Why am I like this...?

[JustSomeGirl]

I have social and general anxiety disorder (which like with many people, leads to depression) and have been struggling through the last year. I can't seem to be able to escape the discouraging thoughts inside my head and just want it all to stop. I've become afraid of my own thoughts, and with it, a lot of other things.

I'm 14 years old. I don't know anyone else my age who seems to be like me. Which is good, no one should feel like this but at the same time, I feel alone. Despite my many attempts to describe anxiety and depression to my friends, they just don't seem to understand. They think it's something that just goes away after a while. I've been like this for years, however my family and I only recognized it recently, when I had already had two full on anxiety attacks and we decided to talk to a doctor, where they told me I did have anxiety and depression.

I am on medication and I see a therapist but sometimes I feel like it's all for nothing. My brain keeps telling me I'm never going to escape these things inside my head and that'll I'm a failure to my friends. I don't want to let people down, they just tell me to calm down and move past it. I don't think they know how it feels to be suffocated by their own skin though. I'm terrified of being abandoned by them... I guess, the thought of being left alone in such a world, scares me. I'm afraid that because of how I am - I constantly choose to stay home then go out and the fact that I never want to do stuff exciting - that my friends will all leave me.

I don't want to be like this. Why is it that I'm struggling through life when everyone else seems fine? I guess what I would like is some thoughts from other people like me. What should I be doing to help keep this all under control? Will I ever be... Normal?

I know this all probably sounds really stupid coming from a 14-year-old but please - if you can - help me, or at least talk to me. I'd like some more friends and it'll be greatly appreciated. I'm just... Struggling. I'm a little sick of these continuous panic attacks too.

Thank you for reading and/or helping

-JustSomeGirl

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi JustSomeGirl,

Thanks for writing in and I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. Please know that what you are going through is absolutely not stupid! I'm in my twenties now but I sometimes feel like I've had anxiety and depression since I was 3 years old haha. I genuinely remember having it when I was in early primary school when nobody else did. So you are not alone and I feel you!

I guess I get this feeling from your post that it feels very lonely going through this; even though you're seeing a therapist (which is awesome) it doesn't feel like it's helping, and your friends don't understand either.

I hope that if anything these forums can make you feel a little less alone and know that there's no real 'normal' here! All of us in the forums I think are making our own kind of normal, even if it's a little different to how we want or think it should look.

Can you tell us what's happening with the therapist? What is it that you guys talk about? I saw on another post about panic attacks that you were using breathing apps - that was such good advice by the way! So I can see that you're already using so much support trying to feel better.

Hm.. so without knowing what you're talking about with your therapist I don't really want to 'double up' or echo that advice, but I think the biggest things you can do are: be kind to yourself. This isn't your fault. It's no wonder that you've been dealing with this for years since you haven't talked to a doctor. This makes me think that things will start to change pretty soon! The other thing that might help is to try and treat yourself like you would a friend - this can be the hardest thing in the world. If your friend told you that she was letting you down, what might you say? If your friend told you that she was afraid you'd leave her because of her depression and anxiety, how might you react? Try to be aware of some of the things that you're saying to yourself; you do not need to beat yourself up.

Hope this helps! 🙂

[Mitch112]

Hi 😊

Dont be ashamed of your illness. You are I'm sure a great person and the fact you're reaching trying to get help being a younger person is very inspiring.

It can be so hard being 14 and alone. I used to sit in my room and play ps3 games to escape.

But know you're not alone.

Here if you need to talk.

Mitch

[IsaJett]

Hi Just some girl

Glad you posted and that voice in your head...is really just that...a voice in your head. The inner voice. Unfortunately it can sometimes wreck havoc in there. But don't be discouraged as there is help and lots of things you can do to cope with it. Speaking from my own experience, the voice can either act as your worst enemy or your best friend. You actually are in control....believe it or not.

I know when I was told that...Im like...what????? Don't be scared to talk about it with family and friends ...you be surprise how many people have same problems .

Just acknowledge what the inner voice is saying ...and maybe note it in a "thought " journal...however long or short you want it to be. and hopefully the thought dissipates.

I have tried to just shut it down mentally...but that never works. generally I need to write it down.

I hope this post helps you .And because you are young ...its awesome because you will learn ways to cope on this forum and can use these useful tools for life.

Stay Positive and keep smiling

Stay in Touch

[JustSomeGirl]

Hi all, me again!

Lately I've been having terrible repetitive nightmares about people dying brutally and other shockingly gruesome and terrifying things. They all scare me and I'm having difficulty sleeping at night both in general and because of the nightmares. I have a feeling it may be my anxiety as I don't consider myself a violent of traumatized person but another part of me is think it might just be something in the back of my mind relating movies or books.


One of the worst ones I've had was about some sort of demon that was haunting the young man. As long as the demon wasn't taunted or stared at he didn't do anything. If the demon does attack the only way to survive is to hide yourself, hold your breath and hope that you aren't found. The young man I see in these dreams is completely unknown to me. I don't know who he is, why he is being haunted or why he appears in these nightmares. The rest of the dream plays out with his friends coming to his place coincidentally when the demon is there. The man has two friends. A you women and another man. The man freaks out by the fact this thing is in his friends place and pulls out a weapon using it to attack people. 

Since the main guy knows what to do, he throws himself onto the floor and pulls a blanket over him to hide. In the dream all i can hear now is screaming,

crying and violent gusts of wind etc. Suddenly, everything foes quiet and the main man uncovers himself to find both of his friends lying on the floor, brutally slaughtered by the demon.
The demon never comes back after that and the man finds himself having to live out the rest of his life knowing he could not save his friends and that they're now gone. The man lives through the rest of his life with

severe PTSD, depression and anxiety.
I don't have PTSD.

I struggle with anxiety and depression but can't see any clear reason to why i keep having these dreams.
Does anyone else have things like this?

Is there anything I can do to stop them?

Why am I having them?

I'm really struggling at school due to sleep depravity and I'm always tired.
Please help me if possible!
Thanks in advance

- JustSomeGirl