This is a little daunting, posting in a public forum on a topic like this, been so open. Especially since I'm very private as a person and heavily introverted. I've been plagued by depression and anxiety since early teens (now early 30's), spent many years in a viscous depression-substance abuse-depression circle that I was lucky to come out of alive. I was finally diagnosed and medicated a few years ago and things have been getting better in some respects, although I still drank far too much and still had plenty of bad days.
I recently moved to QLD, seeking new adventure, hoping for amazing things to happen. I've managed to stay sober for about 7 weeks now, started new physical exercise hobbies, met an awesome girl who I got along with brilliantly, so much in common...till today. Apparently I'm too nice, too sensitive emotionally and too concerned with making sure people are happy. Which is probably correct, my anxiety freaks me out and I get sickeningly worried if I think someone I care about is unhappy with me or disapproves. So...it appears to have just cost me a relationship with someone amazing, while everyone around me is married, having kids and enjoying life, and my first response was to think I need a drink and I've fallen in a miserable heap.
Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here. Maybe I just need to vent. I read some other people's posts and my complaints just seem trivial. I've been dealing with this for so long its long past the stage where I feel bad for constantly hassling friends for support, especially when only a handful know I have issues. I may head to a GP for a mental health plan and referral to counselling again. I did this before I moved interstate, but spent a few years in disappointment as I occasionally worked up courage to see a psych, only to not click with them and not achieve anything. I finally found one I liked, then my GP refused to give me another mental health plan and talked about coming off my meds, which scared the hell out of me.
Sorry, this is turning long winded. Dont know what I'm doing here. Have the desire again to pack all my commitments in and disappear somewhere...while at the same time been in fear of appearing a failure from the perspective of societal expectation, going against the grain of stereotypical stability. But at least it would be quiet, peaceful.
