33 year old male deeply depressed

[Hutch86]

Hi

I have been struggling with depression and a anxiety my whole life.

I have a good job, a degree, 2 kids, a wife and a house etc but I am never happy and I have a constant sense of impending doom.

I am basically an alcoholic, drug addict, and can not control my impulses on pretty much anything.

I have gone into a downward spiral over the past 6 months and really hit the alcohol hard. I have recently gotten into trouble with the police over a drunken assault and my wife is at her wits end with me. I am basically her third child.

I have really had a hard time transitioning from a partying 20 something into life as a Dad in my early 30’s. I am depressed all the time and have withdrawn from my friendship group as I am always anxious and don’t answer or return phone calls. I feel like I am just in a massive rut. I should be happy but I just can’t shake this depression and anxiety.

I also have massive problems with anger. I have never assaulted my wife but I flip out over anything minor and break things etc like a child.

My biggest challenge at this point is getting off alcohol. I have been going out drinking on my own to strip clubs and spending ridiculous sums of money which puts a massive strain on my marriage. Comes back to the impulse control I guess.

If anyone has any decent tips on how to get off alcohol I am all ears. I suffer from ADHD and everything seems very difficult at the moment. I am a liability to my family and I know they are ashamed of me at the moment as I am also ashamed of myself and my lack of self control.

I really hope I can get through this tough period and be a real man, Dad and Husband - it just seems like a monumental challenge..

[Hutch86]

Hey Steve,

I’ll keep an eye out for your story when it drops. Take care mate.

[Hutch86]

Can’t wait for this week to just be over.

im trying to take things one day at a time and it’s getting harder and harder.

I can’t see how I am going to make it through the year. I feel like just running away to Europe or something I am just loosing it here..

[blondguy]

Hey Hutch...you mentioned 'It was one of the most embarrassing things in my life. Having to walk
back out of the doctors office and pay the bill still sobbing in front of the whole surgery'

I went through exactly the same...and yes it feels like crap...at the time....yet you are a serious legend for having the courage to cry in the first place Hutch....that takes serious strength and good on you!

we can get better Hutch...it does take time... determination and a strong desire to heal...

any questions are always welcome Hutch!

we are listening

Paul

[Hutch86]

Hey Paul

Thanks for the perspective, good to hear it from someone who has gone through the same stuff.

it’s really helping me to talk about this stuff.

At this point I’m pretty low. My wife and kids have moved out, I’m in my house alone every night just thinking bad stuff that’s not good for my mental health.

I try to watch TV or read but this depression turns me into a simpleton who can’t focus or loose myself in any entertaining activities. It’s the hardest thing in my life right now to stay off the grog or to not go out to the clubs.

I really need some friends right now but over the past year or so I have basically pushed them all away through stupid drunker shit and my stubbornness. I am definitely a selfish person.

Doing too much reflecting lately on how I have been a bad son, husband, son in law, friend and employee. My self esteem couldn’t get any lower.

I am talking with my psychiatrist trying to get back on track, hopefully I can manage to get back my life before it gets any worse.

Thanks again

[blondguy]

Hi Hutch!

I dont think you are selfish at all....A self centered person wouldnt have the guts to have reached out as well as you have on these forums...Sure, we dont have immediate chat available only because of the nature of what we are discussing

I have been stubborn in my life and have been on here 'giving back' where I can...Thankyou for helping out on the forums by providing support to others Hutch...Any support you can provide is always appreciated...only if and when you feel comfortable doing so

you are not alone with low self esteem...this has been a big struggle for me as well, for a long time

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family Hutch!

so..whats up for the weekend?

Paul

[SteveB1978]

Hey Hutchy,

Sorry to hear your wife and kids have moved out. I definitely understand how hard that is. You’re definitely not a bad person but I often like I must be the worst human ever, but that loneliness definitely makes it difficult hey, it’s such a horrible feeling and sorry to know you are going through similar stuff as me.

sounds like you are doing all the right things though mate, good to hear you are talking to your psychiatrist. Just try and get all the help available. Keep posting!!

take care

steve