I'm in Year 12, and while I get that everyone feels stressed at this stage of their life and that my feelings probably aren't as bad as others', I still don't know what to do. I used to be a straight A student, now I'm barely scraping by with low Cs. I'm afraid I won't get into my dream uni. Frankly, at this point, I'm pretty sure I won't. All the work is piling up and no matter what I do, I can't seem to get anything done in time, or just done at all.
I think I have anxiety. Or something else. I don't know. I may never know, to be honest. My parents don't believe in mental illness, and I don't know what to say to my friends about it. They've always called me the 'funny' friend. Every time one of them is feeling down, it's often my job to cheer them up. How will they react? Will they even believe me in the first place? I tentatively brought up the subject once a few weeks ago to a very close friend, and they just laughed in my face. Apparently, I'm "the most carefree person" that they "know". Sometimes, I wonder if that's the only reason they keep me around. To have someone to lighten the mood. I don't often get invited to their outings outside school, and one of the girls and I often butt heads a lot. She gets mad whenever I ask a question more than once and screams at me "Shut the f*ck up! God, you're so f*cking annoying." The others say that she doesn't mean it, and I believe that, but it's been happening more often than not lately. My parents are incredibly strict, and I am the only one in my friend group with a curfew. They hate it when I say what time I've got to be home, saying it's a "buzzkill". I know for a fact that this contributes to them never inviting me out. But I can't control what my parents do.
There's also the matter of coming out. I've known that I'm a lesbian for about five years now. At this time, from what I've seen, most people should have already come out to their loved ones. But I'm just so scared. Completely terrified, actually. One of my older cousins came out to the family around the same time I figured out my own sexuality, and my aunt almost threw him out of their house. My parents' reaction was impossible to decipher. I don't know what I'll do if the same thing happens to me.
