Croix Parler

[Croix]

I'd like to use this pace for miscellaneous matters that don't fit elsewhere or you think I might help

Thanks

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix & everyone,

Have you tried building a glasshouse atop the igloo? feel sure the catnip will grow in all the sunlight, well, when spring comes around & all summer long & even into autumn. We may need some sunlamps for winter. You might even like a sunbed amongst the catnip

I invented cat-friendly diving gear years ago It wasn't easy given that I don't want to have an all-over shave just to put it on. Ordinary diving gear for humans pulls on my fur something awful, so it was necessary I come up with an alternative. Rounding up pesky penguins is more than a full-time job. Want to help? You, Croix, are built for it, perfectly just the way you are. 

& 'Flipperslippers', my new range of specialty, bespoke line of slippers for the hard-to-fit connoisseur of comfy footwear.

& I understand why you'd would not be eager to stay in bed after nightmares. I've had the occasional bad dream, & although reluctant to call them nightmares, they can be disturbing enough to make me want to not sleep & even to get up & do something else. I prefer to record them, now using a word document on my pc. It's not as good as when I could immediately reach for pen & paper, but it still moves it from running round my head. I can leave it there, with help from my imagination, on my word document until later, if at all.

My PDr asks about the feelings rather than the content of the dreams. He seems to think it's more important to focus on that Sometimes I think the content ought not be ignored.

It sure is frustrating if you are having nightmares about certain events, years after they happened. That's pretty horrible.

I remember reaching to my cat, the real Mekitty, & petting her, hearing her purr, helped me to re-orient me to where I was, you know, no longer in the dream. It was really very nice, very comforting.

I've been missing her again. It's okay, though - even getting teary is okay.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear MK~

First off my humble apologies for calling you sensible, still what can you expect from a walrus?

Possibly scallywag and mischief make might be closer to it?

Is there any possibility of gettng another cat? Both you and ER have gained a lot from one in the past. Still even memories may be a comfort. I still grin about a small dog with character who had a sense of humor, even though he went to that big kennel many years ago.

Dreams or nightmares, one merges into the other, and while some are more or less accurate reproductions of the past others as on similar themes though about nonsensical events that never happened. Both have a pretty strong effect.

I've tried meds, and I've tried thinking up happy ending before I sleep, neither helped. Writing down on a bedside pad allowed me to more or less accurately describe the nightmare, however I found it, far from purging it from my mind, reinforced it, not something I wanted.

My psych has asked me what each means when I've gone so far as to relate the latest one. I've not been able to answer that except n the most general of terms, not much help.

Still they are less frequent by far nowadays and often in response to something if I'd thought about it I would have avoided -a skill I still have to work on.

Rounding up pesky penguins sounds like healthy exercise (for the penguins that is 😕

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix, (& everyone)

Last dream/nightmare I had I think was directly related to how my stove wasn't working, fearing a fire or some such, because I dreamed about my smoke alarms going off, waking me & me beginning to panic. Then, I quickly realised I'd now actually awakened to no alrarms going off, so no need to panic because it was just a dream.

But somehow my PDr thought it related to my feelings about his impending break.

I've been panicky about these in the past, but not much anymore. I just don't like his holidays. I'm used to them now.

I rarely find it helps to ask about what my feelings were in the dream & how they may relate to any real-world thing in my life. I do find it funny-haha how easily he seems to link my dreams & the feelings related to them to whatever feelings are about him. That's still damn difficult because I still know so very little about him. He has rarely said anything about himself, his life, his breaks even.

I like it that way. I feel no expectation to carry any of his personal problems. I don't have to worry about if he has strong feelings or thoughts which would be at odds with mine. As he said, when Ifirst began to see him, I am not responsible for his thoughts, feelings or even his behaviour - he is.

For me, most dreams I recall, even the dreams from decades ago, I have thought of as another sort of fiction, like another story for my entertainment. Even those dreams others might call nightmares, I've thought of as dreams, because they were more often (not always), so unreal, just like some fiction I've read.

Yet, there have been a few really awful dreams, highly emotional, dreams where the emotions were out of control, or I felt really out of control of what was happening in the dream.They didn't litterally re-enact some past event, but integrated aspects of them into the dream, & bringing me the feelings I'd managed to suppress into my awareness.

Those are tough to deal with. I found writing them out, maybe painting, (later), & because I could also approach them like they were stories, I guess I kept the emotions at a safe distance. I think that's how it worked for me.

But, no, I don't like the idea that dreams ought to mean anything absolutely specific. They may generalise at best, or be echoes from our deeper minds, which is where we keep stuff that doesn't feel safe, at least, not yet.

Nowadays, I might only remember one dream per month.

Hugzies,

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

...& furthermore, Croix, if I can use a dream to write a poem or in bit of fiction, I will. Just as I did when I could paint & an image I had recalled from a dream would lead to a painting, trying to reproduce that image.

I wrote a couple of little poems recently about that dream/nightmare. I put them on my 'Poems by mmMekitty' thread, along with a few I'd written in response to thinking about joining an online 'course' exploring writing about vision loss & related stuff about that. I'm not going to join the group for that, because with how my laptop is set up, joined to my tv (which is my monitor), it's ot practical. That's the main reason. The other reason is that I fear they want us to produce uplifting, 'inspiring' writing, which I simply don't do. That is not what my writing is for.

I had thought about another cat. I very nearly kept a little kitten which had come to my back door in early December 2019. Such a lovely black kitten, but I realised I had begun to have so much trouble being able to look after Mekitty in the year she died, that I understood keeping this little kitten would be stoo difficult for me. I wrote a Haiku for her:

Ember

My heart burns to ash

Holding this dark, hot, purring

Ember in my hand.

-mmMekitty Jan 12, 2020.

I'd taken a few photos when she was in my flat & I use one to illustrate the poem. She wasn't looking at me, so it is a more or less a silhouette of her sitting on my speckled dark blue carpeted floor.

I later had a dream, & I wish I could have painted her as I saw her in the dream, as an adult cat, with her thick coat puffed out so it appeared she had a silvery halo all around her body. She was still as alive as I felt her to be when I held her in my hands.

I can only hope that the vet who came to collect her did indeed take her to her own home.

These unitw where I live are not really the best of places for a pet. Mostly the units are too small. I cannot have an area turned into a cat enclosure for a cat to be outside & safe - & not getting at any wildlife, either.

Hugzies,

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear MK~

You gave lovely advice to Ember_Glow, and you sell yourself short if you do not think you are sensible. Spilling coffee or bumping into people in no way detracts from that.

Why does anyone feel there is any obligation for verse to be uplifting or give hope? There is room for both.  I think if you had the correct impression of that group you were wise, as what you write has the power of truth, nothing artificial. So if truth is unhappy there are still messages.

Wilfred Owen was a soldier and poet in WW1 and bucked the jingoistic trend about the war and his evocations were very true and dark. So was at least one of Tom Waites' songs. They are timeless and universal.

If you can't have another kitten them memories must serve. Pets do not live long enough, or have to leave, I'm pretty sure the vet would have told you the truth or you would have sensed it.

Memories of pets can be permanent. We had a little white fluffy dog who will always be with me. He liked grapes (go figure) and when pleased with himself would sit upright on his backside and grin, in fact he always grinned so hard he wrinkled up his snoot until he sneezed. You could always hear him coming on our hard floors with his claws going rittle rattle.

His specialty was to go into stealth mode, no sounds at all and sneak up right behind Mrs C and give one loud YAP! Mrs C would jump out of her skin and exclaim the name of a notable religious figure. The little white dog would sit up, grinning and sneezing, well pleased with his efforts.

Have a sprig of catnip 🌿

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hello Croix, Mrs C, too, eh?

... & your little fluffy dog, too.... [LrC wearing a witch's costume, riding a very comfy broomstick.]

"Thank you". That's all I've heard one needs to say. Somehow, I still don't know how to easily accept compliments or praise, but I keep trying. I can only hope nobody seems fit to give me any kind of award or medal. That would be too much. When someone saw fit to put the 'Valued Contributor' next to my avatar, I felt like some mistake had happened. No, couldn't be me; I'm not that good. As you know, it got too hard, like I was in over my head. 

I have so many memories of Mekitty & all the pets from my childhood & a few animal friends since. I miss the animals more than the people. People have tended to leave me thinking these relationships were simply confusing & sometimes scary. I was scared by a horse, once, & that was about as bad as it ever was with animals. From behind, he just stepped on my foot, trying to get to a piece of bread I was holding. WEll, actually, there was one worse situation with a Samoyed dog, who was very confused himself. That was bad. My father & the neighbours thought it was hilarious.

I've had it said to me that people want the happy ending. Sometimes there is no ending, happy or otherwise. There may be no answers, no one comes to solve the mystery. sometimes it's all comes to no conclusion, no 'closure', the characters simply have to muddle their way into the future, just like we do, going on still flawed & prone to making mistakes.

Oh well, I'm not in a good mood tonight. Too much going on around here, where I live. I've had my music playing & it's not as distracting as I'd like. Not an entire waste of effort, but my pleasure has been interrupted several times today & into this evening.

Hugzies,

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear MK (& LRC of course)~

Giving and receiving praise can be a tricky thing to do, on the one hand having the knack to make this a better place really should be acknowledged, both for the recipient and also for others to gain encouragement.

On the other hand it can make the recipient think they now have a standard to live up to, which of course is not the case. As far as I can see you were recognized as a Valued Contributor just for being yourself - no extra effort required.

I like happy endings in films and books and will try to avoid those that do not end well.  I suppose this is a reaction to the real world which very often contains great unhappiness. I just saw the movie "H is for Hawk" and realy wish I hadn't.

As you say "Sometimes there is no ending, happy or otherwise" , I guess as Tripitaka says in Monkey Magic it is about personal growth and understanding despite one's flaws.

I hope whatever was interrupting you has gone away (I bet it was a penguin) and you  have a peaceful evening underscored by music you appreciate.

Croix

[mmMekitty]

YeS! [grinning LRC] I remember Monkey Magic - wasnt' that a wonderful show?! 

... Oh, I just thought how tired I am, & I need to be up & ready to go out at 8:30 tomorrow, for an apt at a hospital.

Goodnight alll, with a wish for the loveliest of dreams.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hello Croix,

I'm going to be going into hospital for a couple days,in late August, for a couple procedures - not nice procedures, so I'm not looking forward to that with any enthusiasm, but with a certain amount of anxiety. The preparation for the procedures is not easy, nor comfortable. Since i need help to do it correctly, I'm going into the hospital the afternoon before the procedures. Then I'll be in until the following morning. 

Lots of paperwork., a comprehensive blood test today, an ultrasound a week before going into the hospital. 

I had imagined the info sheets could have be available for me to download, but no. It's all paper. 

I am just slightly hopeful I can get a room to myself. That would alleviate my discomfort about being around people so much. Of-course, there will be nurses & other staff around. That's unavoidable. 

I expect to be wanting to get out of bed to use the bathroom, frequently, & someone has to check the contents of the bowl, because I con't see well enough to be relied upon to tell them about it. That part feels so embarrassing, not to mention if I don't make it to the bathroom in time.

& it is likely I won't sleep. I will want to use my phone to listen to a book or music to entertain myself or to distract myself from all the noises around me, as well as distracting myself from listening to my tinnitus. It's not possible to do that with my hearing aids in, so others may well hear my phone & maybe be irritated by that. 

I don't know what they will do about the anaesthetic, considering the odd effect I had to one of those drugs used in anaesthesia last time. Waking up with those awful thoughts & feelings like all my past traumas rolled into one, & then to experience that level of jumpiness, like being shocked with electricity, whenever I heard certain sounds, like hearing the trolley was as if a train was coming at me. Other milder sounds simply had me feeling startled every time, even when I was expecting them for three days.

must go again. I'm surprised how late it is. 

Goodnight again, with hugzies,

mmMekitty