Worried

[Rainshaddow]

Hi , new to this , don't know what to expect , suffer from anxiety and depression and C-PTSD , live alone out in rural Aus and just wanted to talk , some form of contact ,

[Kitty1991]

Hi Rainshaddow, don’t sweat the delay, it’s cool 🙂. I am sorry you’ve had an anxious week. Wanna tell me about it?
I have returned to work after a fortnight off due to my anxiety and depression. I work a permanent night shift 5pm to 4am, and whilst it’s only night 2 back at work it has not helped my anxiety. Yesterday I had really bad anxiety driving to work, you know the panicked feeling crawling up your chest and throat. Then after work I cried the whole way home, I think I was just overwhelmed and tired. Today I woke up feeling really emotionally unstable (does that make sense?) and everything had the potential to make me cry. Do you ever feel like this? Otherwise Brisbane is in lockdown - I really like lockdown because when I go out for a walk, bike ride or to buy groceries it is so quiet. I guess I am lucky because I get to keep working through the lockdown, it would probably be different if I couldn’t work during a lockdown, you would loose a lot of money. Have you had to have a lockdown for COVID-19 yet? Or are you rural enough to not be too affected?

I hope your doing okay, talk soon 😀👋

[Rainshaddow]

Hi Kitty 😀 , well today got away from me again , I had to get out of the house . Yes I have noticed that being at the shops with another person makes it far easier , it's like a bit of a distraction I think from our own anxious minds , but then it all depends on the day I/we are having I guess , anxiety levels etc . Days when there are less people around at shops are better to navigate through , far easier in smallish country towns , way way harder in big cities and in big shipping malls , I could never do it on weekends , Saturday mornings at the shops for me was just not doable , I have in the past just got overwhelmed and bolted home , I do hope you find the right meds as they really do help level us out , I did feel better when I was on them , I still haven't done the PGx test yet , got the referral for it though , not sure why I haven't done it yet , money perhaps . Night shift sounds good , I used to do perm arvos , 2 pm to 10.30 pm , how do U find night shift and sleep during the day ? Day time noise and sunlight ? I did days arvos and nights on the mines a long time ago and found it hard to sleep during the day after night shifts . 8 out of ten cats rocks ! It's lots of repeats but still a good show and I watch it all the time . Letterkenny is good , mostly , I guess best to watch it from season 1 , get a better feel for what's happening , I had to get used to their accents , Canadian , and how fast they seemed to talk , but once I got my head around that I really enjoyed it .

Yes the job setback has really thrown me , it was a huge letdown and there is a whole story behind that due to where I live and my old mum and my younger brother , families ! Huge horrible story that is .

X-rays came back fine other than usual bone deterioration that we all have as we age , dr says perhaps just a soft tissue issue that should come good . No physio so must just be minor . Yes it's a difficult with the SES and anxiety and being a bit shy too but felt I had to have an outlet to force myself back into society and communicating and mixing with people , we'll see how it goes , and thankyou for your support , it means a lot to me 👍and yeah I didn't think about putting it on my resume but perhaps will now , I see my resume lady tomorrow , Tuesday , will be applying for a heap of jobs too , in process with a large company ATM and at stage 2 in job process , residential in NW WA, 🤞

[Kitty1991]

Hey Rainshaddow I am glad your X-rays came back okay 🙂. Congratulations you got to the 2nd stage of the job process, that’s great to hear. Hopefully it goes well.
I don’t mind night shift. I can sleep alright during the day unless I am anxious the night before. I prefer an arvo shift though. The day noises don’t really bother me and I live on a main road! I guess when I am asleep I am really asleep.

I got my PGx results back. Unfortunately the drug I am currently on is the only one that my body can metabolise. So I have been put the max dose - hopefully it kicks in soon 🤞. I guess that has saved me the hassle of trying other medications and them not working.

I haven’t been able to get in my psychologist for a couple of weeks as she has been sick, but I am meant to see her on Wednesday. Hopefully she has some good tips for me because I really feel I am going backwards, most things can make me cry. I lost it yesterday and broke down crying because I saw a kookaburra. Don’t get me wrong I love animals and kookaburras are cute, but I didn’t think it required a breakdown.

I would definitely put your volunteer work on your resume, it shows commitment and that your dependable and willing to go above and beyond.
Sorry my battery is dying, I will talk more later.

Good luck with the resume lady tomorrow and your job hunting. See ya

[Rainshaddow]

Hi Kitty , that's good news about your PGx test , hopefully the increase in medication will help soon , yes I think yr right it has saved you going off these meds and starting others , good news 👍I would find it difficult to sleep during day and close to busy Rd , you must be very tired and a sound sleeper , hopefully with the increase in yr meds that will fix the crying issue , I too get weepy from time to time so it's normal I think in our situations, I asked my resume lady to put my volly work on and that's now done , applied for 5 or 6 jobs today so wait and see what happens , fingers crossed 🤞 how is your work going ? Have things improved at all ?

[Kitty1991]

Hi Rainshaddow, today is going alright so far actually- so far no breakdown today 😁! I work for Qantas and they have just started stand downs again due to the COVID situation here on the east coast. I am not being stood down yet and I really hope the situation improves because stand downs were hard last year. It is hard for everyone everywhere thou. It makes me really hesitant to ask for a transfer to a new shift with better hours. So a bit up in the air atm. I think I will just stay on my current shift and hope the meds kick in soon. Good luck with your job applications 🤞 do you know when you will hear back from that job you are in stage 2? Did you get up to anything else interesting today? I basically just slept to about midday, made some food, watched some D&D and headed to work. Pretty quiet.

[Rainshaddow]

Hi kitty 👋 so glad to hear that today is going well for you , keep positive kitty , it's easy to say isn't it , can be harder to achieve , I get it . No good that stand downs have started again , I hadn't realised that was occuring again , I don't watch or listen to news as it can really send me down hill , do you find that too ? Sounds like a good plan to stay where your at with your job , it's a job and it's money . Not sure when I will hear back about that stage 2 job , it was a series of multiple choice online questions to be done in 30 min , more a psychological test I think , asking what would you do in certain circumstances , hope I did ok , it could take days or weeks to hear back , 🤞I didn't do much today after applying for those 5 or 6 jobs , had a mug of tea and a fresh fruit scone with butter n jam in a coffee shop and watched the world go by , went to the town library and read and did a crossword , drove back out home , had a bit of food , got cleaned up n warm clothes , watched 2 episodes of walking Britain's lost railways and 2 episodes of 8 out of ten cats , you said you watched some D &D , what is D&D ?

[Rainshaddow]

I actually had a bit of an anxiety attack while I was in the library this arvo , not sure why , it just hit me all of a sudden , I was doing a crossword , really weird eh , I went outside and text my mate about what was happening , he lives in Qld actually , he rang me and talked for a bit , it helped calm me , he put things into perspective which I seem to lose track of , also I can never remember how to spell lose or loose , I think loose means needs to be tightened up , rambling again 🙄 real cold here , 2 beanies and 2 pair of socks for sleeping again tonight , my ears n feet get so cold 🥶 oh I got a audio book from the library on anxiety , it's ok , made in the USA , I listen to it in the car driving to and from town , 25 ish minute drive each way , it has helped me identify some interesting things with my anxiety . Hang in there kitty , things must get better 🙋

[Kitty1991]

Ohhh scones with butter and jam sound lovely! D&D is dungeons and dragons, an old role playing game that now professional voice actors play. Never was in to it when I was a kid, but now that I’m older I like to watch people play (so much more creative then me). It’s not for everyone, but I like it. I watch a channel called critical role on YouTube. Don’t know if that is your think, check it out if you like.
hey it sucks that you had an anxiety attack in the library. Do you know what set you off? I can never do a crossword, I absolutely suck at words, spelling and pronunciation. I am more a sudoku person.

Have you had anymore anxiety attacks since the other day?
sorry for the late response, struggling a bit with motivation atm. I decided to try a new hobby and I’m trying to knit a scarf this weekend. Don’t know why? I am the sort of person who has a million projects going at one time but never finishes them. So 8 will see if my scarf works 🤷🏼‍♀️
Talk soon Rainshaddow bye

[Kitty1991]

Hey Rainshaddow what is the name of the audio book your listening to on anxiety? I might check it out

[Rainshaddow]

Hi Kitty , audio book is called everything isn't terrible by Dr Kathleen Smith , I got my copy from local library , 3 week loan time . Yes I do recall dungeons and dragons , never played it though , I don't really YouTube or do much internet stuff as I don't get much download stuff on my phone , 3 GB or mb per $30 recharge , I can't remember exactly , it doesn't last long , Telstra just told me they have changed my prepaid to $30 for ten gig I think but I can't figure out how it works , too technical for me 🤔 in hindsight i think my anxiety attack at library may have been due to an email job knock back , it's worrying me a lot getting a job , I am mostly anxious all the time , the severity just changes , it's worse when I am tired or alone or when there are no people around , hence why I go to town often just so as I can see and hear people and be around people , I think it makes me feel a bit calmer , a bit like closer to the other humans 🤔I it's very isolated out where I live .

Had a job and quit due to a real weirdo that was training me , he said some really bizarre stuff to me and kept staring at me so I just walked away , don't want that sort of stuff at work . No need for sorry for late reply , all good and no pressure . I just do the really easy crossword in Tuesdays West Australian and Sundays Sunday Times, they are easy enough , I can't do criptics or sudoku , way too hard for me 🧐 I guess i have not really tried either in earnest , looked at them and my mind just went blank .I have stops and starts with motivation too , I have O.C.D , nothing bad , just a clean freak , house , car , myself etc , I clean when I am anxious , or just stress right out if I can't clean , I can only do 1 or 2 things at once or my brain just stops , if 2 people talk to me at once I just can't process any of it .

Had my second covid Pfizer needle yesterday , arm only minimay sore , knitting as a hobby sound fine as it's a good mind distraction from anxiety , am sure the scarf will turn out great , until next time👋👍