Why me????? I hate OCD!!!

keeping_positive · ‎07-06-2016

I have contamination OCD.... I just feel like the last 5 months have been one big blur. I am constantly stressed, I honestly cant think of a time Im not stressed, even asleep its taking over. Today was a bad day, coming out from school drop off and there was wet, fresh blood on the path I dont know if I walked in it but in my mind I have somehow because others may have therefore its everywhere including on my shoes. I was supposed to be going to my first yoga type class but I just couldnt as the fear of it being on me I just needed to go home and shower and clean everything. Whats worse though is I couldnt clean it I just couldnt go near it so my partner had to, which he does but truly HATES doing it. He believes I should and I get that but I was already in a state of panic I just couldnt face it. What is the "normal"way to handle this??? I just feel like Ive lost all sense of reality and what is a "normal"way to react. I mean it was blood, near a school, near my children!!! I try and think what I wouldve done prior to OCD being so in my face but I dont know because I probably wouldnt have seen it and if I did just walked around it. How do I stop this, Im exhausted, my marriage is falling apart Im just leeting everyone down, including myself.

keeping_positive · ‎03-10-2016

Hi ci

How are going? Have you had any more apps with the drs? Or anymore results back? I've had 2 visits and needto book back in again once i complete an at home bioscreen then they will go through those results with me once they get them back. I felt extreme positivity from my first visit but not so much after the 2nd mainly as my results threw a curve ball at them and were the opposite to what they were expecting... But Im trying to keep positive because that is all you can do and it just means approaching it differently. Im pleased to say I've started a new job which im so proud of me for as it means really being out and about more, thankfully it's only 1 day a week but that is a lot when you have little ones and add anxiety and ocd to it.. Had a BAD day yesterday and feeling the after effects still today but rest day today to help lift myself back up again.

ci · ‎04-10-2016

Hi keeping positive

I've not been back toget my results was ment to go back couple of weeks ago but couldn't get there as the kids where on school holidays so my app latter this week to get all my results. Hopefully gives some answers but I'm not as positive as I was at the moment unfortunately had some stressful stuff happening and you know how ocd loves stress.

I'm sorry you have had bad day the other day I know how hard that is and how awful the days following can be be kind to yourself.

New job that's huge I think you will see a benefit from it I know being out and pushing myself helps. Sounds like things are going well for you. I did have a conversation with my husband last night that I think things have improved for me he seen a difference just not feeling it today bad day for me today I think.

ci · ‎10-10-2016

Hi keeping positive

So I got my results last week main thing was pyrols disorder positive, has your doc tested you for this? Just starting to learn about it never heard of before. Apparently it's common for people with ocd and other mental health issues.

keeping_positive · ‎05-11-2016

Hi ci

That must feel good to have some answers. Yes I've hears

keeping_positive · ‎05-11-2016

Hi ci

That must feel good to have some answers. Yes I've heard of it but i dont think she tested for it, well i couldnt see it in the results, but they aren't always easy to interpret. Might need to ask her about it. Have they given you a treatment plan? My results showed im over methylated which is the opposite to nearly every ocd sufferer, they are usually undermethylated. Im on zinc as my levels were low and my copper high and on an amino acid called NAC. still waiting to go back to get my bioscreen results but they take atleast 4 weeks. I am definitely going to ask about pyroles though. Hope you are feeling positive and the good days outweigh the bad. 😊

geoff · ‎06-11-2016

hi Ci, I haven't heard of 'pyrols disorder' even though I have OCD, but I have read up on what it is and can do to someone, which I can definitely relate to. Geoff.

ci · ‎08-11-2016

I've hit a bump in the rd and trying hard to get back on track but the supplement given for pyrols seems to help will take a while though the test that was taken for the methylated thing has been mucked up twice so don't have any results for that have to have bloods taken again for the third time😠. the pyrol test was a urine test if that's help you know if you been tested. Hope things been positive for you!

keeping_positive · ‎02-12-2016

Hey ci

How are you going with everything now? Have the supplements started helping and putting things back into balance a little? I had a urine sample taken but only says it was checking my iodine levels. I have my follow up for my bio screen in a few weeks so fx I can get some more answers although sometimes I feel I walk away with more questions than answers. I think I will write down all the things I need to ask.. Oh im sorry to hear about that with the blood tests hopefully 3rd time lucky.. I too am in a really bad way my compulsions are taking over again and my marriage might aswell be over, I am always anxious now and my fear and panic thoughts consume me.. so overwhelmed by it all I just want to be the care free person I used to be but feel like shes never coming back...

ci · ‎05-12-2016

Hi keeping positive I'm so sorry to hear you having hard time got bit emotional reading the last part of your post I know exactly how you feel! it's like grieving for someone that you have lost that old self that I to miss so much and I'm sure my husband and kids do as well. so much guilt over it for me. I hope today gp a better day know you are not alone if that helps at all.

I'm not doing well with the supplements I stopped taking them im having some health issues at the moment and took myself off everything to try and work out what's happening with me. Probably didn't need to but been really sick so I just sort that out and start again. just so hard to get in to see specialist its crazy.

Can you get any time out alone with your husband just relax and try to help things believe me I know how hard it can be. I thought my marriage was falling apart because of my ocd a while back. I just opened up and talked as much as I could when I could hard because no one watches our kids so lots of late nights even Sat up together watching ocd documentaries helped so much for us.

I really hope things are getting better. remember you can always vent on here I'm happy to listen I totally understand where you coming from and it's so hard to find that when you have ocd

keeping_positive · ‎17-12-2016

Hi,

I hope you are feeling better and getting on top of your health.

I was feeling a little better with in myself but today not so much. I could feel a panic attack coming on which I haven't had in a long time and tried to talk it through with my husband but he just gets frustrated and angry which them escalates the problem. So I got in the car and drove off..

I try talking with him, one thing Im great at is talking but he shows no compassion or understanding pretty much everytime it ends up in an arguement. Im at that point where I don't even know why I married him. He says he cares but they are just empty words if the actions that follow are ones of anger and frustration. I understand its frustrating but he never shows any interest in understanding/learning ocd no matter how hard I try. His words were I just thought you would get over it yourself... Im probably painting the picture of a truly horrible man, hes not but compassion and empathy are not his strong points and he is under a huge amount of stress from his work and then add ocd into the mix this past 12 months have been crap. So the compassion he did have has worn very thin. Also I have always been the strong one but because i just cant find that in me at the moment everything crumbles as ive always held us together or picked us up..

Oh the guilt i know what you mean it eats at me everyday especially when theres things the kids miss out on because I just can't cope or think I wont so I avoid it. Then the guilt takes over that Im a horrible mum and wife letting everyone down all because of ocd. Its just so hard and exhausting because it comes in waves, ocd is always there now and the what ifs seem to have taken over instead of just when something happens..

Sorry for the long post I really just needed to talk but I can honestly say I dont have anyone to talk to anymore, so thank you.

I hope you doing ok.