Am I worthy?

[Guest_74741123]

hi you can call me Dino. usually I’m pretty good at pushing my feelings to the bottom of my heart rather than dealing with them but sometimes it just catches up and become so overwhelming It becomes so hard to handle all the pain. It’s just so hard and the pain is too much .I don’t know what to do. I have everyone. I have a mother I have a father. I have a big family yet. No one understands me and nobody loves me. they feel like more of me like burden rather than the daughter it’s just so hard. Don’t know what to do it to go away. This overwhelming emotional pain is horrible and I feel that I don’t deserve to be in pain. Nobody does. I’m actually a good person I’m a calm person I keep my head down mind myself yet people are around me. Make me feel like I’m a bad person. I don’t even think about anything bad about other people I’ve never been diagnosed or anything but I know I’m a pretty self-aware person have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since 2016 since my high school. I still have a boyfriend we were together nearly for eight years. he helped me with my depression my loneliness and everything he used to be my rock. No we’re not together anymore now I feel like I’m drowning. I’m just putting all the words that coming out of my heart I don’t know if it makes sense. I don’t know where the story begins. where is the story right now? Or where is it ending? I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no interest in anything not interested in work not interested in living not interested in life. Nothing. the things I’m interested in are something I cannot do it right now because  I’m too old for some it’s too late. I have to pay my own mother and stepfather money every month so that I can live with them I literally give them half the money I earned every month .because of my anxiety and depression. I can’t live outside with anyone I can’t live by myself so for that I’m been told that I’m too lazy to do something something so many words yet nobody help me. Nobody gave me assurance that they’ll come look for me. I’m just scared if I go out they won’t  care for me,everybody will forget about me. I hope it all end. I don’t know. I have no interest anything at all these days. This is something I’m just feeling at the moment and no it doesn’t make any sense but it is what it is. I have so much going on this at the moment. I hope it’ gets better

[Alikiwi]

Hi there. Sorry to hear all that, beyond frustrating I should think. Before I left home when I was working we paid our parents 1/5th of our income, which was admittedly pretty cheap. Half sounds excessive to me but it's hard to say. Certainly seems like you need someone to talk to, and the various help lines available would be the first step. They could give you some useful suggestions. Otherwise I'm not much help.

[Doors24]

Hello,

 I think all your thoughts are valid. You sound so overwhelmed. It can be so hard to know what to do or where to go when you are overwhelmed.

You are not alone. I feel the same way that you do. It can feel isolated and trapped.

If we don’t have all the answers or keep coming across hurdles or brick walls it can also be tiring.

 I have to pay for where I live too with my family. And I often feel like a burden to them.

It is also hard to end a relationship and have one less person in your world. I feel for you.

Keep posting. Keep connecting with other people out here.

Door24