Alone :(

[Karp]

Hello, I am a newbie here but have been suffering for a long time. I am 31 and have no friends. Sure there are people around me like on Facebook but they are not really friends. I have been alone since 20 years old and I feel like it's taking its toll on me. I can't live like this anymore. My family tries to understand but I don't think they do completely. I literally have no one to talk to nor hang out with. I live alone with my dog and do not have a current job. I cry every night wondering where I went wrong 😔

I feel a doctor wouldn't be able to help because they won't be able to give me friends. I feel like I don't want to go outside anymore cause I don't want to see other people making memories with friends. No guy will want me because I have no friends.
I'm in agony everyday. I just don't want to live like this anymore. 😥 I am so lonely 😥

[Sophie_M]

Hi Karp,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through, it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for joining our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you.
 

[Tay100]

Hi Karp

Firstly, it's good to have you on the forums, welcome- posting here can feel daunting sometimes, but we are happy to have you.

You say that you struggle to find a solid social circle- that's rough and it sounds like it's very draining for you. You say your family tries to understand but don't seem to really seem too- perhaps we can chat about some ways to help them see your situation fully? Being able to understand your situation might put them in a better position to support you, as people who know you well.

I know you say going outside gets you down as it reminds you of how you feel, but getting some fresh air with your dog is important for your health and could be a good way, one of many possible ways, to be kind to yourself- which you deserve. Hoping onto our BB social zone is a great way to making connections also- we are always up for a chat! Check it out here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone

I'm up for a good talk here too, feel free to post here if you like 🙂

Tay100

[nattynatman]

You are not alone, I assure you.

I'm 20, in the same boat (besides my age), wondering the same thing sometimes.

I've lost all my friends after high school - never truly feeling any genuine connection, though I'm not physically alone. I'm still somewhat involved with people at Uni.

What you feel though, I feel.

I'm not sure if this would be of any help, but comparison to others (especially those of your age) is something that you must not focus on. I believe, since you are on your own path, you have your own journey and this is all part of it. Find inner strength to look for things you like to do, even rediscovering some from the past. You don't necessarily need to connect with people - nature is rejuvenating too! The challenge after discovering the good aspects then comes with consistently nourishing yourself with what works.

Coming from a 20 year old, you might think my situation isn't so dire because I have time. But think about it, what would you from 10 years tell your present self now? That might give you guidance.

I hope it helps 🙂

[Mazp]

Hi karp

I feel the same way 😞

[Tay100]

Hi Karp,

Just thought I'd stop by and check in on you- we are always here to have a chat and provide general advice, should you need it, but there is no pressure to post at all if you don't want too. You can also just read through the forum and threads from people with similar experiences if you like, that can be useful too. Online spaces are what you make them- so please know you are welcome to chat here.

Sending kindness,

Tay100

[Truetomyself]

You are not alone. I too have the same issue. I have no friends in my age group. I am 37. It's not easy to make friends, when most people have kids and families. I have neither.
I think there are a lot of lonely people. I think it is time that we realise, the elderly or homeless are the only one's who are lonely.
I know exactly how you feel. I can't tell you how to fix it.
For me the isolation, lack of contact and having people who truly value you is hard to find. It seems as when they have seen me struggling they run.
I just wanted to share so you know you are not the only one facing this.

[IPlay]

It's funny, here I was just recently, more than once, thinking that 30 to 33 year olds actually don't exist and I must be the only 31 year old alive. Serendipitous that I see your post.

Your family may not ever understand if they have not been in your position, but if they are trying then that counts for something! What you can do is to make sure you understand, fully and deeply. You already know what you don't want. Understand what you want.

Sure it seems straight forward and that we all know what a friend is but it can be different for everyone and is useful to deconstruct the definitions we take for granted. You said "there are people around me like on Facebook but they are not really friends." So you know what a friend is not. Define what a friend IS to you. Be as specific or as general as you like. It's hard to find something without a clear picture of what it is.

Once you know this then you can figure out strategies on how to find and capture your new friends! First you will need to prepare your dungeon. JOKING!! lol.

One thing you could do if you haven't already is to pick up a hobby or interest and do some research to see if they have meet ups or online groups. Sharing an interest is a great way to connect with someone. If you're struggling to think of an interest (I know depression can make that hard) then pick something you use to be interested in and go with it, you might rekindle something.

Let me know if you do try any of this, I'm interested to hear the results and your thoughts on it. I mean, I am saying all this yet I don't do half of it XD. Should take my own advice.

[bluenight]

I know how you feel, I'm older then you, not by much though and I haven't had true friends since I was around 23.

It's good to read your post and responses here because I don't feel as alone now.

I guess I don't really have any advice because I'm still in this situation. Religion really helps me. Doing things for other people makes me feel better, (maybe selfish?) and doing all the healthy self care stuff helps my moods.

🙂

[Jenny2]

you are never alone we are here to help & support you