Seeking connection

[Arra]

Seeking connection 

I am Arra I am 30 years old, I like mountain biking, fishing, surfing, gardening and going for walks with my family. I am connecting on here as I feel quite isolated, alone and exclude from other services when I actually need *help* not to be silenced or excluded 
I don’t always get it right, impulsiveness comes with having severe adhd that has affected me my entire life, so sometimes I say things I don’t mean or find rules hard to follow, but I am trying so hard. I have a history of severe and complex trauma, anxiety and issues managing my anger and overwhelm 
I would like to establish connections and a community here. I hope people drop in this thread to say hi. 
culture is important to me I identify as Arrernte 

[Arra]

That’s where I would go to connect socially and made friends through many years 

shared updates about celebrated things with people 

my friends on there I dare say probably think im dead now 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Arra,

Reading this, I can hear just how exhausted you are. Years of having to fight to be understood, to be accommodated, to be heard. That kind of repeated rejection, especially from services that are meant to help cuts deep.

It makes sense that this forum feels like your “final option.” When you’ve tried over and over and been told you’re too complex, too difficult, too much… it starts to sink in. That doesn’t mean it’s true. It means systems often struggle with nuance and individuality. And unfortunately, when support is withdrawn after being built around you, that can feel like a profound betrayal.

What stands out to me is this: you keep trying. Even now. Even exhausted. Even defeated. That says something important about you.

Being told your whole life that you’re too angry or too hard to support can shape how you see yourself. But often what services label as “too difficult” is actually someone who has unmet needs, trauma responses, and maybe communication styles that don’t fit neatly into standard models. That’s not a moral failing.

You deserve support that doesn’t disappear when things get complicated. You mentioned trauma, anxiety, impulsiveness and social stuff, those are all things that can be worked with, but they require consistency and people willing to collaborate with you rather than manage you. If you’re open to it, there may be trauma-informed services or advocacy supports that work differently from generic mental health programs. If you're in Australia, services like the Blue Knot Foundation (1300 657 380) specialise in complex trauma and may feel more aligned.

I also want to gently say, if at any point your exhaustion tips into feeling unsafe or like you might hurt yourself, please reach out for immediate support. Lifeline (13 11 14) and Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) are there 24/7. You don’t have to be in crisis to call.

You are not “too hard.” You are someone who has had to survive without consistent scaffolding. That’s different. If this forum is where you are right now, we’ll meet you here. 

Sophie M

[Arra]

Sophie… You are the only person who has said I am hearing you since this all happened with the other service, nobody has checked in on me or sent me anything so thoughtful and kind, so thank you

Thsnks for sitting with me and understanding where I am at 

which is a mix of rage about the system that isn’t working for me, sadness that people have walked away and isolation and betrayal.

I wish people could see I am trying every single day, I know I have things to work on i am not afraid to admit that but also I need help to work on those things. It doesn’t happen magically or overnight

But I’m sick of trying to fight through a system that clearly doesn’t want me.

 Because if a system wanted me they would find a way to support me I have bent and flexed every way possible to fit the mold but I am still a square trying to fit into a circle 

I promise I’m not scary I’m just a dad who likes bikes, gardening, and spending time with my family. I like to think I have a big heart and have come a long way over time but I am still the square and the circle will never fit me until something changes and I am so exhausted so tired of fighting, so tired. 

Im too complex for the so called complex mh services but I am not in crisis or at risk, I just fall neatly into the deep dark  hole in between 

Im not saying I will or alluding to it but this is why people unalive, they try and try and try some more until they run out of steam and it’s all too much 

[Arra]

I also want to say I have a lot of respect for the staff of the other organisation who I have formed good relationships with over the years which is another layer to it being so difficult 

I know they have gone out of there way to offer an enourmous amount of support to me over years  but then to have not only that additional support they could offer taken away but any support from them at all in general is hurtful 

It’s all gone

I appealed again for a second time, this time arguing the lifetime ban and they told me on Jan 12 that I would hear in 5-8 weeks a final decision from the CEO

the CEO which I have gotten to know quite well over the years is now on leave

not sure if I ever will hear back 

I hope they realise that I was the one holding the First Nations yarning spaces and keeping that alive they will regret it soon when they realise they have nobody else 

[Arra]

Anyone reading this from other site probably knows who I am and I am with that. 

[Arra]

Sophie, are you a real person or Ai

[Sophie_M]

Hi Arra, That’s a fair question. Yes, I am a real person, part of the Beyond Blue team. Understandably that you’d ask.

After everything you’ve been through with services, it makes sense to want to know who’s on the other end. Trust isn’t automatic when it’s been shaken before. Sophie M

[Arra]

So what do I do now 

[Arra]

Every time I build the trust up enough they disappear 

[Arra]

Took me months probably more like years to get the courage to go my local Aboriginal cultural centre 

they closed their sewb work on me at the same time this other place banned me

they said there is other things I can do there but I can’t go to them because I work and it’s not the same like what I had