Bad Phycologist-vent!

[Peacefuldove]

Hi everyone,

So I know that due to everything that's going on in the world right now, I know that there is probably a lot worse and far off going on right now. But this is something that I have been wanting to discuss for a while now, and something that I feel like not many people talk about.

So a few months ago I started seeing a phycologist that my sister had recommended to me. I've had severe depression years now but it had mainly triggered again, after the first guy who I fell for completely started ignoring me, so basically I had felt like trash at the time and I had lost two really close friends of mine at the time.

after that the first phycologist I ever saw seemed like she was always in a hurry, the next one I saw were nice but more felt like I was in a job interview, the one after that seemed to more forget things that I would tell her.

so for a while I had felt like giving up and not bothering for a while and had just managed to cure a lot of things myself.

I was so focused now on other things, getting my life on track, stressful job etc, that boys weren't even on my mind and was more wanting to get my mental health on track. But then I had accidentally met someone as you do.

To cut a long story short, we had connected straight away, had long conversations on the way to work, ended up asking me out, went really well, dropped me home, told me that he will see me in the usual spot that we meet up, talked a bit that night-then poof! Never heard from him again.

So I just thought the normal thing, weren't actually nterested in me, just wanted one thing etc. But he had told me that night that he might have cancer, but he wouldn't talk about it and there were times when he had looked unwell.

So a part of me thought that it was a lot to do with that, or if he was just completely ghosting me. But because he was genuinely really sick, and did not know what was going on I ended eventually confronting him as nervous as I was, asking him if he was okay, then I would be able to move on.

I ended up telling my phycologist this story, because even my friend's and family who were just as pessimistic as me told me that I did the right thing.

However my phycologist said a lot of rude things to me and came across really rude to me. I left the session feeling completely humiliated!

I was just wondering if this sort of thing had ever happened to anyone or if anyone had a similar experience at all?? I was left for words and felt completely modified!!

[Guest_1643]

hi Always Forgotten -

i am shaking my fists in resounding agreement to everything you have written. I guess what i wrote was too simplistic - communication is key, but arrogant health professionals will never engage in helpful or humble communication, and will gaslight and deny responsibility whatever you say.

To put it another way, I completely and totally agree with you.

I've read a bit about the recovery model of mental health (distinct from the medical model) and a big part of it is that the patient is knowledgable in their own care. The doctors certainly know a lot, but living in your own body as yourself, there are certain things you'll know best about yourself.

Yes, even and above those narcisstic doctors.

[Jojomo]

Hi,

I have gone through numerous councillors and psychologists. One was extremely rude to me and I had another who humiliated me. It is so hard to find a good councillor or psych and some are just outright terrible. It is so bad when this happens when you are suffering. I myself have depression and anxiety and constantly feel like the world is out to get me so people like this send me into a spin.

I hope you find someone good. I have now and she is the best. It helps to have someone good to talk to.

[AlwaysForgotten]

Hi jojomo,

Hopefully this may help. While we may never reach the same level of knowledge or education as someone who has spent years in the field, one thing that is not beyond our understanding is being able to differentiate the good from the bad. My wife and I almost have a checklist now which we mentally go through to determine if the doctor is competent.

• Do they acknowledge when they have misunderstood what was said or blame you for saying it wrong
• Do they write down accurately what they were told or paraphrase it to be something completely different to the main points you were making
• Do they remember things they were told previously & show they are dealing with you as a person & not "a patient"
• If they make a statement of what they think may be happening, do they ACTIVELY take steps to prove/disprove their hypothesis or just expect their statement to be the "end" of it
• When asked for further clarification on a specific point, do they willingly & happily go into more detail or try to dismiss you
• Do they follow through on what they SAY they are going to do, or do you just get empty words to placate you & no action gets taken

The number of times we have had doctors who forget astoundingly important things (I had to stop one doctor from injecting my wife with something she is deathly allergic to because they were not familiar with her chart that had warning stickers plastered all over it), or pull up another doctor who told us they were organising her ongoing necessary medication only to be told by the nurse the doctor didn't do it (forcing me to rush out on a weekend to get it for her because their pharmacy was closed).

At the end of the day, nobody is going to take care of you as well as you take care of yourself, so never settle for terrible doctors or accept them behaving anything other than professional. You have every right to politely pull them up when they are doing the wrong thing.

[Guest_1643]

Hi AlwaysForgotten, thank you for that list it is very helpful
I saw a con-man psychiatrist at one point and have added a few to the list, I hope you don't mind

- Are they always hurried when they see you, and do they sometimes cut sessions short to deal with their own time management issues

- Do they offer clear info about the way they practise, the rules of the practise (re cancellation fees, if you come late, and when they are available after hours)

- Do they have an attitude that "whatever happens happens" kind of leaving you alone to manage pain, or do they have a way to make you feel that the pain is shared and seen and cared about

- Do they ever sleep in sessions? Even appear to be dozing off?

-Do they put down other therapists or types of therapies, trying to make it appear as if only they can help you?

- Do they provide clear and detailed letters and follow up with your gp etc to keep everything transparent and so that you are always aware of what is happening?

- If you ask an important question about your treatment will they make sure you get a satisfactory answer or just fob you off (this is similar to what you wrote...)

I'm still so disappointed by the horrible treatment I received by a pyschiatrist and have learnt to ask TONNES of questions and get my answers met with any health professional - not to just assume they know how to help

[AlwaysForgotten]

Hey Sleepy,

No thats great! I have some more to mentally add to my list as well now

Thanks

[Guest_1643]

I really like the list you made and sharing ideas on this! It's good to look for red flags. Sometimes they are able to conceal their intentions - I wish i'd known some of this before!!