Work and anxiety

[kitykate]

Hi all,

This is my first time posting and I'm not really sure where to even begin but I'll give it a try.

I have recently taken on a full-time job and whilst I went well for a few weeks I am now at the familiar point where I cannot even push myself to leave the house anymore.
I had a really difficult coaching session with a manager who humiliated me and made me feel awful about my performance at work, whilst I appreciate her feedback the way she delivered it was quite a shock and it's like a switch in my brain flicked, I started having panic attacks about going to work and the sinking feeling of checking my schedule and seeing I had coaching.

I brought this up with another team leader and mentioned I have a lot of problems with anxiety and depression and really felt like I needed some support from work as I felt I was going down a slippery slope. They acknowledged I had mental health issues and brushed over it, giving me a breathe technique print out and thinking the problem was solved, I tried to push for more support but nothing has come from it.

I feel very unsupported at my job and when I need help finding the answer to a customers question I'm met with belittlement, this makes me feel unconfident in my job and I end up going home over the weekends not wanting to come back stressing the entire time.

This has caused me to have a lot of time off work, I know that sometimes pushing yourself to be in these uncomfortable situations is beneficial to combating anxiety problems but I can't force myself to do it anymore.

I have considered looking for other jobs as there is no way I can afford to not have a job at the moment, I'm just worried that with a future job the same thing will happen, I know I need to get over it but it's so hard.

I am currently in a very stressful home situation as well, when I confided in my parent who I still live with that I was having trouble going to work and feeling my anxiety coming back very strongly, I was told "I don't have time for this anymore, you're an adult, grow up" which was upsetting, if I could just be ok and go to work I would but they don't seem to understand this, my anxiety makes it very hard to leave the house when it's at it's worst.

I don't know what the resolve is that I'm looking for, it's nice to be able to just write what's happening out, I don't think I will last long at this job but if anyone has found something helpful please let me know.

[LesDave]

It can really suck and nobody understands unless they suffer. I WOULD NOT make it public knowledge at work however. Work is a gossip paradise. Have you read the tips at the start of the anxiety forum? They really work. I am suffering a great deal at work at the moment. You try to stay calm but when those chemicals release it becomes madness. I suggest you look forward to each day and developing a plan for dealing with each situation. If you can analyse how you dealt with a situation you can actually improve as you test yourself.

[Croix]

Dear Kitykate~

I'm not going to try to talk about all your problems, things like parents who do not get it is a separate topic.

What I would like to talk about is that worry that even if you leave this job history will repeat itself and you will have similar difficulties there too -I've been there.

Well I doubt it will happen. This particular job sounds horrible, maybe it is a call center or similar -I'm guessing, however it sounds like customer interaction, and for the you need training and a familiarity with the whole set-up. Training is not just a few lectures at the start of a job, it is an ongoing thing, where doing things right is praised, and making mistakes is treated gently in a positive manner.

From the sound of it you have been thrown in the deep end and blamed because you struggle - any one would under those circumstances.

Blame is a self-fulfilling prophecy, the more blame the less confidence, the more stress, the more reluctance and mistakes.

While you may well have an anxiety condition, you don't really say, I'm certain it is this particular job that is the problem. Under a supportive environment it could be very different.

There are good jobs, I've been luck that way, where my mental heal health been taken into account and I've been treated well. If you think about it you started out OK with this one, right up until the time the unfriendly blame started, and while you were proactive in seeking help, nothing important happened as a result -more like just lip-service to mental health conditions.

Can I suggest a couple of thngs? First don't be discouraged, look for another job while hanging on to this one as best you can, and go see your GP and explain what has been happening. Use a long appointment and ask to be tested for anxiety, see what happens. I simply got worse until I had proper medical support.

In the meantime try to look after yourself, by this I mean firstly a lifestyle that is as healthy as possible, exercise, nutrition and adequate sleep. Add by doing something each day as a reward, something to look forward to. I don't know what you like, exercise? Books and movies? Talking to friends? What sort of things would you think?

LesDave is right, there is a lot of information on anxiety and what to do here, have look at

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

It's long, but has an awful lot I have found useful.

As for your parents, is there anyone, other family or a freind, to lend you support and care?

Croix

[kitykate]

Thanks for replying,

You're definitely right I do work in a call center and I took your advice.

I have started to apply for heaps of other jobs praying that something will come through as to be quite honest I really can't afford to not have some kind of income, I spoke to my GP aswell and she wants to set up regular appointments to see how she can help me from here.

I'm due to go back to work tomorrow and face the music for having a week off, I had my manager call during this time and interrogate me on if I had antibiotics (I told them I was unwell) and if so, what type I was on, which I felt extremely uncomfortable about.

Honestly I feel that my heart has made up the decision to want to leave, I so desperately want to leave, this situation makes me so upset each night I just sit up stressing and worrying with that sinking feeling.

I let my Mum know I was going to leave and she blew up at me, basically constantly harassing me with text messages how I need to stay there and she's sick of it and angry that I can't just go, this puts me in a really difficult position.

[Croix]

Dear Kitykate~

I know you can see the immediate problems, your employment and your mother, however I can see a more longer lasting hope. that you realise it is not you, it is a job and you mother's lack of understanding.

The center is designed to go though people without due regard for their welfare - based on the comfortable knowledge there is a supply of people who will try to work them for work. Your manager has no right to interrogate you over illness, a medical certificate stating 'a medical condition' is all they are entitled too.

I'm very glad you are trying for other jobs. It is a pretty horrible process however something will turn up in time. You might consider a bit of volunteering if you do in fact leave, that can be rewarding, pleasant and sometimes leads further.

Also going to your GP, and having what sounds like an understanding response.

You mother sounds a problem, and I'm wondering why she has such a lack of understanding, do you have any idea? Is she for example worried about making ends meet, or is it a more general feeling that offspring "should" work?

Is there anyone to speak with her, after all she is basically harming you by adding to your anxiety. Can you see any way out of that?

Croix

[kitykate]

Hi again,

Thank you for replying once again, I hope I'm not bothering you by keeping this thread going but I appreciate the advice.

I have applied again for a lot of jobs and am pleased to say I have a video interview for one in the coming few days, I'm really hoping it leads to another job so I can stop this stress and just move on quickly.

I had my manager call again as I didn't end up showing up on Tuesday, she once again harassed me and grilled me over if I had antibiotics, how long they were for, asking for very personal information around being sick etc. and telling me off for not having more medical certificates when I explained to her I could not afford to go more than two visits a week as my practice does not bulk bill and didn't want to see a different doctor to have to explain my situation again.

My Mum is ultimately stressed that she will have to take over my debt, which I understand why she would be stressed thinking I would make her do that. I have worked out how much monthly I will need to have to pay off my bills before another job and with my tax return I can comfortably wait 6 months for work if I'm tight with money.

I've explained it over and over and she just doesn't seem to be ok with me leaving and it's creating more stress and anxiety each day, I honestly feel as if she hates me as won't speak to me when she gets home from work, tells me I need to cut the bull and just go, when I explain I can't even think about going back into the center unsupported and the anxiety I feel when I'm in a time crunch situation on the phones with no help not knowing what to do as a customer gets angry, she compares her own struggles and tells me hers are worse.

I feel awful for stressing her out with work as it's happened before where I left a job quite quickly due to anxiety, I try to push myself to go in and just do the job and put my feelings aside but I break down each morning getting ready, I even started having panic attacks as I put my work clothes in the wash for my return to work, I honestly feel quite pathetic and embarrassed admitting that but I just can't seem to be ok with going back.

She also keeps threatening to see my doctor and tell her off because "she doesn't understand you need to work, I'm going to tell her whats what!" which I know my Dr could never disclose anything to her anyway but it's such an unnecessary stress.

On top of having stress with work my family is hostile to me, it's just not a good situation.

[Croix]

Dear Kitykate~

Having a thread is no bother at all, that is why this whole place exists. If you can find a little help here -great!

Making a broad generalization, call center managers are not renowned for being understanding and putting staff welfare at the top of the list, badgering you is simply counterproductive, intrusive and makes you feel undeservedly bad.

You sound as if you have worked out your finances to the best of your ability -what else is there? You can only do your best.

While I can understand your mother worrying over debt taking it out on you is simply counterproductive too, you are going to be under even more stress and cope less well as a result.

By all means let her go to your doctor if you think the doctor will stand up for you and talk straight with her. Perhaps you should discuss the possibility wiht him or her? For Your mother to see a doctor for herself and stress management would be a better idea really, she sounds as if she needs it.

The fact you have something stirring on the new job front is encouraging, the fact you got to the interview stage is great.

Please let us know how you go

Croix