Am i a ghost?

[radar2baron]

Hello.

This is the first time i have spoken out about how i feel... I am sure i have some kind of problem and it has been like that for a long time, I am sure i suffer from depression and anxiety. Going outside is not easy and its even harder these days.

I lost my best friend "dog" two and a bit months back. I have a people problem, I consider myself a lone wolf i don't have many friends or really family i would rely on. Meeting people or being around them makes me anxious.

I have had a lot go on in my life and the longer i leave the feeling of it will blow over is just making it worse. from feeling crap to being "pissed off" I should go get help as i have tried to kill myself in the past, I do not feel this is a issue for the moment. I feel trapped in a world were if i go with one thought i mess things up more and if i don't then im stuck here in a corner of my own thoughts.

If there is any advice anyone would recomend or even just there own experiance or thoughts would be apreciated.

Thanks.

[Sophie_M]

Hi radar2baron,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you, with the loss of your best fur friend and your struggles with depression and anxiety, it is a lot to be sitting with. We appreciate you letting us know that you do not feel that your safety is an issue for the moment but we do want to remind you that all life is important, including yours. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to our online community and we’re really glad that you have.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[mmMekitty]

Hello Radar2baron,

Welcome to the forum. Firstly, It's so sad you have so recently lost your dog. A pet is certainly a great joy & comfort, & they do indeed become friends in our lives, so losing one is very painful and we grieve for them. I try to remember the good times I had with my cat, nevertheless I still miss her & always will.

It is an important step you have taken to come & talk here. I think you don't want to remain 'stuck' where you are. Knowing that is also an important idea to hold on to.

I can relate to the feelings of anxiety around meeting people, & it usually takes me a long time to feel comfortable with individuals I regularly meet. I, too, do not have many friends or close family. & have had some very tough times over my life. One attempted exit, very long ago.

Your title for your thread caught my attention. I wonder if you would like to say more about the idea of being a ghost?

I also would like to ask, would you consider talking to your GP, maybe getting some advice about how you might like to get help, with a Psychologist or Psychiatrist?

In the meantime, talking here is fine. I've looked around here, & I think you are not alone in how you feel. Indeed, I might feel very much as you do.

I wonder if it is your discomfort about going out is COVID related? Mine is, but only in part.

mmMekitty

[radar2baron]

Hello mmMekitty,

Thanks for replying. Sorry to hear about your cat also. I had my dog for over 20 years so it was a long slow process we knew was coming but i was not ready to let go.

I used the term Ghost in my title was in regards to how i feel, trapped alone and haunting my own thoughts. some i have considered talking to a GP but again going out and being in another place just dosn't sit right with me for the moment. You asked if my discomfort was covid related. not really but it does not help. If anything it just gave me a bigger reason to not go out or intereact with others.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Radar2baron

So, like me, like everyone, you have some choices, about what you want for yourself.

You could, 'follow your heart', go with a gut feeling and make decisions that way.

OR:

You might like to weigh up the pros and cons of your options. You could write a list of the pros and cons for each option, now & projecting into the future.

OR:

Phone BB's Support Service, as Sophie_M has suggested & talk through this dilemma with someone there.

OR:

Perhaps wait & see if others here on the forums have some more thoughts to offer.

OR:

Do nothing - which I don't think you want to do...

*

& thanks for answering my question about the 'ghost' title. I thought it was something like that, or that you might have felt insubstantial or disembodied, or rather like you didn't feel like you were quite human & alive &/or part of this world; separate.

See how I read too much into a word?

mmMekitty