Back on meds

Scout28 · ‎26-06-2018

Hi there

After months of tapering and 8 weeks of being SSRI free I have fallen in a hole. Deeper than I could dig myself out od so I am back on medication, I have seen my GP, i have a MHCP and a new psychologist and it looks like I am going to have to quit my job. Its been a.catalyst anyway. I am getting help but I feel like I failed.

I have a supportive husband and a nice house and I know I am lucky..Just wish I felt worthyof it. And some joy. It would be nice to feel that again. Only 3 days back on meds though. Iknow it takes time. Just wish I was strong enough to not have to quit my job. I just feel so crappy and scared when I am there and I have to sneak into the toilets to cry. I dont trust anyone there enough to talk it through. Everyone knows everyone, HR, management and I think they will be happy to see the back of me because of all the time I take off for anxiety, migraines and depression. Thanks for listening.

Scout

quirkywords · ‎26-06-2018

Scout,

Thanks for your honest post.

It can be disappointing when you have to go back on medication but you realise it is the right thing for you to do now.

Your work does not sound it was a relaxing place for you. It is good your husband is supportive,

I have been on medication for over 20 years and probably will be formlife as I have bipolar. I took me ages to accept this.

i used to feel I was not trying hard as I had to have medication but it did help me so I have gradually become used to it.

You have realised to need help and that is a positive move. Well done for sharing your story that will also help others.

Quirky

Scout28 · ‎27-06-2018

Hi Quirky

Thanks for your post. I have also been on meds for over 20 years but my diagnosis was and still is major depression and no doctor has ever been able to tell me if its a short pr long term or forever thing. I suppose i know its atleast long term now. I am 40 now. One of the reasons I came off the medication again was because I wanted to know of I was well enough to have kids. It would be my last chance considering my age. I have read about SSRIs being not as dangerous as some other AD but that they can still be responsible for birth defects. And so I can't take the risk and I am well I am heartbroken to have to go back on meds. I tell everyone I dont want kids. Ultimately I dont feel capable because of my depression and its not safe because of my meds. My best friend who for years told me she also didn't want kids is now 7 months pregnant and its brought up a hell of a lot of anger and while I dont let on its making it very difficult to be happy for her. I am seeing my psych in an hour. So that's something I suppose. Thanks again.

Scout

Underwood · ‎27-06-2018

Hi Scout, I could have written your post. Last Friday I had to go back on my medication. I had finally gotten off them after 8 years but around 9 weeks after coming off them I went spiralling out of control. I keep crying at work. I don't want to be there and I've used all of my sick leave. No one I work with knows about my mental health problems so I lie and say I'm sick. I feel incredibly isolated at work. I'm hoping my meds kick back in soon.

My husband and I were thinking of having another child but now that I'm back on medication I'm not sure it's a good idea. We had our daughter 4 years ago while I was on medication and she is fine however I struggled badly with anxiety afterwards. I felt like a failure also getting back on meds but I know I need them live a normal life. I hope you find some peace soon. Take this time to heal yourself as best you can.

Scout28 · ‎27-06-2018

Thank you so much for writing that Underwood. It means so much that you know what I am talking about and feeling. Good luck with your meds. I hope we both get mentally back on our feet very soon.