What should I do

[James1008]

I’m 27 years old I have no education learned nothing in school worked for a year fired due to incompetence no drivers license and I’m scared of mostly everything, I literally haven’t mentally changed at all since I was 12

[P0L0]

Hi James1008,

I commend you for seeking guidance in this time here on the forums. We are here for you. We support you no matter who you are or what you are going through.

We all progress through our lives differently and at our own paces, so try not to feel disheartened that you feel you haven't mentally grown. You may not know it, but I promise you, you have changed just as we all are. We are constantly changing, it is just that you might not be able to see it.

You do not have to measure your "success" in life by having things like a drivers license or education. In the grand scheme of things, we are here on this Earth to be kind. I believe that the most successful people on Earth are those that are kind to others, and that is what I strive to be like. Who do you strive to be?

Also, if you need anyone to talk to or if you need support, remember to contact Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport . There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Lifeline crisis chat 7pm - 12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/ .

You can do it!

P0L0

[James1008]

Ever since I was a young kid I felt strongly that people don’t like me so it’s hard to make friends alcohol has helped quiet these voices

[Emmen]

Hello James1008,

You are a brave person for reaching out in this forums.

You've told us the ways in which you have "failed" (particularly, education, job, driver's licence, friends). I wonder what your ideal life would be like with regards to these aspects, and if there is a way for you to achieve what you want. As P0L0 has pointed out, life is a journey and a unique one at that, for each of us. If you can slowly work towards knowing what you want to achieve, it certainly isn't too late to start achieving them.

You've definitely changed since you were 12, please don't think badly of yourself. Reaching out on this forums shows great maturity and a willingness to address your insecurities. That itself is commendable.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warmly,
M

[Emmen]

Sorry, I hit send a little too soon. I meant to also ask - why do you feel that people don't like you?

Unfortunately, people do use alcohol to hide from their problems. But it's not going to help you in the long term. Depending on how much you're drinking, it could also be harmful to your health. By understanding where your inability to make friends stems from, maybe you'll be able to work on actually making friends and reducing your dependence on alcohol.

Hoping to hear from you, James1008.

Warmly,
M

[James1008]

I used to be able to make friends maybe it was the time in 7th grade when I tried to become a guys friend and he was so enraged he bullied me for the rest of the year

[Ggrand]

Hello James1008,

I hope it’s okay to pop into here and say hello..

I have a really difficult time making friends due to my anxiety...

My psychologist told me once that the best place / way to make friends is to find out what you like doing, then search the net for groups in your area with the same interest..

My psychiatrist.. told me that my emotions are suppressed to that of a 12 year old... I’m also scared of doing most things on my own..even going to the shop..The isolation period was good for me..because the shops were practically empty of people....I have been doing bits of exposure therapy by going out on my own...for 5-10 minutes at a time....it helps me builds up my confidence...

I’m wondering if you have spoken to your Dr. about how you’re feeling...If the cause of your anxiety is from the 7th grade..maybe talking to a professional could help you...if it’s hard face to face..beyond blue have really good councillors that you could talk things through with...

Talk here anytime you feel up to it...

Kind thoughts..

Grandy..

The second step in making friends is finding potential friends. When looking for potential friends, the best places to start are also the easiest—your interests.4 Do you work with others? Do you know someone who has a large circle of friends? Could you join a group or organization to increase the number of people that you are in contact with?

[Emmen]

Hey James1008,

It must have been traumatic to be bullied for a whole year, and clearly that experience still haunts you. However, one bad experience shouldn't stop you from trying again to make friends. Most people are not as nasty as that, and they'd most likely be willing to speak to you and get to know you. Give yourself the chance to experience the good people too.

As Grandy suggests, starting with your interests is a good way to know people. Personally, I've also found that working on myself has made it easier for me to make friends. When I was more open and cheerful, I got along with people better (maybe because I came across as friendlier). But in my "down" periods, I didn't seem to connect with people easily. You're in a "down" period now. Perhaps you could start with practicing self-acceptance? I find that reminding myself for the things I am thankful for (even if it's something small, like pleasant weather) helps maintain some positivity in life too. On that note, do join in on this thread (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/three-things-to-be-thankful-for...). Friends wouldn't happen instantly, but it's important for you to recognise that you are valuable before you can convince others of that.

Hope this helps.

Take care,
M