Severe health anxiety!!

[Pepsicola]

I don’t even know where to start. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for 16yrs. Have just had a baby 9mths ago (went of my meds before falling pregnant and haven’t been back on) and since then, my mental health has spiraled out of control AND on top of all of that I have now developed health anxiety and it is so extreme right now 😞 it has completely consumed my life. I have had a few episodes of vertigo in 3mths which is likely to be BPPV. Harmless and fixable! However, I have googled and joined vertigo groups and have convinced myself I have a brain tumour or cancer. The thing is, I have seen multiple drs (all said BPPV) and blood test (everything perfect) etc but I was still not convinced!! Grrr. I then went to ONE last dr to “ease my mind” so to speak and she requested specialist tests and MRI. This has thrown me into an absolute puddle of fear. WHAT IF THEY FIND SOMETHING. So I’ve decided NOT to do the tests because as crazy as it sounds, I don’t actually want a diagnosis. I’m too scared!! I would rather NOT know. Please tell me someone else has gone through these thoughts and feelings!?!? What do I do 😞 I’m booked in to see my dr to get back on my meds and start psychology. I just want this worry and obsessive thoughts to stop. I want to stop feeling like I’m doomed and I’m going to die. I’m exhausted, confused, panicky and utterly drained.

[blondguy]

Hi Jess

Paul back again 🙂 Maybe we can stick with your original post where the bulk of replies will be directed

It just avoids confusion and doubling up when we are trying to offer support if thats okay

My kind thoughts

Paul

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue.

Being a male I can only comment on the MRI part... Earlier this year I had PSA blood tests. Because of the score I got, and family history I was referred to a urologist. Fine. A quick check. But to be sure, an MRI was also scheduled. Getting the scan was the easy part. Even the initial waiting was ok. It was only when I found out they had the results that those what if questions started. They didn't stop until the urologist said all clear.

There are a few ways to look at this... You could get an MRI and nothing shows up.

If the MRI showed something, then armed with that knowledge can then take the appropriate action.

If you don't have the MRI, would you wonder about it just as much? That is something only you can answer.

Not sure how much you relied on Google, but if I self diagnosed I would have a personality disorder. And I told my Psych about this. And I was told... Yeah. Don't rely on Google. You can find what you want there.

I cannot tell you what action to take. But I hope the above questions might help you make a decision.

[stroppytom]

Oh Pepsicola, I know PRECISELY how you feel. I have an extreme form of "cancer phobia" and, like you, I get really worked up about medical scans and tests with all the "what if?" emotions flying through your head. I watched both parents die of cancer and it was a horrible roller coaster of emotions and grief. It really did something to my head and the way I think...so I know where you are coming from.

I now do what my very good GP says... If you have a scan and it shows you are "clean" then its something to rejoice about. If you have a scan and they find something then you have keep telling yourself, "They've found it early...I'll have treatment and then I will be okay." Look at it this way...my mum was diagnosed in 1993. At the time all the doctors could do was throw deadly chemo at the cancer and pray that it worked. It didn't. HOWEVER, had she been diagnosed today her cancer WOULD be treatable and she probably would survive it.

You can't live your life fearing death because you let the anxiety win and your life becomes miserable anyway...probably even more miserable that actually having a disease that is dangerous. We live in an age of miracles and our scientists are on the cusp of using tailor-made genetic treatments to knock cancers out. Look at how that new Melanoma cancer drug has worked wonders for people who thought they were going to die. There is nothing wrong in being vigilant in regards to your health but with that vigilance there comes an added responsibility to listen to doctors, have the tests that are necessary and then manage your health. Cancelling pathology tests and scans is the worst thing you can do because if there is something lurking within you then, by cancelling, you have bought it more time to do its worst.

Pepsicola...you and I share a condition...it is related to OCD and Generalised Anxiety Syndrome. It's what doctors used to call hypochondria. That term is seldom used these days because of the negative image attached to it. Just keep telling yourself you are going to be okay...that it's unlikely you will have a bad disease at your age and that if something does turn up your vigilance would have paid off in getting an early diagnosis with an excellent chance of full recovery. You owe this to yourself and your new bub. It's not easy...I know that myself all too well...but you can come through it. See a psychiatrist and get a treatment plan perhaps with a different type of medication. Good luck.

[Olivesbranch]

Hi there,

I can really, really, relate to your post and I just wanted to say I completely understand what you are going through. I also have severe health anxiety and not so long ago I was convinced I had a brain tumour and that the TUMOUR was responsible for me thinking/acting/feeling the way I did (not the anxiety). I would go to the doctors religiously and ask for MRI, blood tests, scans, anything that would give me an answer but they never would. Eventually, they referred me to a Psychiatrist to have my medication altered and, for me, it has made the world of difference.

My (unqualified) suggestions are:

Challenge yourself: What other symptoms of a brain tumour do you have? Your writing is perfect. How is your speech? Motor Skills? Eyesight? If you had a brain tumour, (I am NO WAY a Doctor) I would think you would have multiple symptoms or ailments.

If your health anxiety has started now that you are off your meds, do you think maybe that that (being off your meds) is what is causing these symptoms, confusions and obsessive thoughts, not a brain tumour?

Also, you have just had a baby. Your body, mind and hormones have gone through massive changes, remember we are always changing, but it is not always for the worse.

I have gone through this and I honestly understand how consuming it is. It is scary and you do feel like no one believes you!! I know myself better than anyone else and I was positive there was something wrong and that I was going to die, but now I can see that my ANXIETY was clouding my judgement.

You will get through this.

[Jdavid]

Hello sounds like me . I was having flashing lights in my vision I was convinced I had a brain tumour ended up going to emergency thought I was having a stroke had a mri ct scan all clear nothing wrong. Next day worrying about bowl cancer one topic to the next. It’s like my brain wants to only think about how my body feels and not on important things in life