Back on the board...

[joey]

Hi,

I am have decided to start posting a few replies on the board but thought I should share a few things...

I have been on and off the BB bulletin board for at least 5 years - I would say many more but cant remember exactly when it started. In terms of my metal health history I would say I am a 'recovered borderline' - meaning I had borderline personality disorder but no longer meet the criteria. I also have a history of 10 years of depression and suicidal thoughts/ideation and self harming. I am also currently recovered in this respect for the past 2 years. I have previously been on antidepressants (pretty much tried them all), antipsychotics, mood stabilisers and who knows what else!! For 10 years nothing really worked. I mention all this because I hope that even though I am currently recovered I can give advice to people and they know I have walked that road and understand. Trust me - I haven't forgotten and probably never will. I don't want to because I have learnt a lot from the experience and although I would rather I hadn't been through it I do believe it's made me a better person.

Anyway why am I back? ... Truth is I don't know. Sometimes I find myself here. I want to help others but it's also about me. I  guess mental illness has been a big part of my life and I am not letting go of that yet. I hope I can help others but first I need to protect myself and hope people understand this. So here are a few things I need to do and reasons I left in the past...

- I am very paranoid about my identity. It's irrational. But I feel my friends will come on here and know who I am etc etc. I feel everyone will. So I hope people understand I will sometimes avoid some details that I perceive might identify me! I don't use my real name so it's unlikely but that how my mind works. At least some people here will understand that.

- Sometimes I got offended by what others on here said to me. Sometimes this might of been unfounded but it's how it was and I note from peoples posts this happens to other people too.

- Sometimes I will recognise it's not healthy for me to be here. This means I will go and take a break. I need to do this for me. I want to be here as my past is important but I cant spend too much time here. This needs to be a very small part of my life so I can continue to move forward. So I wont answer posts for the sake of it. There are so many posts here these days. Sometimes I want to reply to everyone but I am only going to reply where I feel I really have something useful to say.  

I don't know. This comes across as a bit of a list of rules! You are probably thinking who is this person - we didn't ask her to be here. True you didn't. I chose to be. I just don't want to write a few posts an then upset people on here by not replying or disappearing. Sometimes I will only pop in once a week or less. That's what's ok for me.  I know we are all vulnerable. I guess also in the end I have essentially recovered from my illness but I want you to know that I am still vulnerable too! And I guess that's the thing - I know one day I too may be back needing support!

Joey

[Neil_1]

Hi Joey  

Thank you for sending this post and for giving out some of your thoughts and opinions about the BB site.  

I can totally understand your views when you say that you’ll be on here for a while and then might go away for some time and then come back again.  This is, as you say, how you’ve rolled for 5 years or so and during this time, you’re now feeling as though you’re on top of this illness and for that I am so happy for you.  I don’t know you at all, but just to hear that you’ve come back and to possibly offer any advice, experience to others is an absolutely awesome thing to do.  And I will say again how pleased I am for you that at this moment, you’ve essentially recovered.  

But at the same time vulnerable and I can understand that as well … but when I saw the word, vulnerable, my first reading of it was valuable … and that’s what I consider you (and other posters on this site to be).  Valuable as they are offering thoughts, advice, assistance and support to people who post on here seeking that kind of support. 

It’s a brilliant thing … and I hope that in the future, you won’t be back on needing support.   What I am a bit, um, concerned about though is that you (and apparently others) have experienced times on here where the thoughts/posts of others have caused them to be offended.  I know this site is ‘patrolled – if you will’ for detrimental messages, because for what this site is, it’s imperative that people feel comfortable about posting on here and that they will receive messages of support, care, compassion and assistance.  I would like to think that there’d be no-one on here who’d be callous enough to try and offend someone outright … but if offense has been taken, I would hope that it was due to a communication mix-up or a possibly mis-reading of the posters message.  Because as we know, we’re all mostly on egg-shells here and for anything to come back to us with a seeming offensive tone could really have potential to tip us over … which no-one wants.  I guess my last point on this particular subject is that if that does happen, that’s why they (the good people from B.B.) have inserted the ‘Report Post’ button for such occasions … and I hope that that button is not pressed too often.  

I also liked your rules that you produced … I think it’s good to have that kind of thing;   it helps to keep things on track and to keep things from getting out of control.  

Again Joey, I’d like to ‘informally welcome you’ back onto B.B. and look forward to reading some of your posts in the future.  

Cheers  

Neil

[geoff]

dear Joey, nice to have you back, and that you have overcome this illness, like I have, but I don't think that we are ever totally free from depression, because we do have relapses, as I had a short one this year.

I believe that this new BB site has changed completely from the old BB, but at first we were a bit flabbergasted by the change, but now we have become accustomed to it, and the filter is better plus we now have a manager who corresponds with us almost daily. Geoff.

[Jo3]

Welcome back Joey,

And I'm glad you're back!!  You have already given me some support and advice and I greatly appreciate it.

Until I came on here about 6 months ago I didn't know who to turn to but now that I'm on here I am so thankful so have so many members that are caring, supportive, loving and genuinely concerned for others without any judgement at all.

Looking forward to chatting again

Take care

Jo