45 and have nobody

[llocin]

Hello,

I have recently started my annual leave, normally this was a time I just immersed myself into online gaming and let the time tick by. This year I just didn't have that desire so I started going for bike rides and and listening to podcasts. It is weird, as I don't really listen to music, but I heard a kpop group that was great so I checked out some of their stuff and it awoke feelings that I didn't know I had. This isn't some creepy 40+ year old dude watching young asian girls for kicks, it was a revelation of sorts. Watching them on Youtube I started crying at one of their songs even though I didn't understand it. I realised these are a group of talented people who have everything in front of them, they are full of joy, they are close friends, they have the World at their feet. I have none of these things. It's not a fame and fortune thing. It's that I don't have joy in my life, I have no friends. I haven't had a relationship in forever. Who would want a boyfriend that has no friends? I don't know if any of this is relevant but as the Catalyst of my discovery I though worth mentioning.

Anyway I decided to reach out to two people from my past who where still in my phone, we used to work together and were pretty close but It has been years. They both messaged me very quickly and one called and we spoke for a bit and said we would catch up. I'm just not sure how to proceed. I would love to chat but I don't want to be the person who suddenly tries to force his way into others lives, especially after so long, and I don't think it is right to be using these people to try and fix my issues. It's just that I finally want friends but have no idea how to achieve that at 45, who wants to be friends with someone who has none? How do you even meet people when you don't have friend's to hang around with? My job involves weird shift work, start and finish times are different everyday and I often work weekends so I would like to rekindle these friendships before I get back to work.

I'm thinking of going to see a professional to help me sort through things as I am currently a bundle of emotions instead of not caring like I did for the last 10 years.

Thanks for reading and any input. I really has helped to sit down and write this out, even though i'm crying like a kid. I guess I do need to do something more. I don't know how people do this, I've read so many articulate posts, so sorry for mine.

[Fallen_apart]

Hey mate,

It definately helps writing stuff down. I wish I had found this forum years ago.

I find myself in a similar position as yourself after my fiance left. I only needed that one friend and making new ones has been a learning curve to say the least.

Three weeks before my 36th birthday I found myself with pretty much an empty phone list. I'd been gaming with a bunch of guys for about six years almost daily but never met. Mentioned my situation to a guy who's real name I never even knew and the next week I flew down to stay with him and meet the boys on my birthday. Point is, I had more good friends than I realised, I just had to seek them out more. Some of them needed it too.

I dug up an old work friend and told her where I was at and got invited out a few times. Felt like a loser crashing their group but after a while I'm just another face.

joining a club or group that does something you're into is a good place to start as well, I don't know if you're a dog person but they provide a lot of opportunity for interaction with people as well, obedience school, dog parks and even a regular walking schedule will start providing familiar faces and and a talking point. My dog certainly takes the edge off the loneliness at times and is a motivator when I'm not good.

Definitely worth a trip to your gp to start too. A decent one will be able to point you in the right direction for the emotional side of things and have more of an idea of what's on offer in your community. There's a lot of people who feel the same way, sometimes just putting it out there forms an instant connection.

Hope it helps

[Eley]

Hi Ilocon

There so much you can do to start your social life, it might be a bit hard to begin with.

You can try a few fitness classes or join the gym, you could also do some volunteer work. there is many websites that offer this. Volunteer work is so rewarding it will actually make you feel better as a person

You could also try bushwalking there is groups and teams you can join.

Please don't feel bad about yourself, there is a lot of people who are alone

I know it's all easier said than doing, good luck

[bluewater]

I kind of get it I'm around your age but I stopped seeing my friends when my anxiety hit hard! Mind you they didnt chase me and rarely check up on me. Loneliness I think has also hit hard but at the same time i have other issues. I feel I cant let others see me like this but I'm also my own worst enemy all alone