Sad, Depressed, Loss of interest/motivation, feeling lost and alone with some crying

[dizzyd]

Hi,

I moved to Australia from Canada with my husband (who is Australian).

One year later, I find I am sad, depressed, lost most of the time, and lack interest and motivation for pretty much everything. As of late, the
tears kick in and I have no idea why. Sometimes I’ll think about why I am crying, concluding it just comes from deep within. It’s wearing on me.

I read then get bored. Finding work is nearly impossible without motivation or interest. Working out is limited to walks and wandering outside.
If I work out intensely I find it makes me anxious. Being new here, it’s difficult to make friends thus the feeling of loneliness is extreme. My husband doesn’t understand and it gets frustrating.

Activities and hobbies don’t help. I wander the cafes, the galleries, the streets, the tourist attractions and sights, and anywhere where
people congregate. All this activity does not help. If anything, it makes me feel worse. I am on auto pilot trying to fit in but really, I have no interest.

Even as I write this, expressing it has made me cry.

[LaneJ]

Hey dizzyd,

I can see from reading your post that youre feeling pretty lonely and upset. It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment being new in the country and trying to manage your time and feelings.

I think it was really brave for you to come to Australia and follow your partner. You must care for each other a lot. Is he able to cheer you up at times when you are feeling down? I know you said he doesn't understand how hard it is for you but sometimes partners can still support us in other ways. I can never talk to my partner about anything if I'm upset. It's about as effective as talking to a brick wall (haha)... but she is good at doing other things to make me feel better if I'm down. Like getting me a heat pack in bed or bringing me a drink. Simple things, but things that I'm sometimes too upset to do myself if im feeling depressed. Maybe you could talk to your own partner about this? You could just say you need a little bit of extra help at the moment.

I'm wondering if you have also ever considered going to see a doctor about how you're feeling? You've obviously been trying hard to make yourself feel better by getting out and about and doing things which is amazing, but if you are still feeling teary it might be good to have some extra support at the moment. Feeling teary all the time is one of the warning signs I have on my safety plan. Acknowledging it basically helps me to realise that I'm not feeling so good mentally and need support. Some times I have "teary moments" and sometimes I have "teary days". It's when I have a few teary days in a row that I then step it up and go from my gp to see a counsellor. I want to try and avoid "teary weeks" and "teary months" at all costs!

Anyway. I'm really glad you came to the forums and shared your story with us. It takes a lot of courage to do that so you should be proud of yourself. Let me know if you speak to your partner or decide to go to the gp (doctor).

lanejane

[fortunecookie]

Hi dizzyd,

Thanks for sharing your story - I can relate to much of it and that somehow makes me feel less alone. I'm new to the forum and haven't yet worked up the courage to start a post of my own...

I moved to Australia 1.5 years ago to be with my partner who is from here. It's been hard to make friends, let alone find work... Having left life-long friends and family behind in Europe I often wonder if it was worth all the pain.

I started volunteering to meet new people and learn new skills, and although I currently struggle with believing in myself, or simply with getting out of bed some days, I do get some positive experiences out of it.

Last year I took part in Beyond Blue's New Access program (available in some states, luckily for me including SA) and recently I spoke to my GP about a mental health plan for free sessions with a psychologist. Being relatively new to the country I wasn't aware of the help that was available, but I think you've come to the right place here and I hope you find the support you need. Hang in there!

[Poodle]

It's hard when you don't feel motivated, but do you know about meetup.com? Might help you to meet people with similar interests?

when I recognise symptoms kicking in (like now), I try and tick the boxes that I've put together from previous spells, ie socialise with friends and family, even though I really want to be a hermit, but I know being a recluse just makes it worse.

Ill try and go for a short walk tonight. Listening to interesting podcasts on my iphone while I walk is wuite enjoyable. I really really need to force myself to put my exercise shoes on and go, though. I need to ignore the siren song of bed, doona and Netflix.

Also on my checklist: creativity. Ive tried mosaicking, lino cutting, pottery, writing, drawing... if you can find something to immerse yourself in, it can be incredibly therapeutic. In a group or on your own are both good.

so I have just pep talked myself into going for a walk, and doing some lino cutting tonight. Sounds like a list of chores now, but I know I will feel better after.

[Mystera]

Hi dizzyd,

Thank you for your post. I can relate to most of it. I also came to Australia (14 years ago) to marry someone I met online and left all my family and job behind to find out after some time what I got myself into. Unfortunately, there was no way back so I stayed and trying to survive here the best as I can. Everything that happened to me and still is happening is taking a big toll on me. I became depressed, sad, no energy to make deeper contacts with other people and even I know that I am the only one who can change that, it is hard when I don't have any energy left in me, so I just vegetate the whole day..

I started counseling and hope this will help but feel that it is not often enough so I am left to deal with myself most of the time, which is not working for me at the moment.

Wish you find your way out of your state and create life you want and deserve. Hope your partner will get supportive and understanding as it is very hard to do this on your own.

Blessings to you....

[ro63]

Hi Dizzy'd, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so lonely I do know it is hard coming from another country to Aus and it is not as easy as people think to make new friends I was in the same situation a couple of years ago not being new from somewhere but I am from NZ and have been here forever it seems but I started going to a a yoga place and it was really relaxing and not like a gym at all as yoga tends to atract a more friendly tgype of person not that I am knocking gyms but it is different and they have a few social type events too maybe worth a try hope that helps ,oh welcome to Aus by the way keep in touch here if you need to have a vent or just have a chat, catch ya soon ,Ross.

[Calie]

Hello

thank you for sharing 😥 . This is a tough place to be - depressed. I have major depression and these symptoms of crying and apathy, loss of interest, etc., are part of my depression too.

I am sorry.

the only thing f that helps me improve is TMS treatments - a relatively new form of brain therapy

take good care

[dizzyd]

Dear all,

Thank you for your kind words. It's been a while of trying to get sorted and move out of the sad stages. Shortly after posting to this forum I found a counselor to help me out. I discovered I was holding in a lot of stuff from moving here. It did get a little easier, but in the end what I found I needed was some time back with my family and friends in Canada. So I went back for 3 months for the northern summer.

The trip definitely opened up my thoughts of how I've pigeonholed myself in Melbourne. I was able to regain some self-esteem and courage. Somehow I lost some of that along the way. Not only that, but found how staying home by myself in Melbourne had side effects. When I first arrived in Vancouver, at my parents house, my mother would ask why I was always inside even though the weather was great .. sunny with a great breeze. It was unlike me to stay indoors. Vancouver has mountains and trails that I was always on. It took me some time to unwind and get back to my "normal self" of enjoying those things. Very interesting journey and very helpful. It's hard to find those the outdoor stuff that I enjoy so much. Melbourne is a great city, but I miss the proximity of the mountains and rugged beach trips. I find that Melbourne is more a cultural city, for foodies and people who enjoy the arts. I do enjoy these things but prefer limited experiences with them.

I've been back in Melbourne for almost a month. I've had to address some of my expectations and perceptions to keep me from falling into the sad zone.

Even before my trip to Vancouver, I did try volunteering, meetup.com, and other groups from around where I live in Melbourne. These things didn't help settle me. Instead of looking for new groups or friends, I've decided to focus on finding work. So far (i'm still unemployed) but I'm sure I'll land something eventually.

Thank you again so much for your comments. I do find them helpful even now, even when I'm not down in the dumps.

Kindest regards and hugs... D

I appreciate all your comments so very much.