Siri says, "turn left at the next roundabout for the depression clinic"

[Neil_1]

Hi there   You might remember me from bulletin boards at Beyond Blue from a number of months ago … I was once called the ‘long lost uncle’.  Well it appears I’m back again.  While I’ve been ‘ok’ for a while, I’ve never been fully safe and happy.

I refer to my depression as the ocean and I’m the beach.  It’s there all the time and it continually laps away at me;   coming in a bit further at times and other times, it recedes back a little.  But all the while, it’s still there.  What it IS doing though is encroaching on my beach a little more as each year goes by.  It’s getting worse.

At present it feels like there’s a massive storm cell and I’m experiencing some massive tidal damage.

You go along to your Doc, to your psyche and do all the things that you “should be doing to help yourself” and the very sad thing is, that at the end of all that, the depression is still there.   I feel like crying, but the tears just won’t come.

I am in the midst of writing up ‘my story’ as was advised by my psychologist.  As I mentioned to her, how I keep a diary of my life (every day) but I also journal down my thoughts on my depression and how I am – thoughts that are straight from the mind when I’m in an incredibly low place – kind of like an unedited version of what’s going on in my head.  My psyche suggested that to put all that down “and more” to try and create a book of some sort.  So this has taken a lot of my time over the past number of months and I really feel like it’s coming along quite well.  I think I mentioned this, as I read recently that another poster out there is also writing a book about their battle with depression.   I really don’t know how many books there are out there in regard to this subject and also of people’s personal accounts of it.  But hey, why not give it a shot and see what happens out of it.

So there you go, the long lost uncle has come back for a while … this is my want, I guess … where I pop in for a while and try to make contributions as well as to seek personal assistance from like minded folk.  No doubt will be in touch at some stage in the future and ps:  it’s good to see Geoff still appearing here on a regular basis … and you know what I mean by that, in that, it’d be fantastic if “no-one” had to write or comment or appear on such a website as this, which would mean there’d be no such thing as depression, anxiety, nervousness, you name it, but because there is, it’s always good to see familiar names and people who have amazing skills in being so caring and supportive to others.

Cheers

Neil

[Jo3]

Hi Neil

Just read your post and I understand what you mean about your depression being like an ocean.  I too suffer from depression, anxiety, childhood sexual abuse and borderline personality disorder as well as my parents disowning me 3 yrs ago when i told them i had memories of the abuse.  It's been a hell 3 yrs and even now I have a good day but many bad days.  Hopefully one day that will be the reverse.

 It's good that you are writing a book on your journey and a diary.  I find this helps when I write down my deep feelings and thoughts that are sometimes hard to explain verbally.

 I am in the process of writing a book on my journey with depression, childhood sexual abuse and BPD.  It's only in the very beginning stages but hopefully one day I will get the book printed.  Writing my book as been an enormous emotional roller coaster but I am glad that I am doing this so to help others in similar situations.

 Hopefully you can get your book up and printed as well.

Take care

Jo