Anger and depression?

[Maui757]

Hi,

So I’ve had depression and anxiety for years now. I see a Psych when I can (Work commitments make it tricky) and generally keep things under control and practice lots of healthy coping mechanisms (exercise, keeping social, relaxation techniques, I try meditation). But recently I’ve been finding myself uncontrollably angry. It’s like the little things start nagging me and I get more and more annoyed until I snap and become a raging psychopath. When it happens, I feel nothing except anger and occasionally a hint of sadness. I feel void of all other emotion. I don’t care who I hurt, just so long as I hurt them. I know I will regret it later on, and my mind thinks ‘good. You deserve to suffer’.

I plan to see my psych but I can’t get in this week. So does anyone else have problems with anger with their depression? I find once the anger wears off I become completely overwhelmed with pain and desperation, and fear that I will never get better. I’m hurting the people I love and I can’t seem to help it. I’m so desperate I feel like I’m going to crack and break down. I don’t even know what started all this but I can’t seem to get a grip :’(

Maui

[quirkywords]

Maui

Thanks for your story.

It is frustrating for you when you are working hard to improve your health to have these angry outburst.

When the little things are annoying you, and I and many others can relate to that, do you have enough time before you snap to try to take yourself to a safe place where you cant hurt others ?

You say little things annoy you and they add up. When they start to annoy you what could you do so the little things don't lead to you snapping?

There are threads about anger and depression that you may find helpful. I found if I could stop my anger outbursts right at the beginning I had more chance of controlling them. This is hard and means being very self aware the moment you notice little things starting to annoy you.

also used to write things down sometimes my page was full of swear words and other times I ripped up many pages but my anger was focused on the words on the page and not hurled at people I loved.

You are aware what is happening and have an insight into how you feel.

I am glad you are seeing the psych soon.

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope writing this down has helped in some away.

Quirky

[therising]

Hi Maui757!

I truly get the anger thing. It can become a bit of a cycle: 1)Relatively content 2)Once you get the sense that the contentment's slipping, start getting super angry and feel the need to control everyone and everything, often through harsh words of frustration and resentment 3)Start to feel sad and regretful 4)Get super down and full of self chastisement. And round we go again...

For me, the anger comes from being more angry with myself than anyone else. When I'm in a great mood, everything's like water off a ducks back no matter how aggravating but when I'm in an out of control mood WATCH OUT PEOPLE, anger is about to follow! I suppose it's a transference thing.

Personally, I like to do a visualisation exercise: I picture the mental circuitry in my head and all the neurons firing (capow, jumping from one synapse to the next). When we get angry the neurons fire faster and faster, bit like an out of control freight train at high speed. I visualise actually slowing the firing down, usually assisted by some deep breathing. Amazing how watching them slow down can calm me down. For others, observing some mad scientist in a lab frantically mixing chemistry might be the way to go. 'Hey dude, chill, slow down and take a seat'. The scientist finally takes a break from mixing the chemistry (in our head).

Anger is that real and not too often spoken about aspect of depression, most often associated with control issues. The need to have control is almost obsessive at times. 'If I can't control my brain, I'll at least control my environment and everyone in it, that way I can maintain my reasonable mood for as long as possible!'

In reality, all 'control' is is effective management, like what you've been doing much of the time (managing effectively in a variety of ways). Finding ways to manage the moods effectively is key. And always keep in mind, if what used to work no longer works, it's time for a new management strategy. After all, we are evolutionary beings.

Take care

[Maui757]

Hi Quirky and Rising,

Thanks for your words. To answer a few of your questions, I generally don't have time to go somewhere safe to calm down when I'm getting annoyed. It's bad, but I just can't be bothered fighting the anger. It comes so quickly and strongly, I don't WANT to put it out. I feel angry, therefore I want to BE angry. I don't know what I get so angry about either. I just know that behind the anger is this incredible helplessness and loss of hope, and an unbearable sadness. I hope that this is what is causing the anger, because I can't stand to think of the alternative (maybe I'm just a really bad person doomed from the beginning).

I like your analogy about calming the mind Quirky - I will try that out and see how it goes. I guess I'm just frightened that I'm becoming this uncontrollable angry person who will wind up doing something stupid or hurting someone badly (emotionally, though in saying that, I do feel physically angry when I get annoyed too).

I'm not sure how I can catch it early when my brain seems to relish the anger. It's like I'm so sick and tired of everything. I get very easily offended too. You mentioned wanting to control my surroundings and the people in it as a coping mechanism, but I'm not sure if that's what I'm always trying to do - Sometimes yes, but other times no. I quite often get angry when someone jokes about me or something I've done. They mean it as a joke but I can't help but take it personally, and I get offended. I'm so easily offended lately, and I find that very hard to combat.

I've also tried accepting that I'm angry, but then I get sad and scared and so I switch back to angry because it's better than fear and sadness. I don't know, I feel like a bit of an unstable ticking time bomb lately, which is disappointing because I felt like I was doing so well.

Maui

[Evie81]

Hi Maui,

I’m new here too but your post made me want to reply about something that I found really helpful as an insight to anger responses.

Did you know that cortisol, the fight/flight neurotransmitter, takes a mere second to emerge but can take up to half an hour to subside, long after the attack is gone?

I believe this neurotransmitter might well play a crucial part in depression as depressed people might constantly feel under ‘attack’, or rather unable to deal with the attack that daily life brings up. We are on edge, hypervigilant, seeing danger everywhere.

We might not have given up but have simply ‘given in’ to the pressures of life, resulting in withdrawing behaviours. This does not negate that we feel under attack or unsure attack will happen. Did you know that subordinate primates experience depression? These are primal feelings.

Cortisol also provokes feelings of anger as, mentoined before it might, unfairly, make us believe we are somehow at ‘fault’ for our symptoms and feel we need to defend ourselves. Again, a fight or flight response.

My advice is to ride the cortisol out and react when it has subsided ie give it half an hour and it might make a world of difference!

All the best to you!

[therising]

Hi Maui

Sounds like something has changed in your life if the anger issue has now come to the forefront. Either the chemistry is an issue (as Evie81 touched on) and/or you have simply become super fed up and you're reacting to this feeling. Like with depression in general, if we're not quite being ourselves there is typically a really good reason for it, worth investigating. Consider consulting your GP for tests to see where your chemistry is at (thyroid or hormone levels included). If your usual GP won't do this, find one who will for you deserve this consideration in order to help you rise above the place you're currently in.

By the way, being intolerant of other people's behaviour is not always a bad thing. I think sometimes we have to take stock in regard to the respect and consideration we deserve otherwise low self-esteem issues just help fuel the depression. I have actually let a couple of close friends drift away lately which I feel good for (although they have their positive traits, they can be rather arrogant, thoughtless and judgemental people, which I definitely don't need). By the way, when you're a sensitive person, it is far from helpful to have people say, 'You need to toughen up!' Hang on a second, why can't the sensitive people say instead, 'You need to stop being such a thoughtless so and so and become a little more conscious!' Finding fully conscious folk who understand the mindset of depression is a challenge. Not having supportive and positive guides around is enough to lead anyone to anger and frustration.

Basically, as mentioned, if you're not being you there is a reason behind it. We can't sell ourselves short and just write our behaviour off to being a bad person. In truth, we are warriors and the battle is a tough and exhausting one at times.

Take care

[2518]

Oh boy yes, do I struggle with a massive dose of anger. Mine seethes beneath the surface, like a bubbling resentment that is just so awful it gives me a constant stomach ache. When people make insensitive or inconsiderate comments, I feel abnormally furious & nurse a grudge for days. Reasons for my resentment are plenty, mostly related to the very crappy & abusive childhood I had, & the ramifications this has had on my later in life.

[Lilly18]

Hi Maui,

I have written a very similar post to yours.

Anger & depression...mine gets very bad every few weeks, have just come out of a really bad week and took myself to my gp today as its out of control, i left with a script for an antipsycotic. Not sure how I feel about that.

I can relate to everything in your post, how are you going now?