53 and sad

[MaddieT]

Hi - This is odd to me but I have been commenting on other people's posts and thought it was wrong to not share myself.

2020 was the year from Hell for me. I lost my Aunt who considered me her daughter as we were so alike. I had waited until I was 42 to find my perfect partner but after two years of marriage, he opted out and I still don't know why. I borrowed money so I could live where we were because I loved the area and thought I could get a job there. Was rebuilding my life and working in Victoria and then COVID struck. Everything stopped. I lost my job, all of my social network and still had to go through all of the bits and pieces that come with a divorce without any friends or family. I ended up (after 8 months of lockdowns) having to apply through the government to return to South Australia to be with my family, it took three applications for them to let me go home.

It was all very confronting as I had just turned 50 and was going through menopause (Yay life!).

I haven't healed yet. Still depressed, still very lonely and now mildly agoraphobic and unemployed.

Anyway - that's me

[ecomama]

Oh dear MaddieT, how awful for you - all of it!
Except ofcourse being able to move back home but what an ordeal to get that! 

Dear girl, hugs. Having so many things happen in quick succession is majorly stressful. 

So much I want to respond to, no reason given to your personally for the divorce? OMG talk about being blindsided. Do you want to talk about this more? 

Too much isn't it all. 

How are things going for you now? eg are you reconnecting with old friends? 

What type of work would you like to get in to? 

What things do you like doing? 

I've enjoyed reading your replies to people on the forums, you sound like a very sweet and caring soul.

I'm really glad you joined the forums.
It's nice to meet you, 

Love Ecomama

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome. I saw your name popup on one of the other threads. Cannot remember which. Sorry. 

You mentioned not having healed yet. Sounds like you have some hope still?

I have been a black and white thinker. On or Off. Well or Unwell. So in terms of mental health that can be bad. But compared to where I have been there is a positive. I am better than where I was when I started this journey. I cannot speak for you or others, but I wonder how you compare yourself now to say last  year or 2020.  And there are no wrong answers. And if I am wrong... I will listen to you while here and perhaps to makes sense of some part of it if I can.

I find the people here to be nice and supportive and non judgmental. 

[MaddieT]

Hi Ecomama, thanks for liking my responses. It's nice to know that I might be helpful in some way for others.

Yep - divorce was bad and probably do need to speak with someone about this more.

Nope - none of "our" friends contacted me after he said he was "done" and none of the people I used to know in SA have responded to my attempts to re-establish contact. Life moves on, other people's lives move on. I get that.

As for work - I am looking. I have rheumatoid arthritis so it's difficult. Some days I can walk and others I can't. I have a Degree in Sociology and a Cert IV in Youth Work but employers are understandably reluctant to hire someone who may not be physically able to turn up to work unexpectedly. I would really like to work with teaching young people in Out of Home care about life skills. I have 5 foster kids (now all grown and gone) that came to me from homelessness in their teens. They are all doing really well now and I am extremely proud of them.

It's nice to meet you and have a chat.

Take care Ecomama

[MaddieT]

Hello smallwolf, 

I'm not a black and white thinker at all. I like the grey areas and the nuances.

Yes, I am still not healed and sometimes it doesn't even feel like healing is worth striving for. But those days are less now.

Thank you for making me think about where I am now compared to 2020. I too, am better than I was. You made me list the things I can do now that I couldn't do before and for that I am truly thankful. You have helped me enormously.

Thank you so much for responding to me.

[geoff]

Hello Maddie, thanks for being able share your story with us.

Meeting someone you love and having a relationship is not the same as becoming married, because the the two of you have to live together and make decisions on even the smallest issue, which is different than living apart where you can make your own decision.

Suffering with rheumatoid arthritis puts a heavy strain on your ability to achieve many goals, but if your determination is strong then this will prevail, such as having 5 foster children, well done.

Going though this stage of life must be horrific for you and wonder why it has to be so, but what you have been able to achieve, under the circumstances, you should be proud of yourself and wish you all the very best.

Geoff.

Life Member. 

[Fiatlux]

Hi MaddieT,

Welcome to the Club of the over 50's and Sad. No-one tells you that it may be like this, menopause, divorce etc... I am still getting my head around everything that has happened in the past 3 years. We are all doing the best we can. I am hopeful that healing will come. Give it time. With winter I feel agoraphobic too right now. In Victoria we are not out of it yet. Although we are told that life should be back to pre-pandemic normal, that is not the reality for most. 

It was great that you have shared your story, it resonates with many. Have a great Day!

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry you have been through all of this! Life sure does hand us difficult cards sometimes. I went through a very hard 6 months over 2020/2021 battling a health condition. I am still in this battle but life is considerably better (meaning I am not housebound and living life right now). What I am trying to say, there is no linear timeline to life, everyone has longer and shorter struggles - EVERYONE, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep pushing through xx

Have you spoken to a mental health professional to help with the agoraphobia and navigate these difficult life changes? It can be very beneficial for you. You can start by seeing your GP.

Please come to the forums anytime for support.

I hope things improve,

Jaz xx

[MaddieT]

Hi all, I thank all of you for being so supportive of me. You have encouraged me to seek counselling and support - for both the events that have occurred and my reliance on alcohol as self-medication. VERY happy to report that after three weeks in the pit, I have today; had a shower, washed the dishes and washed my clothes! Major achievements in my world. Next week I will hear about when my first 'real' counselling session will be.

Thank you again for all your support - even though I am sporadic in keeping in touch you all remain in in my thoughts (in the most positive way!)