you. I would think any barrier to being with another is not your circumstances or lack of wealth, but simply your own discouraged view of yourself (something others would not see anyway).

I was approaching middle age, with a long MH history, unemployed with little financial resources and met and married my partner. We have been happy together ever since. So it does happen.

How to change your view of yourself? I'd suggest a couple of things, first do something that gives you pride and accomplishment. If no paid jobs are available then what would you think of volunteering? Normally one can find something that appeals. I most certainly have.

Second treat yourself. By that I mean have something very day to do that you enjoy and look forward to. In time if you are like me you will realize you are worthy of being rewarded -plus I tend to choose activities that take my mind away from everyday life - an added bonus. I use books, movies, a walk. Do you have things like that?

I hope you return and talk some more

Croix

[BeKindRewind4Life]

Croix,

Hi, and thankyou for your kind and positive words. I am happy that life got better for you towards middle age, it must be wonderful just not to be alone.

I haven't volunteered for years, because I always used to go from giving up my free time, to being on call constantly for peoples technical issues, a pitfall of having a strong IT education. There aren't many places around here to volunteer, and if there are, they are difficult to get to without a car, it rains 336 days a year where I live now so that makes it difficult.

I also use books, but in a different way, I'm usually teaching my self how to do something technical like learn a new programming language, I also paint, that profile picture was one of my paintings, I hadn't really painted for 14 years, so it was my first, I finished it recently so it looks different, but I need to get more paints.

I tried to connect with a employment agency, but I unfortunately couldn't register with them because there was the danger I would get reviewed and I am on disability which pays for non-pbs meds I have to take which cost hundreds each month, and I couldn't risk it. I was also made aware they don't have any real connections with the business community so it's not like they could put me in contact with employers wanting to hire people from a empathetic point of view to help people get on their feet again.

Thanks for the reply, it brought some hope to an otherwise gloomy outlook 🙂

[smallwolf]

BeKindRewind4Life,

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

It sounds to me like your main issue relates to lack of employment and the effect that would have on you finding a relationship. Is that correct? You said you were having problems getting work. I just wonder what would happen if you wrote (email) your local member about your situation, and what reply you might receive. And when I refer to your local member, you could make that your local council, state, or federal member, or all of the above.

OR

Could you use your IT skills to create a business, remote support or otherwise for local people? Just today I was helping someone fix some computer and printer problems. Yup! As you said, when they know you have IT skills. But that might be a possibility?

Regarding the no car issue... if there were some community group or volunteer position, then somebody might be able to pick you up? (I don't know how large the town/city is where you live.)

Lastly, Croix made a number of good suggestions about rewarding yourself. Please (re-)consider those?

Tim

[Croix]

Dear BKR4L (sorry about that, hope you don't mind)~

I quite understand about not stirring things up, medications are a huge expense at times.

I shamelessly copied a quote:

"Leonardo da Vinci was the ultimate ‘autodictat’ (someone who taught himself everything)."

He also could know out a pretty acceptable (alleged) self-portrait using monochrome, as well as Ms del Giocondo-in-the-Louvre using full oils. Perhaps you might be able to resume some sort of artwork on an economy basis? What do you think. Such creative task can be pretty absorbing.

Yes it is indeed wonderful not to be alone, but I'm nothing special, just fortunate. It does happen.

As for volunteering, true you are making a rod for you own back admitting to IT skills, not only is there always a queue of not-technical but after you have done something and it does not work as expected it's your fault:(

Why not spend a day honing you search skills and find a citizen science project that takes your fancy, not all are done in isolation. There are 1,200 on the scistarter site alone.

Then again there is the Aust. Nat. Library (Trove) proofreading 18th century newspapers. There are all sorts.

I know, it can be irritating to be given suggestions, however I've been in the situation of being too close, too despondent, and not having enough faith in me. So I've just popped in a couple.

Croix