Mother's Day 2015

[Doolhof]

Hi everyone. Mother's Day can mean so many things to different people. I am wondering how you all think about Mother's Day?

Do you have a close relationship with your Mum, Nana, Grandma, Mother in law, Aunty or a lady in your life who is like a Mother to you?

If you are a Mum, how do you feel about that role in your life? If you have never been a Mum due to choice or circumstances, how does that make you feel?

For me, Mother's Day can be a sad and lonely time, and at the same time I can celebrate with my Mum and my Mother in law.

Am I a Mum? Yes and no. I have been pregnant 5 times but have no live children.

I have a Mum whom I try so hard to love and care for but who also has mental health issues so the relationship is often strained and hard to live with at times. It seems often that Mum is not aware of how much pain she causes people. But she is still my Mum.

So are you looking forward to Mother's Day or are you dreading it?

If it is the latter, then try to come up with things you can do now to ensure you do not feel too much sadness, regret, misery and pain on Mother's Day.

We will be catching up with my Mother in law this year and I will phone my Mum as she lives too far away for me to visit unless I stay over night. I will be thinking of my babies with lots of love and may mark the day with flowers for myself, or I may light some candles.

I will leave this for now and see what replies I receive.

Cheerio for now, from Mrs. Dools,   Lauren

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

Thanks for your wonderful post. I do try to be non judgemental in all areas of my life. I try to live a Christian life style and I am the first to admit that I mess up often. It is not for me to judge anyone...it doesn't mean that I don't ever do so, I just don't voice my opinions.

I grew up in a family where there was very little love or care, and I wanted to change that in my life.

Regarding your brother, depression, people not understanding and struggles in general, my in laws just don't understand depression or long term grief. I have learnt to realise they are not there for me in that sphere of life, so I have to let go of my expectations. They are just unable to provide the support I need from them.

As I mentioned earlier, I worked in an aged care facility, I have worked in shops and in child care, now I have returned to aged care. Now I work in the elderly person's home and I do what ever they need done to help them stay at home.

Sometimes I take the elderly shopping, to the chemist, the Dr. and that sort of thing. I generally do cleaning for them.

One of my friends actually asked me the other day if I found my work satisfying, and I told him that yes I do. For example, I cleaned for a lady for the first time, and when I had finished she was actually crying and told me how beautiful her home looked! To me that is worth more than a huge pay packet!

To be honest, some days I do wonder what the heck I am doing and wish I had taken a different path in life, but then tell myself that "What if" and "regrets" are a waste of energy and happiness.

I've prattled on about myself and my character limit is just about used up! Ha. Ha.

Do you have a passion for any particular type, style or topic for script writing? A friend of mine is very involved in the local theatre/play productions. I am hoping to go and see one of his plays soon.

All the best with your studies. Are you studying online? Would it be possible for you to say study for three hours, go for a walk then return to your study. A walk helps me to clear my head.

I admire you for having worked as a Residential Support Worker for the mentally ill. That must have really opened your eyes to the struggles some people go through.

A few years ago I spent two weeks in a mental health unit as a patient and that really opened my eyes! Ha. Ha.

Thanks again for your wonderful words, encouragement and kind thoughts.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools,

I'm just going through your great post once again...

I too try to practice non-judgement with regards people. It helps me to not judge myself! which is very desirable since I unhealthily did a lot of that in my youth. Have you found this to be true for yourself?

My childhood was very happy although my brother says I just blocked it all out, the bad stuff that is. You can tell me more about your childhood if you like. I agree with you that very few people do understand depression and therefore the average person with little to no experience often can't help a lot. I have found solace in several friends who had a MI but even then the closest understanding I've found has been at BB just by reading the posts etc. There's a recent post in Inspirational Quotes to do with loneliness by Jung that nails it for me! You may have seen it.

What a reward! priceless!...the gratitude from your aged care work. You can't beat that. And to do with alternative life choices I say, I am what I am and that's me. I can't be any different to the way I am. Nor would I want to be. In other words I try to accept myself as is.

Prattling is perfectly ok! Ha! It's a good way to learn more about you. But now, it's my turn...lol

That'd be great to watch a play by your friend. Does he have a specific genre? I have a passion for writing a script about some of my experiences with MI. I guess you may be thinking "Now, that's a tall order", I know it is. But it's something I really want to try. I have this need to tell my story and I love films and would love to write a proper screenplay. The task is daunting but it's there. I don't really care if it's not successful. That would be nice but just writing it would be phenomenal and would give me great satisfaction. A real challenge! Do you have any other passions?

I have finished studying online. I got my Certificate in Professional Screenwriting a while ago and now I am self-taught. I've purchased 10 or so "How to write a screenplay" books from the internet and I'm going through them 1 by 1. I find them very interesting with lots of practical exercises to complete. I'm learning!

I agree with you and try to get out for a good walk each day and it does clear the mind.

How's this for prattling? Ha Ha. Just a bit more...

Yes, being a Residential Support Worker did open my eyes to others struggles. However, doing 10 yrs voluntary work at a psychiatric rehab organization was even more so. I met people with all sorts of mental illnesses and from all walks of life, many suffered greatly and some didn't make it. It was a real education!

Only if you would like to, please tell me more about your 2 weeks in a mental health unit and why it was an eye-opener?

Thanks for your very interesting post and for giving me the opportunity to talk about my passion. It feels great to express myself to someone especially someone who understands.

All the Best

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

There are so many points in your last post that I could chat away about for ages!

I think it would be wonderful if you were able to write a screenplay about MI. You could certainly use your own experiences and those you have witnessed while caring for others.

Would you want it to be  a serious screen play, or would you swerve more towards it being  a type of comedy, dark or not?

I have a dreadful time now and then with my memory. A friend just sent me an email thanking me for sending her a card. I didn't even remember I had sent her a card! Ha. Ha.

I have a great laugh with my nieces when I forget things. One niece was wearing a necklace I really liked and I asked her where she got it from. It ended up I had given it to her for her recent birthday! Same with a scarf I made my sister, I asked if she had made it and did she have the pattern?

Just one of those things. So if I was to write a screen play about my mental illness issues, I think it would have some comedy in it.

My two weeks in the mental health unit were an eye opened in many ways. Firstly when I phoned and told my husband I was actually in the Emergency Dept of the hospital, he asked me why. I told him I'd had a mental breakdown and I was taken there by ambulance with a police escort.

I spent three days in the emergency area waiting for a bed in the mental health unit to start with. When I was told I would be there for two weeks, my husband asked who would be doing his washing, ironing and cooking while I was in there!

I didn't find the staff to be very helpful at all. I was able to see a nurse for 5 minutes each morning and that was it. My fellow patients were more helpful.

We had to make our own beds and the shared bathrooms weren't all that clean. I was given the wrong medication a couple of times.

Some of my fellow patients had huge issues. Anger wasn't tolerated. One lady was a bit verbal, she was dragged to her room by 4 to 6 men and was apparently jabbed with something that made her like a zombie for the rest of the day.

If you needed to talk, you talked to your fellow patients, they cared, they were there for you. We organised our own distractions and entertainment. At least those of us who were capable participated.

There were some very shattered, mixed up, damaged and broken people there.

I had a bed. I was fed. There was a washing machine we could all use.

Run out of letters!

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools,

Since I had so many last time, this time I am trying to keep my questions etc down to a minimum...ha ha!

Thanks for your encouragement re: writing my screenplay. I must admit I'm a bit short of time lately because of my "BB work". I need to get faster!

Re: my screenplay, I have yet to decide whether writing about my time in hospital will suffice or if I will need to include other events throughout my life. I have already written a book (not published) which I will use for material. I am starting with a "serious" screenplay but the inevitable funny bits will emerge, I suppose.

I had to laugh at some of your stories about your memory (sorry) but funnily enough mine has been playing up lately too. I mentally grasp for a word or a name and though I should know it, it evades me. This has happened several times lately. Old age eh?

Thanks for telling me about your 2 week stay in the mental health unit, your grand entrance there plus 3 days in emergency. You poor woman, it must've been very, very serious! In contrast, I thought it was very funny, your husband's reaction regarding his ironing and cooking etc.

It was the same for me in my stay in hospital. The nurses and patients rarely mixed, the fellow patients were helpful, those that could be, but never did I get the wrong medication! At least, as far as I know! lol

There were plenty of incidents, patients being subdued by force and then medicated, escapees were brought back, there was screaming and crying, yelling, laughter and silence. There were a few zombie-like patients and every now and then a shrieking alarm would go off.

Yet the patients formed a tight band, most rallying for each other. Some, brought in by the police, against there will, were firmly against the hospital establishment while others were too sick to care.

Though full of unwell people, it was a safe place to be!

Cheers

TMB

P.S. Take your time  responding (that's if you want to!), I am away till the 25th..

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

I will respond now so I don't forget to do so in a day or two! Ha. Ha. I try to laugh when I forget things, it makes life a whole lot easier.

Yes my dear husband. When he discovered there was a washing machine in the mental health unit he seriously said he would bring his washing in for me to do and did he need to bring in an iron?

One of the guys in the unit one day came and gave me a kiss on the cheek one morning. I asked him why he did that, and his answer was "Because the voices in my head told me to." I told him I was very thankful they hadn't told him to whack me!

So you have written a book? What is that about? I have started a book too about the loss of my babies, but I seem to have come to a point where I forget I have even started it, and when I do remember, I just don't seem to have the time to write any more of it. I am thinking of taking a week off soon to just do what I would like to do.

You mentioned escapees being brought back. I enjoyed looking after residents with dementia except for when they wandered off. Way back when we didn't have secure areas for residents with dementia, so we often had to go and look for them.

A couple of ladies decided to have a "sleep over". One lady was in a double respite room and invited another confused lady to share with her. One day another lady with dementia invited one of the men to her bed. She was sitting outside of her room saying no, she hadn't seen "Jo" at all. I used to work the afternoon-evening shift. One lady used to head to the bus stop so she could go into town...problem was she was usually in her dressing gown and slippers, had no money, and no idea as to what she was really doing.

That will be me! Ha. Ha.

I am really enjoying a bit of light hearted banter here on the forums! Will be looking forward to reading what you have been up to.

Cheers form Mrs. Dools

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools

I hope you had a very pleasant break.

It's good to have a SOH about our illnesses etc. It helps one to cope, I think. I sometimes go looking for my mobile phone and after a few minutes of frantic searching realize I am on it! You gotta laugh! That's a good one, your husband wanting you to wash his clothes etc. while you're in hospital!

When I was in hospital, I met a young woman who thought she could fly and had to be closely supervised. Another man was extremely manic, words locomoting out from his mouth at express speed. I met several people who thought they were Jesus. Sometimes this had rather serious consequences as in the case of one poor, deluded man who burnt both his hands for some religious reason.

So, you're writing a book about the loss of your babies? Have you written much so far? Do you have a date when you want it finished by? I imagine it would be very painful writing it. Tell me more if you like. All the best with it.

I wrote my book about 10 years ago. It's about my life (a bit) but mainly about my time in hospital and in recovery. It's not as good as I would like it to be as I was still quite depressed when I wrote it but it will do as a reference book for my screenplay which is more important.

Wow, some of your stories of ladies with dementia are funny and a little scary too. "That will be me" you say, Ha Ha! I know what you mean. When I visited the nursing home on Mother's Day and saw all the old folk, I said to myself, "This is one possible future!"

As you were in such a serious state in the hospital, if you don't mind me asking, did you have any help when you left hospital? I luckily had my parents to look after me until I found a Rehab. Organization that provided me with somewhere to live, a place to work and people to mix with. I was extremely  fortunate!

I had a very quiet and restful weekend. Bought a movie called "Interstellar" and my team won in the rugby league. Had Indian twice!

Cheers TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

My weekend wasn't so crash hot in the end, thanks to a huge misunderstand at CFS that was thankfully sorted out over the weekend and on Monday. There was a huge miscommunication that caused myself and others a few problems.

I will be attending the CFS training tonight and no doubt there may be further discussion. I am so thankful the situation is being resolved and sorted in a very amicable way.

To answer your question, after my time in the mental health unit, I returned home. My husband was very pleased as I was there to catch up on the washing, ironing, house work and what ever else needed doing. Ha. Ha.

For him, it was like, okay so you have had a holiday in hospital for two weeks, it is time for you to get back into everything again.

I returned to work and really struggled with the boss who was a large part of the problem. I was working in a Community House running a playgroup. The Mums and Dads were very supportive. We had comical conversations about "One Flew Over the Cookos Nest" (Have no idea how to spell that!)

A few psychiatrist appointments later and it was decided I was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder as well as Depression, Stress and PTSD. I think I was and still do suffer from "husband overload" as well at times. Ha. Ha.

Regarding my book, as I mentioned I often forget I am trying to write it! I would have liked to have had it finished by now. I need to get started again. Maybe your encouragement and questions about it will get my motivated again.

Some of it has been really tough to write, but it has also been amazing therapy and is so healing. I have a friend who is helping me with suggestions and said he would like to edit it for me when I have finished.

He has been my dearest friend since I was 10 years old. He is like a big brother to me.

My weekend wasn't all bad. My husband and I went for a nature walk and saw 5 kangaroos, so that was lovely.

Cheers to you as well. By the way, what does SOH stand for? My mind is blank on that one!

From Mrs. Dools

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Mrs Dools,

I'm glad your problems with CFS are being sorted out in a friendly manner.

I hope your husband appreciates all the hard work that you do!

Wow, you certainly had a wide ranging diagnosis, "husband overload" being the main culprit no doubt! lol.

I'm sure you could finish that book (Yar! yar! (encouragement!)) you mentioned. You definitely have advanced communication skills as demonstrated on the BB forums. You're intelligent and full of compassion, you can do it!

That's great you have a long lasting friend to help and I can see, partially, what a therapeutic benefit it would be writing it. I felt the same way  writing my book. It took me 5 years  of mostly late night work to finish. Maybe you could try writing for 1 hour a night. It soon adds up.

Seeing the kangaroos would have been nice. I used to live in a small village on a bay. When first there, years ago, there were heaps of koalas  inhabiting the nearby trees. Occasionally one would walk up our driveway, we could hear him grunt as he made his way slowly to another tree. Unfortunately, the numbers dwindled quickly, due to dog attacks and more urbanization. They are indeed lovely animals.

Oh, while I remember, SOH is shorthand for "Sense of humour"

You have certainly had a few different jobs. Is what you're doing now what you want to do . From what you've said before about loving your job, I guess you might say Yes. I'd say some significant others might see your vocational future as being in the home maintenance field! ha ha!

Well I might talk about my illness a bit. I hope you don't mind. If you do, let me know please.

I have been going quite well lately, improving all the time. I spend a lot of time on the forums here reading and writing posts. I enjoy "talking" to others and feeling a part of the community. My concentration is pretty good  though I tend to avoid long posts because of it.

Today was a bit of a downer, I woke tired, having been on the computer till 3:30am! I just am so productive at this time of the morning. I was cranky (a pronounced symptom) and low on energy later in the morning and I realized I'd been pushing myself too hard of late and that I needed to have a break. A couple of times I have been traveling along nicely only to fall back in the trough. I can feel the depression at times but am making good progress.

Better go Mrs Dools,

Hope you're traveling well

TMB

[Doolhof]

Hi TMB,

Thanks for the explanation to SOH. Yes, we certainly need one of those. Mine is okay most of the time. I have a client who suffers from depression, I soon have her laughing and we both feel so much better.

Thanks again also for the encouragement with my book. One problem I have is the new AD my Dr. has given me has chilled me out so much all I want to do is sleep. I'm going to have a chat to him about it soon as I am even struggling to keep awake enough some days to drive home from work safely!

An hour a day would certainly help, or even every second day. I just need to work out this wanting to sleep and tiredness business and find more motivation and enthusiasm.

Regarding my work, I sometimes wish my life had taken a different path and I had gone into nursing/psychology/social work or something along those lines. Life didn't quite happen that way, so I will make the most of what I have now.

My husband hasn't worked for two years and I don't really think he is looking too hard for work right now. It has only been about the last 6 months he has been helping out a little around the house.

Koalas are so cute! My sister had them on their farm. They do make a weird noise during mating season though!

Hey TMB, I certainly don't mind you talking about your illness at all. I too enjoy being part of this community. My husband doesn't talk much, so this is a great place to communicate with others.

Hang on, this was going to be about you, not me! Ha. Ha.

It is fantastic you are making progress with your depression and that most days you feel okay. I think if you were to ask any one here at the forums, they would all tell you that they too have bad days for no reason what so ever other than for the fact they have depression.

Without going back over your posts, are you working at present (if you don't mind me asking.) Apart from writing books and screen plays, what else do you enjoy doing?

When we know that we might be about to fall into the trough, it is beneficial to have tactics and helps available so we don't fall in and submerge.

I believe it is okay to sometimes float around in the trough, to recognise life sucks for a while, then to think about ways to get out again and make the most of new opportunities in the future.

I'm travelling okay and looking forward to the weekend, hope you are too.

Cheers for now, I'm usually around for a chat most days, From Mrs. Dools

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Mrs Dools,

That is a concern, the nodding off. I know what it's like, I have felt very tired from taking AD meds before. Driving is definitely a danger! but once you are sorted out, you will have more energy etc. and will be able to get stuck into that book!

I can really picture you as a psychologist or a social worker, you have the talent but the path you're on is where you oughta be, I reckon. Me too, for that matter.

Good to see your husband is helping you now.

Koala grunts. lol

Thanks for encouraging me to talk about my MI. You'll be sorry! (Just kidding). Actually, you can watch my movie a few years from now. haha! Really it's a long story and mightn't be worth digging up. Maybe bits and pieces here and there. Perhaps I need to deal with the present, me thinks.

I'm not working right now, maybe in the future if my recovery continues. How do I enjoy myself? Well, I enjoy spending time with 2 friends I have who live out of town. We take turns staying at each other's places. We go for drives in the countryside, have bbqs and generally enjoy ourselves.

I like to watch movies and have a big collection of dvds and blu-rays. I would like to get a new tv one day, a UHD (ultra high definiton) model for an even better picture. I also like music, my favourite band is called "The Fall". Punky sort of music. They've just got a new album out which I am about to order.

Another thing I love is eating out but I have to watch the expense and the ol' waistline! I like all types of food but especially Thai but any Asian food appeals. Would love to travel again. Have been to Singapore twice . It was great! Do you like to travel much Mrs Dools?

Well, that's enough about me for a while. I like your thinking re: being in the trough of depression, very wise and very productive. I felt a bit stressed and anxious today. I'm not used to stepping out of my comfort zone. But I reckon the more I do the better I'll be (within reason). Do you get bad anxiety?

Weekend going well but have lost all lights! never mind. Off to do shopping have a good weekend! Thanks for being a friend.

Bye for now,

TMB

P.S. many congrats on your 1000th post!