Hello to all.

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi,

I'm finding it difficult to write. After my introduction, it all seemed a tad frantic. The hardest part was trying to impress you'll with my knowledge. The depth of my knowledge could easily be exposed. I think my ego jumps out of me when I use these this forum. I mean its possible, and that's not a good thing. I need to be myself. Unfortunately that may require a lot more whinging.

To be honest, I want to become as genuine as I can without. Can I do it? My head is hurting already thinking about the task. Plan B, relax, and be myself.

Phew.

So yeah, it is hard I find to know what to write about. I suppose just talk about my day will be enough. I don't have to write more than necessary. (See how I CBTed myself as I type haha) (Joke)

Where was I? Oh yeah my day.

It sucked, I have Gastro. Have had it for the last 5 days. I can see why they called it Gastro, probably named after Astroboy. You feel like Gastroboy at times. (To much info) A nurse friend of mine said I should go to hospital because I have been unable to eat. But geez Gastro can be painful. After around day 3 my stomach muscles were so soar. (Bonus is I am loosing weight)

Hope are all well.

IF

[Starwolf]

Hi Infinite Faith,

Sorry you're having a bad day. Feeling physically ill makes all the rest so much harder to cope with. I hope it will be a short-lived episode.

Please do not feel whingeing would be out of place around these forums. They exist to give silent suffering a voice. Speaking out about our pain is often difficult/impossible in the outside world. It is good to have a place where we will be understood...not resented.

Rest assured that being yourself, quirks and all, is more than enough. And though, it can be a difficult thing to be for fear of judgment...and because of our own insecurities. I do believe realising ourselves is the purpose of Life. It is too short for trying to be what we are not and never could be. It sounds like wasted time and energy, doesn't it ? It is also an extra source of stress, the last thing we need.

So well done for making this courageous and wise decision. It is worthy of admiration and respect.

You have mine.

[Infinite_Faith]

Hello Starwolf,

Everything you wrote seemed to resonate with me. That was so nice to read. As you say this is the place to whinge. (If ya have to) 🙂

You raise so many interesting points that I didn't really think of but are no doubt true. I'm not sure I am as brave as I'd like to think so. Reason being, (Pause for a while).............well I realize the more I type, the more of a public record I leave about myself. Putting this out in the public. I suppose you could set your own limits to what you are willing to share. But still (even putting my image up....to be honest, I've have a few second thoughts about it), I don't know if this make me a fraud, it just makes me.....nervous. I mean this is a serious subject. And the MHA has some power, (I've felt that personally).

Any thoughts anyone?

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

If we cannot be honest with ourself by being ourself on an anonymous forum, well..............? I have been drawn to some of your posts due to like-mindedness, so I'm not sure what that says about me? It is confronting reading others' posts, when it is seems as if we could have written it ourself.

The man in the mirror?

I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life

it's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference

gonna make it right......

Darn it, I can't copy & paste, so you'll have to google. I've not read the lyrics before, but they are great. The verse is thought provoking, then the chorus:. I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways, and no message could have been any clearer, if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.

Itll be an ear worm now. I'll post it to songs list to try & get it out. Can't believe I'm finding MJ philosophical!

I hope your Gastro is easing, keep up (or down) the electrolytes

Yes there seems to be a bonus in everything.

Lee!

As I turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind? Pretending not to see their needs
A summer’s disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other on the wind ya’ know
’Cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know

As I turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind? Pretending not to see their needs
A summer’s disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other on the wind ya’ know
’Cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know

[Infinite_Faith]

Of course you are right, "If we cannot be honest with ourself by being ourself on an anonymous forum, well..............?"

BTW Great song and lyrics. I love MJs' work. Are you a great music lover Lee? But then again who isn't yeah? Music must be the only thing you never hear anyone say..."No I hate music....can't stand it" " all that bang bang" haha. 😞 (No more please)

Talking about bang bang, I was playing my drums today for a few minutes. My depression has been pretty bad that I'd/have lost interests ....I'm not in the place I wish I was....and at the moment, it seems like its going to take.....I just don't know. I'm not functioning properly. I've stopped being productive, creative, ive lost interest. My story is complex how I ended up in this mess.

I'm in the right room, this is where one comes to whine. Hope so 😞

IF 😞

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hi IF

previous post was before star's eloquent response & your equally reply.

At times I wonder (catastrophise, of course) if my communication skills are enough to be able to participate on these boards, I am amazed at how many are able to paint a self-portrait masterpiece with so few words. I could be so much better, but then again I could be so much worse, so everything in moderation.

Except self honesty. I haven't thought about a profile pic yet. It is good to see you, tho I thought it may be an avatar. We will never know. So annonominty remains, (and pic is changed on all posts when/if you change it). I am thinking of this as a personal record or diary with benefits. Re-reading my posts from just a few wks back is ....interesting. Can only guess in mths or a yr.

As for public record, the chances would be 'Gastronomical', that anyone I knew would think that this is me writing. What does that say of my 'honesty' in real life? Yet, I am a very honest person, too honest in most things, but obviously not with my feelings and inner moods and thoughts. I was a teenager when I first suffered depression. Hiding 'myself' is now second nature, I am an expert, as we probably all are. It probably doesn't help in overcoming MH. Maybe I can start by sharing littl' bits of me that I am finding here with the real people in my life (and hope I don't bore them too much, only littl' bits)

Probably won't ..... sigh

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Crossed over again.

Bet mine is more complex than yours hahah I can only imagine. Would take a goooogle of characters.

Depression is a normal reaction to this!!!!

Glad to hear your drums.

The whines will start to drown them out.....

I've just let myself down AGAIN today, missed an opportunity to make myself feel a bit more positive, and am now berating myself for it, thinking how much better I COULD of felt. Put it off for another 8days now, so I can think like this for even longer now. Yay?

The bonus is, I did have a shower and get ready. Oh well, there is always next wk.

Lee?

[Infinite_Faith]

'Gastronomical' you couldn't help yourself. What was it "OCD"....is that what put you up to this ?

I will let it slide and give you 10 points. haha

I find I keep having minor panic attacks at times when I think the clock is ticking....there is some unfinished projects that are important to me.....then I freak out and hide. Just like you. 😞 I hide can't face it, maybe tomorrow. Problem is, I keep on saying tomorrow.

Grrrr 😞

Anyone ever find that, that you fall in a heap and just get stuck. Like everything if black. And what makes it worse is knowing I created this chaos.

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Careful what you wish for, but a bit of OCD would go down well atm, cos then I wouldn't be in this mess. Grass is always greener ( but water bill is higher ) .

Speaking of irony, it is the depression causing our lack of motivation that leads to anxiety over unfinished projects which causes depression. My circle of life.

I am too familiar with my chaotic black pit. Some of it is my fault, but some of it was dished up to me in a smorgasbord of bad luck. An insurmountable pile of poor life choices and my undeserved fate. Justice does not live here. Karma is crap.

Is tomorrow better than next week?

[Starwolf]

Hi IF,

We're free to disclose as much or as little as we wish. From my perspective, being honest is being truthful about whatever we choose to reveal. Caution necessarily applies to honesty. Someone wise once told me that -to remain safe- it is often better to err on the paranoid side.

None of us is as brave, strong, smart etc...as we would like. We are our harshest critics and often have unrealistic expectations of ourselves.

At BB, anonymity plays a huge part in allowing more in depth communication than is normally possible in the outside world. We feel safe that what we reveal will not be used against us. Around the forums, what matters most is our human-ness, not whether we are Duncan or Isabel...

Are you sure you created this chaos ? There's a more clinical way to view this...the mind depends on the brain. The brain functions (or malfunctions) according to a jumble of electro-chemical reactions. Every thought we have contributes to those...So our brain patterns are the result of past experiences and our responses to them. Takes some of the guilt away, doesn't it ?

Western culture doesn't tell us that the mind can be trained and controlled. So we end up being its puppets...with little/no knowledge of what is actually pulling the strings. But it can be reconfigured. Learning how to make different choices is possible. Hard, persistent work is the key.

Jugglin Strugglin, lack of motivation affects all of us. Chris recently brought an interesting app to our attention. I suggest you check out "Motivation is Garbage" by Mel Robbins (YouTube)​. It helps put a different slant on feeling stuck.

I agree...MJ didn't only move well. Some of his lyrics show remarkable insight.