Work and life - shrouded by anxiety

[Anxietyandme]

Hello everyone.

This is my first time posting - feeling particularly emotional, tired and raw at the moment, so thought it a good time to post.

Some background about me - I'm 28, and have suffered from depression and anxiety for the majority of my life. I experienced some childhood trauma which left me depressed in my adolescence and early twenties. Anxiety was intermittent during these times, and came in full blown after 24 I'd say.

I would describe myself as being a high functioning anxious person, and I managed it fairly well up until I was 26. I began full-time work after graduating at 25, and fairly quickly was promoted and secured several new roles at the same company. I moved into one role that I really liked, however my Manager at the time did not fully understand the nature of my anxiety, or had any empathy or consideration for that matter, which became evident after a few instances at work. This role was temporary, and when I interviewed to be in the role permanently, despite being in the role for over a year, having my contract extended twice, and having great feedback, I did not get the role. Through the 'grapevine' afterwards (totally in breach of Staff code of conduct) I found out it was due to me taking too much leave (mind you, it was within the amount I was entitled to as a full-time staff member). I was devastated. I left the company shortly after.

Fast forward now, having moved into a new role where I am in a management position, and I feel like an anxious wreck. There is so much stigma around taking a 'mental health day' for me, in my head. My new role is highly stressful, and I am overwhelmed. I am already burnt out, and just feel as though I am hopeless. I desperately worry I am about to 'lose it' everyday. I feel dread about going to work, and I don't think I am capable in the role. I have received no feedback to the contrary, however, anxious minds breed deceit, don't they? I constantly worry about what my staff think of me, and if they think I am useful. I just feel I have been absolutely ruined by my last experience at my old company. It plays in my mind constantly, and I feel so much pressure to perform at my new role. Add to this - my new role is not permanent, and I was given a week of training and then left to my own devices essentially. I panic every day about going to work.

If anything, I needed to just vent all this. However, if any of you have have experienced anything similar, or are struggling at work. Please post.

[nevergiveup245]

I am in my early twenties and struggle with anxiety everyday. I volunteer at a place where i was only given 4 days training to do a support role. At first i worry constantly, but after persisting for about 6 months or so, i gradually accepted that some days I will feel confident, some days I will have doubts about myself. Given it’s a volunteer role, there was less pressure, but I get what you mean when you say you worry what others will think.. sometimes it can be good to try to ask for feedback if possible, i found that sometimes what my mind creates for me is not what others think of me. others have given me positive feedback when I did horribly.

another way to think of it is that you are obviously capable for your role if not you wouldnt be given it. I haven’t been able to work because of my mental health (still just studying). so you are great in managing work thus far... Hope that helps a little

[MsPurple]

Hi Anxietyandme and welcome to the forums.

Before me chiming in I thought I'd put a link to a beyond blue video on anxiety. It sounds like it relates to you. It will help you feel less alone (especially if they made a video on it). copy and paste the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjxhqd5QJBU

I know it can be intimidating starting a new job and having a bad experience with people commenting on your amount of sick days (even if within the ok limits according to australian law). As much as the stigma around mental health is getting less, however it is still there and can be in the work place. If you are needing a stress day maybe just tell them you are unwell. When getting a medical certificate the doctor doesn't have to specify what you are unwell with (for all my medical certificates they have never said what I am unwell with). If you are needing time off work, I suggest talking to your GP about this if you are not wanting to discuss your stress with your employer.

I think what nevergiveup was really helpful. Maybe ask for a performance review or just for a chat on your progress. You can discuss your concerns etc. I have had this with my boss even though I don't have concerns, however she knows I am passionate and wanting to do extra stuff, so we have meetings around this. Like the video meetings aren't always bad, they can actually be positive.

Hope this is helpful. I know how hard it is knowing you need to have a stress day but being concerned around getting one

[Me__myself_and_my_unrelen]

Firstly, hooray for a new job!
Secondly, the best advice my psychologist ever gave me were seven simple words

You're stronger than you think you are.

Whenever that little voice starts freaking out and throwing doubt on your abilities, I try to talk to it. I know it sounds like nonsense but stating to that part of your mind "chill, I got this. I've been in similar situations before and they all worked out fine." Then break things down into little achievements. Don't panic about getting Debbie to like you, right now you're highlighting documents and you'll win her over in 20 minutes. Dan doesn't even remember that awkward dance move you tried yesterday just nod and smile a hello and all will be fine.

I totally understand that your anxiety is making you doubt yourself, but do you really think that you would have been employed in a management position if the company didn't like you? Companies don't employ people out of the niceness of their heart, they employ people because are a good fit for the role they are in, which in turn means that you are a good fit for the role you are in!

If you're looking for actual solid guidance, I agree with MsPurple and their suggestion on asking for a Performance Development Review. They are a fantastic way to form career goals and align your work with the ethos of the environment.

Good luck!