Have you ever felt this way?

[the_motorcycle_boy]

"Well, oh well I feel I'm in decay"

The first line of a popular Midnight Oil song and I think a description most apt, for some people experiencing depression.

Have you ever felt this way?

One of the biggest dilemmas I've faced in "depressive-illness land" is the one of being alone and having no viable means of changing that fact...let me explain...

My depression causes me to be apart. I feel different from others. I find it very hard to mix with people who are "alive and well". So, I remain alone bundled up in a safe but miserable cocoon.

Have you ever felt this way?

I know what I need. I can feel the loneliness, an ache inside. In my mind's eye I see a ghostly parade of familiar faces, old friends, all gone now. Still, I need people, people to talk to, to communicate with, maybe God permit, a laugh!

Have you ever felt this way?

But I can't escape what I'm in, so I must wait for it to pass...weeks...months...years.

I'm reminded of a quote by Charles Bukowski regarding his drinking/literary lifestyle. I think it fits depression too.

"And as my hands drop a last desperate pen, in some cheap room, they will find me there and never know my name, my meaning nor the treasure of my escape".

[Indra]

Hey TMB,

Or should I say Uncle Bob - you crack me up! It would have been even funnier if you had said Uncle Buck lol sorry for the lateness - this is take 2 - the laptop died as I was almost finished round 1! Grrr

I am glad that you and your friend have a great support network around you - and most welcome - I would be feeling anxious if I was waiting for surgery too. Will be in my thoughts when the time comes x

The dating thing I am not putting to much faith into - don't think there too many genuine people left out in the world  - not quite ready to have my heart trampled on again. A half wall up lol Yep - over the counter meals a little to heavy for me - I shouldn't complain as I didn't have to pay! I thought you were generalising with the dirt nap statement - phew! - although I prefer Irises to daisies lol

You are on the ball with the music TMB! Judith was their first release and a great song and yes, Magdalena is the fave - very intense song. You are so biased with The Fall lol but they are your fave, so it easy to promote lol I got the Jack Johnson Cd in the mix in the car - miniman has allowed it haha My eldest was even whistling Engel - was funny because his teacher knew what it was! I have heard of Dream Theatre but not listened to it.

Quiet weekend for us - well for the boys - stressful for me lol Glad you have some company (envious haha) and indulging in rugby (football lol), shopping and I knew some Thai food would be in the mix!

I read the bio on The Drop - sounds interesting - it must have been one of James Gandolfini's last movies too. I have seen Tom Hardy in Rock N Rolla -great movie that one! I couldn't take to Birdman - even with Michael Keaton in it - but that's just me lol

Perfect Skin is a good song (I knew what it was) and liked the lyrics - sometimes a person's smile can have the most beauty, regardless of what  they look like.

Too much walking shoes worn thin,Too much trippin' and my soul's worn thin, Time to catch her ride it leaves today, Her name is what it means,Too much walking shoes worn thin,Time to take her home, Her dizzy head is conscious laden. Time to take a ride it leaves today, No conversation - Big Empty - Stone Temple Pilots

To follow on in German - "Und ein starkes Herz wird das gleiche tun"

Big massive cyber hug back Uncle Bob (TMB lol)

Take care of yourself and your crew mein fantastisches Freund!

'Til you write again,

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Gee, I hope your laptop isn't kaput! Isn't that a pain when you have to write it all over again! Uncle Buck, is that John Candy? it's stretching my memory a bit!

Yes, my friend is lucky to have good support. And thank you for your kind intentions too, much appreciated. She will be, literally, a new woman after the Op!

I'd be a bit suss using a dating service too but I'd try it, maybe, to see what it's like. I can fully understand your reservations and a half wall up sounds fine to me. My walls have been up for years! only now are they coming down a bit at a time. Love "dirt nap"!

I'm glad miniman has sanctioned the Jack Johnson CD! lol. Is it good? I woke around 5am the other morning and listened to Janis Joplin's "Pearl". Liked it 7 out of 10. Liked Mercedes Benz and Cry Baby. Funny story about your eldest and whistling Engel! I saw Rick Springfield being interviewed on "One plus one" the other day. Didn't quite catch it but think he's in a "Rock" movie with Meryl Streep!

I'd gladly give up my Friday night footy to see you guys, to give you a break! We could listen to The Fall all night!! Ha Ha! I have good company but our friendship is special to me. Anyway, my weekend has so far gone to plan. My team lost!! I'm shattered. And our best player and captain was injured. Have Thai food coming out our ears!!

You're right about James Gandolfini. He was in his last film with Julia Louis-Dreyfus called "Enough Said" that was supposed to be very good. One I'd like to see! I haven't even heard of Rock N Rolla!! but will keep my eye out! Thanks. I will watch "Birdman"tonight! and will let you know what I think.

You're very perceptive and I know it's true what you say about a person's smile. Sometimes a face literally lights up when someone smiles despite their appearance.

I found the Stone Temple Pilot's lyrics for "Big Empty" quite enjoyable especially "Her dizzy head is conscious laden" As always it'd be good to hear the accompanying music.

If you wake up and don't want to smile, If it take just a little while, Open your eyes and look at the day, You'll see things in a different way, Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, Don't stop, it'll soon be here, It'll be even better than before, Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone. - Don't Stop - Fleetwood Mac.

And...La meilleure et la plus belle des choses dans le monde ne peut pas être vu ou même touché - ils doivent se faire sentir avec le coeur.

Big massive cyber hug to you and the lads

Take care, mon bon ami

TMB (Uncle Bob)

[Indra]

Hey TMB,

Laptop is fine - just has a hissy fit from time to time lol Yep pain in the butt lol and yes it was a John Candy film too lol

Glad to hear that the op is going to help your friend immensely - all welcome - it's me - I do care!

The dating site I am very over lol it is sooo frustrating! I will just meander on my own for now and deal with being lonely! See, we both have the half walls happening lol can't throw caution entirely into the wind haha

The Cd isn't too bad - pretty mellow - but has some great lyrics to it! I like you even more now - Janis! She is my fave female artist - Pearl is a good album and I like Move Over as well! 5am - you are starting to sound like me being up that early lol Rick Springfield - that's a blast from the past too!

Awww - TMB that is so cool of you! You would be tortured with Spongebob lol Miniman would rock out with you lol Your friendship is special to me as well - sometimes I get a little sad having a close friend that I probably won't get to meet - I understand the ways of the forum - so as long as I get to talk - it's all good! Sorry about your team and it's captain being injured - double blow! Now that would be a look seeing Pad Thai coming out of ones ears lol Imagine the burning sensation!

Rock N Rolla is one of Guy Ritchie's films - in the same vein as Snatch etc worth a watch! Good luck with Birdman - I will be waiting for your review!

I try to be perceptive - I have never been a judgemental person - I believe happiness and beauty resonates from within.

Fleetwood Mac - classic band - my favourite is Gold Dust Woman- I usually prefer Stevie Nicks singing! Tomorrow is always another day - don't always look forward to it lol

All for you, Everlasting love forever skies of blue, All in your heart, Never ending just a means for start, Comfort in your eyes, For the warmth inside your smile, Faith's done gone astray, It was you who made living all worth the while I thank you my child, It was you who made living all worth the while I thank you my child - I thank you child - Zakk Wylde - I am thankful for my dynamic duo....

Oh my TMB - the French quote - I got teary, a wonderful expression has me at a loss for words! That is saying something for me!

Der Geist wird die Herzen zu folgen , um das Gefühl, etwas Besonderes.

Big massive cyber hug back TMB - Bob - but with Rowan Atkinson (Blackadder) pronouncing it lol

Take care of you mein guter Freund!

Later....

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Don't mind me asking, "How come the dating site is so frustrating?" And you'd rather be alone for now, that's fair enough. I sometimes complain about my solitude and yet at other times I embrace it! Like an old comfortable jacket you can put on! Hey, I guess we do need some walls but not 100% impenetrable ones. lol.

Think I told you I have Janis Joplin's Box set! Included is "Big Brother & The Holding Company", "Cheap Thrills", "Pearl", "Race Peace" and "I got Dem Ol' Kozmic Blues Again Mama!". Haven't listened to them all yet but will. I like her voice, so  raw and powerful!

Miniman "rocking out with me" sounds interesting! So does being tortured by SpongeBob! lol. Sounds like fun! Yeah, I'm quite disappointed that our friendship probably won't go further than Beyond Blue. Would've been nice to have gotten to know you more and one day possibly meet up. Anyway...will make the most of it as they say. Maybe in another life? lol!

I had a look yesterday at "Rock N Rolla". It looked pretty good and was cheap. However, I got "Under Her Skin", a spooky Sci-fi and "Rocky Balboa". I saw some of RB the other day and really liked it... I watched "Birdman" the other night and liked it 6 out of 10. But to be fair, I need to watch it again. The first 20 mins the dialogue was partially drowned out by chippy eating! I did like parts of it, so will get back to you with a proper review as soon as!

I used to think I wasn't too judgemental, now I'm not sure. I can make instant decisions about people at times (especially when in negative mode). I try to blot these judgements out but it is a struggle. Am working on it!

Guess what, I have satay noodles coming out my ears! May have asked you before but do you have a favourite Thai dish? I love Thai food and the people! Want to go back there one day too!

That was a beautiful excerpt from Zakk Wylde, the love for a child. Or in your case 2 children! You are lucky, Indra!

When you crack the sky, scrapers fill the air. Will you keep on building higher 'til there's no more room up there? Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry? Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die? I know we've come a long way, We're changing day to day, But tell me, where do the children play? Cat Stevens.

Liked your German quote, full of meaning and to follow, Parfois le coeur voit ce qui est invisible pour les yeux.

Big massive cyber hug to you, mon ami

All the very best to your two wonderful boys!

Take care (happiness to you all)

TMB

[Indra]

Hey TMB!

Hoping that you are well! Oh the dating site thing - I get frustrated with it - being the free site, about 95% of the males on there are only chasing a casual, physical thing, when I had clearly stated that I wasn't! I also wasn't used to getting bombarded by all of the requests! (I had 50 likes at one stage and I hadn't even looked at any of them lol) I don't mind being in my own company, I guess for me it's the night times that I find the hardest. The walls are coming down slowly and steadily - no race to be run there!

Janis is awesome - I have like her music since I was a teen! So a long time lol

Thank you for sharing about our friendship - it is disappointing - but being a public forum can hardly share phone numbers or anything lol at least there is some line of communication and yep will make the most of it!

Did you fall asleep again through Birdman? hahaha I think the first 20 mins put me off of the film lol Rock N Rolla is one of Guy Ritchie's movies. I also liked his others - Layer Cake, Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. All with good twists to them!

I think as we get older we become more aware or perceptive of others - it is easy to judge on first glance sometimes though. I am glad you are working on it and hope the negatives are starting to become less.

What a great look - satay noodle earrings perhaps? Lmao! I probably am a bit safe with the Thai, but do enjoy cold rolls. I have had a dish before that had bamboo in it - but can't remember what it was called lol - not much help I know!

I am lucky with my two - but Miniman's Asperger trait are starting to become a lot of hard work to deal with lately - especially the OCD traits! Bring on the coffee again and panadol and bourbon (not really for the last one lol) I am also very partial to Zakk Wylde too lol

Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier Sie atmet dich sie sucht nach dir Nistet auf gebrochenen Herzen Geht auf Jagd bei Kuss und Kerzen Saugt sich fest an deinen Lippen Gräbt sich Gänge durch die Rippen Lässt sich fallen weich wie Schnee Erst wird es heiß dann kalt am Ende tut es weh - Amour - Rammstein. Sorry, I am cheating today - it's both my song and German quote lol I like the fact that there songs sometimes have a duality to them. Everyone can take what meaning from them that they choose! Cat Steven has some great lyrics too - thanks!

Big massive cyber hug back Mein Freund!

May your day be a happy one too!

Rocking on!

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Where to start? Well, I guess I'll get straight to the point! I've decided, after much consideration, to have a break from writing for a while. I'm going through a bit of a difficult period right now and really need to have some time out.

But, I wanted to tell you THANKS for being a true friend to me, the value of which I can't estimate. So many rewards!!! from corresponding with you.

Hope to be back on the boards soon.

Until then,

All the Best

TMB

[Indra]

Hey TMB,

So sorry to hear that you have hit a difficult time in your life.

Take all the time you need - just get yourself better and hoping you find some peace out there.

So welcome for the friendship - anytime time you need an ear!

Take care of yourself my friend,

Best wishes

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hello Indra!

Wow, its been several months since I've written here. I wonder if you still check the boards?... I hope you do and I hope you have been well, the boys too. I have been going pretty good. Have moved house, successfully and really like my new abode. Much quieter than my previous place. My social life has grown from one to two people (lol) and it looks like expanding further as I am beginning to do lawn mowing for a local charity. So things are definitely looking up for me! My depression is slowly ebbing away, it will take time for me to be 100% but I think I can get there.

Really hope my time away has been a prosperous time for you and your sons. Would be awesome to hear how you are going but I understand if you have moved on, so to speak. Anyway, just wanted to say Hi and wish you the best.  

Cheers mon ami!

from TMB

[geoff]

dear the_motorcycle_boy, it's been a few months since this post has been posted, but so pleased to hear the good news that slowly your depression is going away, so I wish you all the best. Geoff.

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Geoff,

Thanks so much for your best wishes. It was a real surprise to hear from you and that you were pleased at my good news. I have been making solid progress of late and am nearly at the pearly gates of normality. BUT past experience tells me not to get too far ahead of myself but to remain patient. Anyway, thanks again for your kind words. I hope you are traveling well and have a joy-filled Xmas.

TMB