not sure if this is anxiety

[ekatakekatakekat]

im never quite sure whats a symptom of my supposed mentall illness', and whats just my personality, so i dont know if i am reading too much into this, or if its anxiety. pls dont judge me because i think this is just as dumb as u will after reading it:

i had to buy a pillow the other week, all i needed was one pillow, but i wanted a good comfy one. i went to a bedding store to get one, and there were hundreds of options, almost right away i started freaking out it got progressively worse as i couldnt plan a way to make sure i saw every single one and it got to a point where i started crying & left the store.

a similar thing happened when i went to ikea for the first time (a combination of the too many choices thing im talking about and the one way thing ikea do leading me underground to where i thought id suffocate and be trapped or get lost forever made me have a full on panic attack in public which had never happened. just a fun anecdote for u) and also today at sephora for the first time. i was so stressed i wouldnt see it all and id get something that wouldnt be the right one & it would be so incredibly bad for my life

i have a $15 prepaid, but never got a "proper" phone for 2 years only bc im too afraid to pick one in case it's the wrong one and it somehow greatly impacts my life; granted i also dont have the motivating factor of needing a phone, because no one calls me, but still

another thing, if i decide "oh, id like to go to savers (second hand chain) sometime soon" i have to go the next day, or i cant get it out of my head that someone will take something that i need and i will miss out forever

i got a collectable doll thing as a gift. i didnt care about it, it sat in the present bag for years. i had forgotten i had the thing, untill i was looking for things to sell bc i needed money. as soon as i sent it away, i cried. even still now, not because i liked it but because i dont have it anymore and its mine and i need it.

i steal stuff i would never buy, because i think i wont have it when i really need it

so this all sounds stupid when i read it, and trivial, but im also like kinda worried about it because it does impact me a lot. like it shouldnt, but it gets in the way of doing normal things like buying shit i need or just not being stressed out about shit for one second of my life

so im not even sure if all this is something psychoanalysable (pretend thats a word) or if its just a normal range of a weird thing, if u know what i mean.

[Croix]

Dear ekatakekatakekat
Yes I know I’m 20++++, but I’ve read all your posts I can find and I’m trying to listen – not put up pre-conceived ideas. If I’m wrong about anything please be understanding with me – I’m the one making mistakes and may well need guidance, just let me know

From what you’ve said you’re a young lady around 19 years of age, have a very shaky relationship with your parents, have made a start at unit and frequently find yourself without a place to stay

Ok so far?

You’ve visited headspace, maybe a GP or other medical professional, possibly the Emergency Services. You suspect / know you have depression & anxiety problems. You also haven’t been happy for so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like

But you are also a kind enough person to give support on this bb website to at least one other

Alright?

Firstly like just about everyone else here, I am not a medical professional – I’m just another schmuck who has had mental injury and illness – including chronic anxiety

Secondly I would imagine when home & parents seem alien or may disappear that ‘things’ can assume a greater importance than normal, the doll not being there – it was a bit of the stable past and has gone

You want to get it right (make the prefect choice) so when faced with a multitude of choices (a zillion pillows, each with its own merits) , a million phones (each with this feature or that, ) you have a melt down

Actually no one can make the proper choice – It’s a lot of pot luck in many cases. I had to buy a set of second-hand wheels because mine gave up. I bought something like my son had because he’d had a great run out of it – there was no way I could judge what was really best

It’s common - look how many here have been unable to choose an avatar

You have friends here, Dottie123 & romantic_thi3f being a couple of the best - we are always here for you
Not all the advice can fit your situation exactly, as many have said you are an in-between age

A few of things stand out:

You need a place to stay / home that does not disappear on you – I don’t know if that means trying to accommodate parents who do not see things as you do, or something else

You do need professional mental assistance, preferably a psychologist or psychiatrist that knows his / her way around – have there been any suggestions in your past posts that could be a starting point to that path

You need to ensure medical personnel listen – perhaps anticipate their questions in a list

My best wishes

Croix

[Croix]

at unit and should be at uni and

Sorry - C

[Verita]

Hi ekatakekatakekat,

The best thing would be to find a counselor as it sounds like its causing you distress, it sounds like your obsessing over things a bit and experiencing some anxiety. Don't worry so much about the label , a counselor may help you sit back from your worries a bit to put it into perspective for you and work you through your issues. There are counselors out there that only make you pay for what you can afford too depending on your location you could look up any in your area and see what they offer.

[Starwolf]

Hi EKT,

Kudos to you for acknowledging there is a problem. It takes courage. No matter what label is stuck on it, it is making you feel miserable. This is what matters and needs your full attention.

Struggling alone with this is unnecessary. If it hasn't already been done, I suggest you book a GP appointment, share your thoughts and concerns openly and honestly. You may need medication to help you stay functional under pressure. You may need referral to a counselor/therapist to help you figure what causes the trouble. With professional help and support, there is no reason why you couldn't reclaim some control and the peace of mind which is your birthright. Whatever lies at the root of those anxious feelings (and the stress that goes with them), the mind is too complicated a maze to negotiate without a guide.

Please take good care of yourself and make sure your concerns are heard.

Kindest thoughts.