Anger depression

[CMF]

Hi does anyone suffer anger depression? I have depression and find that I feel so angry at the world and I have no tolerance of anything. I'm extremely aware of it and try to control it but can't. I just blow up, then feel more depressed and guilty because of my reaction. I yelled at a boy my son played sport against yesterday. I started the day great, He had a bit of attitude and the parent from his team was argumentative with us because of their error. When the boy showed attitude I just blew up. We did both apologise and I'm so regretful as it was a build up of other things that got to me but I just st can't take it anymore. I'm a single mum, 3 kids, manage 2 sports teams and cop crap from other parents who want to take their issues out on me.  I feel like a walking time bomb.

[White_Rose]

Dear CMF

Anger is often a part of depression. People feel irritable and cranky and can "blow up" for little reason. I know I can be living my life OK and suddenly become annoyed and upset. Depending on the event I may yell or walk away. I try to walk away and I am getting more successful at this, but there are times....

How are you managing your depression? Do you have some professional help from a psychologist or your doctor? If not I think it is important to do this. I see you have written many posts/answers so I expect you are familiar with the reasons for getting assistance. Have you discussed this irritability with anyone in the past? What has been the outcome? Sorry about all the questions.

During the past three years I have had some truly horrible things happen to me. It has taken me this long to accept I need to put myself out of harm's way, so to speak. This means not being involved in activities that press my buttons. It has been extremely hard. Why should I give up doing what I like? Why can't others be reasonable? It's not my fault, why do I cop the aggro? And so on. And of course it's all true. I'm the one who has been traumatized and I have to leave my activities.

The reality is that other people do not care what damage they do and so are not about to change. They are not the people who get upset. For me it has been a journey of intense grief with lots of anger. I have received lots of counselling/therapy and I am begining to change my attitude. I am still angry at times and grief overwhelms me at times. But I have eventually moved on and have started on a different journey.

Rather a lot of information about me but I am the only one I know. Trying to do too much is a favourite sport for superwomen. Sadly we are not superwoman. Your children can still attend their sports but let someone else do the management. Don't say you will do it until someone else takes over as you will never leave. Give reasonable notice and then stop. Don't let guilt or flattery get in the way. It's a ploy used by people to get you to continue regardless of your health.

Being a mom is a huge job on it's own. I had four children so I've been there. Cut out all the extra jobs. You don't have a partner to take up the slack so you need to take care of yourself and be realistic.

Love to read your comments.

Mary

[CMF]

Hi Mary,

i don't see anyone fir my depression as I don't feel I get anything out of it  I did try.  I also get anxiety which I have found ways to manage.  I do take on too much but I think people have the mentality that as I don't work I have the time and they take advantage  I'm pretty sure I know the cause of my depression, it's a person and I've to,d him that the hurt he has caused me is the reason but he doesn't want to understand that just tells me depression is caused by lifestyle that as my life improves I will feel better.. I know this is not true .  I agree with what you are saying about not engaging in activities that push my buttons  I have said to others that I will not manage 2 sports teams next season.  People can be so ignorant, they think things get done on their own  this is what fuels my anger, that they just don't care and I carry the load for them.  They are so inconsiderate considering they have never tried to do what I do and wouldn't cope if they did.  Anyway I'm happy to just deal with things on my own and keep to myself?  I have my good days. I don't care I don't rally mix with many people and I like that.  I'm selective with who I mingle with.  Even though my outburst on the weekend was unfair on the poor recipient I know the way I was feeling fuelled it  I'm not a horrible person, I just don't have the support I need and I can only take so much  

[CMF]

No one will ever know how much I regret yelling at that boy. He probably deserved a bit of a talking to but not the way I yelled at him. When he apologised for his behaviour he said it was his fault, that he shouldn't have behaved like that but I was worse. I exposed my self, I showed an ugly side of me that others People don't know exists. Never have I taken my depression / anger out on someone in public.  what an awful person I am. I showed everyone the monster in me.  I know it was depression anger sparking it but it's no excuse,  no one else knows that, it was unfair.  I hope I have the opportunity to explain myself to the other parents in our team. I hope they are not upset with my bad display and that they can understand. I never speak if my depression I hide it behind my smile.  Only my daughters fathers have I told but he says it lifestyle, but Lot of it is him. I hate what I've become. 

[White_Rose]

Dear CMF

Thanks for your replies. Please, don't beat yourself up over your outburst. I understand you feel embarrassed and ashamed. Fair enough, but accept these things happen. I will comment that the more you take the blame the more it will be accepted that you are a cranky and unfair person. You know this is not true. You are living in a difficult situation and just because no one knows about it does not give anyone the right to make your life difficult.

May I suggest you do not look for an opportunity to explain to the other parents. If anyone is particularly upset they will ask you. I suspect they will not do so, partly because they know you do a great job managing the team and do not want you to go. This may sound a little cynical but it's true.

It's sad that someone you care for has hurt you and is unable to support you. We all know that lifestyle may contribute to depression but it is not the cause. May I ask what is wrong with your lifestyle as far as this person is concerned? As your daughters' father I can see you must have some contact with him, but limit it as much as possible. I separated from husband 15 years ago. Unfortunately he is still around at all the family gatherings, which is fair enough. It just bugs me to see him under any circumstances.

I have a fantastic GP who helps me. Have you thought of talking with your GP about how he/she can help you. I visit my doctor regularly and have a long consultation to talk about my depression, medication etc. I get as much from this as from a psych. In fact I think I will soon stop seeing the psych. Hooray.

Keep writing if it helps.

Mary

[CMF]

Dear Mary,

thank you for your wise words.  You are right, the more I bring it up the more the more it will be accepted that I'm that sort of person and yes if there was a great concern they would ask as would I especially if it was so out of character. I dud apologise at the ice and the parents did say it's ok and wanted to make sure I was ok.  I guess they didn't see a need to make any further issue of it and nor should I.  I never thought of it that way, I never do.  I always think if I don't hear anything it just because they are upset with me.  Typical negative thinking and lack of self belief I guess.

Asat as my "lifestyle"  he sYs that when I eventually reduce or get rid of my big mortgage I'll feel better, feel freedom.  He doesn't get it, my mortgage gets me down but I chose To stay in my home and I don't let it consume me as much as I used to.. what will be will be.  I live day by day, having financial freedom does not take away the hurt that I feel, the things that I cannot forgive or forget.  He will be in my life but it doesn't make it all ok.  He says sell the house, buy something cheaper, there are bargains out there etc but it's not that easy.  I need to uproot my3 kids, there is nothing out there in my price range that will accomodate 4 of us, I can't borrow much.  It's easy for him today but he's never done it, he still lives at home, is planning to move out soon and is concerned about financial pressure   Why would it be any easier for me? I don't u der stand how he doesn't get it, add anxiety/depression to the mix and it's even more difficult.  I have accepted my financial situation, if the money runs out and we're forced to move do be it, until then my instincts tell me to stay put.  I try to enjoy myself with minimal expectations  he hadn't done much in his life as he is always waiting for the right time.  The time is NOW, if we sit around wAiting for the right time we will die waiting.  If I had to wait for him to do all the things he says he will I will die waiting cos it's alwAys tomorrow or next week or ...  I don't wait for him anymore  I do what I need to do when I need to do it..

[Mike79]

Hi hi there I just joined this site today and read your post it really hit home I was sent home from work for abusing coworkers and getting angry when my boss? Me about it I broke down and admitted everything...

[CMF]

Hi Mike79,

im sorry for what happened to you but glad my post reached you, it was meant to be.  What's been happening with you.  You say you broke down and admitted everything, you're dealing with things no one knows about and that's hard, we all have a limit.  We are all here to hear your story, please share if/when you feel you would like to.

CMF

[White_Rose]

Dear CMF

So pleased you are feeling more positive. Yes a mortgage is a drag, but I believe living in rented accommodation is more so. While you can afford the repayments I see no reason for you to leave. Giving up your lifestyle is no light matter. Your ex has all the benefits of living at home and no responsibilities as far as I can see. No wonder he fails to "get it". If he does move out and buy a home I suspect his attitude will change.

I understand it's difficult but getting toxic people out of your life is important. If he wants to be involved in the children's upbringing that's OK, but he has no right to tell you how to live your life.

This is just a quick note.

Mary

[CMF]

I don't know why I'm everyone's punching bag. I literally feel battered. My  older kids are with their dad. My daughter went to a birthday party. He forgot  all about it and admitted he screwed up. I sent my daughter a message to see how it was she said she didn't feel well and was on her own. No one really talking to her. I suggested she ask her dad to pick her up early so she did. I then got an abusive message from him telling me not to interfere on his weekend with things relating to the kids that it's nit my business etc.  I felt sorry for my daughter on her own not feeling well.  He will never u der stand that. When it's his "free weekend" and I gave the kids he doesn't want to be contacted or bothered but he contacts me constantly on my free weekends. Such a double standard, so black and white, so hypocritical. Everyone is taking their crap out on me. I was having a nice quiet night and it ended with that.  Now I'm going to bed angry, crying and depressed.  I wish I could live in a cave away from everyone.