Am I Depressed

[bryan1990]

Never really talked to anyone before about my feelings, not even my girlfriend.

However lately I've been feeling more and more worthless, tired, exhausted, quick to anger.

My girlfriend is really great but lately I seem to be putting her down more and lashing out, sometimes I don't even remember the conversations we have just the outcomes.

I work 2 jobs, not because I have to but because I want to save faster for a house, usually working 55-60 hours a week and 3 of those are night shifts where i get home at 12am and have to be at other job at 7 the next day. so I get 3 crappy sleeps a week which doesnt help.

I use to find enjoyment in playing xbox online with the friends, use to play couple of times a week, now i barely play at all. Its like i've lost all motivation in my life, my girlfriend tries to get me out and to do new things but i end up just snapping and making it worse.

I feel if I keep going the way I am I will end up losing her as its allready starting to create a distance in us.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Bryan

I was sorry to read that you’re not currently feeling yourself, and understand why you want to get on top of this now.

I can’t offer you a diagnosis (I’m not a doctor), but I think it would be great for you to seek a professional view on what’s happening. I’d like to suggest that you make a double appointment (so you have time to talk through it all) with your GP. If your GP thinks it’s necessary, they will create a Mental Health Care plan for you and help you to receive the help you need.

Things you can do to improve your mood now include exercising, reducing alcohol intake, eating well and making sure you’re getting enough rest. You might want to reconsider your night shift work, particularly as it also helps to spend time relaxing and enjoying hobbies.

So, have a think about why you’re not playing Xbox games or going out with your girlfriend. Is it loss of interest in life or lack of time or fatigue? 

While I wholeheartedly support your work ethic and saving goals, it could be that you’ve taken on too much work and over time this has taken a toll.

It’s okay to put your health first. Life is not a race and everyone has to find a way to balance their priorities.

Kind thoughts to you

[adasmith]

I observed my behaviour and I've come to some conclusions -- but Idk how to get past this state of mind you described. I don't think you should call this thing it in a certain way, like depression (though it is possible to be so), just see how you can get past this. I am not a mental health therapist, but I would like to suggest you one thing. 

You know, when my world is "perfect", I'm feeling well. But then, there is some external event that just ruins everything inside of me. I lose my balance. I get stressed. Anxious. Thoughts start running wild, and there are so many of them, that I can't distinguish one from the other. It's terrible, I get strong headaches and get really tired and dizzy. Happens every single day, sometimes for an hour, sometimes almost non stop. 

And you know what the weirdest thing is? What I have just described there can happen from small things. Even from nothing at all! It's just because of thoughts, because of the fact that you can't control them. Or can't keep yourself from getting too involved in them. You get stuck in the first thought, and that generates more thoughts, more tension and panic.

The pattern was difficult to notice at first, and I recommend that you notice it too, before you can even do anything about it. See what triggers it. For me, it can be anything from a friend that doesn't dedicate their whole attention to me (selfish, but that's me :P), to a deadline or eating too much.