Hi Lola90,
Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.
I really appreciate you sharing what's going on for you and being here today. It sounds like even with everything you've gone through you're somewhat interested or kind of exploring the idea of therapy; and I'm really glad that this is an option for you.
I think it's really important to know that every therapist is kind of different in how they approach people and how they decide to work with them and their situations, fears, worries, etc. You could potentially see one and they might want to talk about your trauma and how that's affecting you today, or you could talk to another and they might want to get you to focus on your thoughts right now, or you could talk to another and they might be super practical with goals. There isn't really any right or wrong as long as you're comfortable with it.
Sometimes (but not always) that fear of failing can be linked to trauma; especially in situations where you've felt like a failure before or felt like you've failed. I think it can be helpful to find out where that 'fear' really comes from so you can work through it.
Ultimately it sounds like right now the worst case scenario could be that you fail your essay. If that were to happen, you will still be okay. It would mean that you've failed your essays but it wouldn't mean that you are a failure. If you take anything away from this let it be that. Failing doesn't mean you're a failure. The things that have happened doesn't have to define you.
Hope this helps,
