Confused Why I Feel This Way

[SweetAmara]

I have previously been diagnosed with general and social anxiety disorder as well as depression. Overall, I think I deal with it okay, though I don't necessarily feel I have any particular strategies.

At the moment, my partner and I saving for a house, planning for our wedding in six months time etc. I've invested most of my effort into pursuing these goals. As a result, we limit our time out, because we are saving.

My aunt who I was close to recently passed away. However, I feel somewhat numb to that, as if didn't really happen to me/her.

The part I'm really confused about is how stagnant and depressed I feel in my life. Like I'm living Groundhog Day over and over. I'm content in my relationship but everything else leaves me feeling unhappy and uninspired. I watched movies or read and I deeply desire for something to happen, as silly as that may sound, maybe its just monotony?

I don't know how to change that or even more importantly, to make a lasting change for the betterment of my happiness, my partner offers suggestions but between anxiety around saving and social anxiety I often don't feel like taking risks.

I feel like I've felt like this too long now. I'm really lost what to do.

Thanks.

[geoff]

Hello SweetAmara, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I'm sincerely sorry for the loss of your aunt and the problem is how you are now feeling, as you say 'you feel numb' and this could be because you been diagnosed with general and social anxiety disorder as well as depression.

It's not easy planning for a wedding, my ex and I had to do this as well as pay for it, so it was particularly a difficult task and understand how you are feeling.

It's not so much as you have to take risks because if you see a psychologist then perhaps you can plan on how to control any issues that confront yourself and your approaching wedding.

You don't have to do all of this by yourself so please book an appointment with your GP and ask if your fiance wants to go with you or whether you feel as though you need to go alone.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[smallwolf]

Hi SweetAmara,

welcome to beyond blue.

Also what a lovely name.

You have certainly picked two of the larger things in life to save for at the same time. And you need to live and work at the same time. I suppose your wedding in the 6 months is main thing you are thinking of at the moment? After all, there is a lot to setup. Been there, done that. I remember being stressed on the wedding day itself and only when it was over I could relax. So some of the emotions you are going through are normal or natural.

Do you like having everything planned down to the Nth degree? (I only ask because you said you don't like taking risks.)

When you were diagnosed with anxiety and depression, did you go to any form of talk therapy?

There is also a book called "The happiness trap" you might read if you are looking for a way to save money (you can find the book in most libraries) and give you tips and tricks for coping using ideas from ACT. It was a book recommended to me by my psychologist.

There are also threads on grounding and mindfulness of the forums here that might give you other ideas for coping. The thing here is that what works for one person might not work for another. But work looking at and trying out.

Or writing here if that helps get the thoughts out of your mind.

And if those fail, there is the always talk therapy.

Have you set yourself any time limit on when you want to buy a property? Just try to concentrate on your wedding, with the person of your dreams. Though various discussions with people, I have found that relationships are the most important thing we have. Be kind to yourself. Perhaps allow yourself to have a little fun?

Tim

PS. Putting aside the fact that my dad sees a psychologist once a month, you could also try out headspace app. He uses that himself, and has found it to be effective. He has been diagnosed with GAD.

[White_Rose]

Dear SweetAmara

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm glad you dropped in.

Grief is always a personal journey. When my mom died I felt numb for a couple of weeks and then spent nearly a year crying. I had not seen her for several years as she was in the UK. So all sorts of regret. My eldest sister died some years later (cancer) and I did get to see her which was good. I think she was the sibling I was closest to and I miss not being able to phone even after 14 years. But I have not felt the grief I felt for my mom and I think I have only had one little teary time for my sister. Why this is I don't know and like you I wonder.

It's common for people to feel the person is still alive. It's a form of denial. I know I still want to talk to her and have almost picked up the phone to do so. Sometimes I feel it's wishful thinking. You will be able to grieve later when you are not hassled by other matters. At the moment you have heaps of these to manage.

Saving to buy a house and for the wedding will be great when these events happen but at the moment it probably feels as though your savings account is one enormous hole which you pour money into. Tim has suggested you have some fun and I also think that's great idea. Spending your life going to work/watching TV/sleeping can be monotonous. Are there any activities you would like to do or used to do that do not cost lots? Why not have one weekly outing together to unwind. Spend a small amount of money on it. I think it will help you. You know the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". And it's so true. Book a few fun outings.

Keep posting in if it helps.

Mary