Anxiety about bringing up Anxiety and changing job networks

[idontevenknowanymore]

i think the last time i posted here was in 2016 when i was going through a very tough time, i posted something brash in a fit of helplessness, since then ive managed to survive but now days i feel my old dreadful self coming back.

Long story short ive had depression and anxiety what feels like my whole life , and possiblly even bi polar for as long as i can remember , it honestly feels like i was born with it.

Ive been unemployed for over a year and i really think my current situation with my job network is making things worse, they are constantly changing case workers and then i have to explain my entire life story again, they really dont understand how anyone with these illnesses feel, nor do they care, they are so desperate to place me in a workplace that my current case worker has told me to lie about my medical conditions, and i quote her " would you hire someone who admitted they have asthma and admitted they are not fit enough to climb up ladders all day", after i told the interviewer for a roof insulation business that i was not the fit fast individual they were seeking as i had respiratory issues and i am simply not fit enough to do it efficiently , even though i said i was happy to give it a go anyway, i told them i could do other tasks if they wanted, i would make them lunch and drive the car around, bring in supplies, whatever they wanted, but the interviewer said its probably not worth the time to try and he was also actually very happy that i was honest with him about it.

A day after the interview my case worker called me back in a fit of rage, her condescending tone is driving me mad, and as i said above she is wanting me to lie just to get a job, either im crazy, or she is a psychopath.

i feel like all these job networks hire people with the skill set required being "proficient in Microsoft word", and the workers use the job network to fulfill there fetish of talking down to people who come in.

Anyway, im thinking about booking an appointment with my GP to finally bring up my feelings, im hoping there is some thing he can do, or give me that i can give to centerlink and get me to switch to a provider who can deal with people like me, but my anxiety about it is so bad that i dont know how to ask the doctor about it..i want to write it down and give it to him, i dont know if thats appropriate. i would rather die than speak to my current case worker again, but if i miss even 1 phone call of hers she will stop my pay.

[LS128]

Hi idontevenknowanymore,

I am sorry to read about your situation, but it is very brave of you to reach out and acknowledge that things are not working with your current case worker.

You are making all the right moves by thinking of booking an appointment with your GP, as they could be in a position to put you on a mental health plan if they think this is medically the right thing to do. When I first did this when suffering from Anxiety I was scared, but seeing my GP was one of the best life decisions I made.

Without knowing more about the situation, it does seem that your case worker is not being empathetic to you, or considerate of your skillsets. It does seem however you are trying your best to gain employment. If the situation continues to be uncomfortable for you, then it could perhaps be worth making a complaint so that you can work with someone that is right for you.

Whilst this is understandably a tough time for you, make sure that you are doing the right things in your own personal life that make you happy. This could be something as simple as setting time aside each day to go for a walk or read a book you like. There are some resources (link below) that could be useful in helping deal with Anxiety.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/treatment-options/other-sources-of-support

I hope that what I have said is useful, and please reach out if you have any more questions or thoughts. We are all here to help.

Warm Regards,

LS128

[idontevenknowanymore]

hello and thanks for the kind words, its really helpful at the moment.

Although, this morning i chickened out of my GP appointment, i have the letter i want to give him here ready.. i just need to push my self to do it, i dont even know what im so scared of.

[sisu100]

Hi idontevenknowanymore,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been going through such a difficult time in this past year. I agree with LS128- it sounds like your case worker is not being empathetic or supportive at all. It seems like you've been really trying your best to find a new job. It takes a lot of strength and resilience to continue searching, and you've managed to do so despite also dealing with your depression and anxiety, and dealing with all the anger and condescending nature of your case worker. You sound like a very honest and committed individual and you deserve so much better.

Writing the letter was such a big first step, so you should be really proud for doing so! Being scared of visiting the GP is completely understandable- it can be really nerve-wracking to reach out and ask for help. I just wanted to say that we're here for you and will support you every step of the way. Please feel free to let us know how you're going- we're here to provide as much help and conversation as you need.

[LS128]

Hi idontevenknowanymore,

I am sorry to hear that you felt that you should not go to your doctor's appointment this morning. If you don't mind me asking, was there anything in particular that made you feel like not going? And also, what were your overriding feelings and emotions that you were experiencing? I hope that you are feeling OK.

Taking the first step asking for help can be a very nerve-wrecking process. Health professionals like GP should always be there to help, without any judgement. You have done a great thing so far in writing things in a letter and I am sure when the time is right you can take the brave next step of seeking help. Whilst it sometimes might not feel like it, admitting feelings of anxiety to one's self is sometimes the most difficult step. You will know when you are ready.

As always, please write back if you have any more questions or feelings you want to express. We are all here to help. Take care.

LS128.

[idontevenknowanymore]

Thanks again for all the replies.

To answer the question of what made me not go to the appointment, i just feel skeptical that the gp will be on my side for some reason and that kind of scared me, i dont want to walk in and open up with everything to be told something along the lines of "you have to go through this hurdle, and then this hurdle, before the person in charge of xxx department can let you attempt the next hurdle" , and i dont mean hurdle as in the hurdle to better myself, i just mean hurdle as in papers to sign, multiple appointments to attend and a barage of tests before i even get any help.

also my medical history is a bit wonky, i dont remember many things after i come out of hospital, i often feel like the whole ordeal is a dream and i just kind of ignore it and go on with my life, so when im asked about things from many years ago i cant give anyone accurate answers, ive been asked many times about when i first or last went in for procedures or certain appoints ive had, they often want exact dates and times, but i struggle to remember the year i even had it done.

i guess what really made me scared is just how flaky i am with the information i retain, as i cant always give complete accurate answers.

Apart from the above, for some reason i feel like it would be a awkward or cringey kind of talk to have with someone, especially a stranger, even if its a gp, at least when face to face. But i think that is just my stupid man brain being defensive and not wanting to open up, im also scared that i might burst into tears once i open up, again this scares me, not sure why.

I hope the above makes sense in some way, and i want to thank you all again for the support.

[LS128]

Thanks for sharing how you were feeling at the time, and all of what you have said makes sense. Your brain is not stupid for going into a defensive mechanism. As a matter of fact, recognising defensive behaviour is something that requires a lot of mental perception or brain power.

I am sorry to hear that you feel by opening up to the GP, you might burst into tears. I can understand this must be a very painful feeling that you are grappling with. However, your feelings and emotions are not something that you should be afraid of.

As for the GP, their job is not to be biased. Their job is to help give you the best advice possible. There might be a hurdle or two you might need to pass, but there also might not be any hurdles. The only way to find out is to go when you are ready to do so.

The GP might ask you about your past medical history and all you can do is try answer it as best as you can. You might miss a point and realise this later, but that is OK. If it is significant, you can always follow up next time you need to see the GP. Sometimes I forget what I have had for breakfast let alone something that may have happened several years ago. We are only human after all, don't be harsh on yourself.

At the moment, there are a significant number of GPs are doing Telehealth consultations because of Covid-19. Is this something that could be available to you? It might be an easier first step than going in person.

I hope that we have been helpful to you. As always, come back with any questions or concerns you have.

Make sure you enjoy the rest of your day, and do something you enjoy also. Take care.

Warm Regards,
LS128