Alcohol battles & DOG days (and a small Neil update)

[Neil_1]

Hi there

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the use of the term "DOG", I've now coined a new phrase "Days Off Grog".  🙂

It used to be for me for so long, AFD's - Alcohol Free Day's, but during April, I dug deep into my brain (and yes, it did hurt!) and have come up with a new and I think improved version - DOG days.

For me, I count them each year and have done so for a while now - it's because I'm canal - people bear with me here - had to use the word canal, as each time I've used the 'real word' in the past, it hasn't made it past the mods.  So my friends, just remove the c from the front of that word and you'll exactly what I am.  I don't think it's a bad thing, I think it borders on OCD to some extent.

ANYWAY, my real point of this thread is that even though May has started - I'm just wondering if anyone out there would like to try for a few DOG days for this month?

I ask this because I get a real sense that yes, alcohol IS an issue for so many of us and yes, while we know that it does help us deaden our demons for a while, I guess if you look at it from a human body perspective and professional health viewpoint, drinking heaps every day isn't a good thing.  I'm talking about me here - and even though I do exercise each day as well - my thinking that negates it to some extent - perhaps, or it just helps my mind to think so.

I still haven't been able to gym it of late due to about 3 niggling issues - and I've finally bit the bullet and will be seeing my physio on Monday arve - possibly to determine which of the injuries is the most significant, etc etc. But I won't bore you with those details.

My mind continues to plague and torture me - and has anyone ever felt when say you're walking in a shopping centre or the like and you're passing someone and they look at you and yet, they continue to look at you.  I can understand someone looking and then they look away (nothing to see here, move along kind of thing) but when someone continues to look at you till they pass.  I've had that recently and wowee, it gets to me.  I used to look away in a kind of embarassment or fear - but of late, I just stare right back at them.  It gets me angry for some reason - and I find that I'm doing that with strangers a bit now.  I don't know why it is.

Lastly, what is comforting is when my psyche tells me that my time on here is invaluable - and that it's such a great thing to be able to reach out to others and help as much as I can.  She thinks it's a really positive sign that I've found something that I actually enjoy doing - and also actually feel like I'm contributing - contributing into helping others - whereas for the job that I'm paid for during 5 days a week, I just don't get that feel.  And folks, that's the devil isn't it - that's the hard part.  To find a job that you're happy with and that it also brings in the dollars to help you survive in this world.

D'oh - I've rambled again, when I was really trying to extend this to anyone who is currently drinking and was just thinking, that maybe I could see if I could have a day here or there off.  I'm in a bad mode at the moment and I'm now only drinking on days with R in them.  Today of course is SundRay.  🙂  🙂

Cheers

Neil

[Jo3]

Hey Neil

I like that DOG days!!

You never ramble, I always enjoy reading what you have to say to me and others.  You are so caring, genuine and compassionate with lots of empathy.

I hate that too when people just stare and don't stop. It really annoys me too.

I am so happy that I have met you on here because you have supported me so much. You have given me advice and tips on exercise and diet; help with staying motivated etc. And you do this all while you are struggling yourself - you're just amazing.

You know what - I say Neil go and have a drink - yeah today can be SunRay!!!

Take care my friend

Jo 

[Over_It1]

Hi Neil,

I love the term DOG days I might give it a try but in reverse lol .... Days On Grog so far I'm at 30 days sober which is the longest I've gone since I was 15 ... now 40 (previous record was maybe 5 days) but I think I'm, going to stay on the fully sober train for a few more months,

As for the ramblings you told me that rambling was good so I'll allow it :p. even though with my short attention span I had trouble reading it all. 

Good luck with DOG days and remember the more you do the better you will feel ....doh (now I sound like a reformed drinker) lol

[geoff]

dear Neil, my friend, you know that DOG could also mean 'days on grog' lol.

There is a point in all of what you say, do you feel as though you should have DOG or DOG, both in their different meanings, but then you could cut your DOG in half, so that you don't need DOG, totally confused, so am I . Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Well, what about that - I had never even considered the option that the O in DOG could represent the word "on".   Talk about being very blinkered.

My old battle continues inside me - why are we here?   What's it all for?

I don't have answers - but in the end, what is this all for?    Cause once you finish up on this earth, that is it.  This does trouble me quite a lot - too much in fact.  Once you finish breathing, that's it.  It's just like any other animal that dies - if they're an adorable pet, you mourn for them and bury them, perhaps in your backyard and that's it for them.   Same thing goes for people - except for the difference that generally, we don't bury 'em in the backyard (well, I hope that most of us don't).

I could go on, but I'm having troubles collecting my thoughts right at the moment.

Neil

[MaryG]

Hi Neil,

Why are we here?....What's it all for? 

On my bad days/weeks I struggle with these questions too. Why am I alive? What's the point? But when I am feeling more rational and stable, I think Why does there have to be a reason? Why waste time struggling with this? I am here today and I am alive. 

Mary

[geoff]

dear All of the above, the question is why are we here on earth, we had no option, we couldn't say yes or no, we were the sperm and the egg that matched together, not any of the other many million sperms that could have been struggling beside us, so it was a match, and no one would ever know what was installed for us in our present life, and if we did know, then we would have tried our hardest not to be the match.

You look at babies and think to yourself what is going to happen to these young infants later on in life, is it going to a good life or are they going to suffer from all  misachievement ailments that the world throws at us, or perhaps are they going to change for the worse as time progresses, no one knows.

There is alot for us to worry about and personally I worry about what Mary and Neil have said in this post, which was meant to start off as DOG post, which was just a part jovial comment, but now for me it's a very serious one which I do worry about for them. Geoff.

[The_Geordie]

Hi Guys,

I have only just signed up to this site today as I am looking for ideas and help to get me through my issues.

I have long history of Major Depression, Anxiety and Panic Disorder, all brought on (I believe) from the mistakes I have made in my life thus far.  Many of these bad choices have been made with drink on board and although I dont think I am an alcoholic in the common interpretation of the word I do know that it not doing me any favours and turning me into a person I dont like.

So yes I am all for joining you in your Dog day plan, I havent had a drink since Saturday evening (following a massive weekend bender, where I have totally made a fool out of myself and upset many people close to me).

Also can anybody give me any advice on Mania as up until I cam crashing down to earth this weekend I was thinking I was invincible, work was great, marriage was great and ive done my best to ruin it all.

Cheers in advance

Marty 

[Neil_1]

Hi Geoff - this is kind of a trivial post, but also half serious one - but with my latest burst, I might transfer that over to the main depression site, cause I feel like venting.

Hi there Marty

And welcome aboard the good ship, Beyond Blue.  It's great that you've come on here and we'll do our best to see what advice we might be able to produce for you.

You know, I've read that a few times on here, where posters will come on and say they had a massive night on the drink and out of that, they verbally (mostly) upset others - friends and/or family.

Now I can't say I've ever done that - firstly going on a massive bender - those days are way behind me;  I just drink steadily most evenings (I'm trying not to, but obviously not trying hard enough) but yeah, so I have a reasonable number and then i turn to bed.  I might do a couple of odd things around the house to see if I can make my daughter laugh - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  But can't say I've ever got to the stage of being so blind that I wanted to launch into someone.

So what is mania? 

Ok, you had a bender on the weekend - work was great (is it different now - was it a work function?)    Your marriage was great (i'm assuming your wife was at this function and she saw, perhaps a not so good side to you?);  but Marty, these are just two things - pretty heavy duty things I guess, BUT, let's break it down.  Actually I can't really break it down cause I don't really know the extent to how bad things are now.

I'm guessing things are rocky with both wife and work??  Can you possibly expand on these?   But just can I say, good on you for chalking up 2 DOG days - yes, it doesn't sound a lot, but it IS if the drink is something that you do regularly.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[The_Geordie]

Hey Neil,

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.

Heres a brief history of me, Ive always loved a drink always loved being centre of attention etc and used to be able to handle it.  Im not a fighter im just very cheeky and push limits of what I can say, I like to shock in order to get a laugh, some people think Im hillarious some people think im an idiot.

Ive suffered from depression for around 12 years alot of is is guilt based, but alot of the bad decisions I made was through drink (affairs etc).

I moved to Oz to be with my now wife and everything was great for first 18 months, but then the strain of being a step dad, guilt over my two daughters to previous marriage still being in UK, not being allowed to work for Visa restrictions etc set me back, so I went back on medication.

My wife doesnt understand depression and would use it in argument against me "its not me with the mental problem" or "take more tablets etc"

Anyway fast forward to most recent times, I am a very successful salesman and recently won an incentive trip to Las Vegas so I had a lot of sunshine blown up my backside and whenever I go to Head Office in Sydney I get more smoke blown up there get called Legend, Superstar etc...

So in Vegas I woke up with the worst hangover ever, and I started to ask myself why I did this to myself, and I decided it was because I wasnt totally happy at home and changes needed to be made.  So when i arrived home I announced I was giving up the drink but I expected changes here too, I needed respect for being the bread winner...blah blah.

I went without drink until a bucks night, so I came of the waggon, then a week later I had a couple, then last week I drank Wed and Thurs went to head office on Friday we had lunch at 12:30 til 4:00 on the drink, in the office for a wrap then the bar was opened from 4;30 and I was drinking a jug every 5 minutes and I was in a hyper state, in my mind, I was invincible, I am the greatest etc....I was due to fly home that night as I had a wedding to go to on Sat however senior management were convinced I wouldnt get on the flight, so they changed my flight and booked me in a hotel.

In my drunken state that meant more beer time...hurrah...so I flew home at 7am had beers on the flight, my mate came picked me up had a couple more beer then dropped me home at 11:30 for me to go to wedding, I was still drunk but still hyper, so after the ceremony etc it was back on the drink time.

Premium beer with many bottles of wine and still invincible, and this is when I started to tell some of my wife's family what I thought of them, together with a lot of rubbish stories that werent true.

So the outcome is this, I still have a job, I sent the relevant people an email apologising if anyone was offended (no-one was apart from when I took my shirt off), so thats a relief.

However the wife wants a divorce.......which I will do all I can to avoid and save this marriage, so Im going to an AA meeting tomorrow night to help me avoid the binges/benders.  Ive booked in to see my physce and im gonna try a hypnotist (it worked to stop my panic attacks).

I know I can go without drink, when I came back from Vegas i only drank 6 times in 30 days but that included the Thurs,Fri,Sat bender.

Im desperate to keep this together Ive already ruined one marriage and have very rare contact with my daughters as the eldest hates me (fuels depression and need for self medication i.e drink) and I couldnt live without my wife and seeing my 3 year old son grow into a man.

Sorry this is garbled and all over the place but that is where my head is at the moment.

Thanks for listening.

Marty