unsure

[yungtree]

hey all

Im confused and unsure what im feeling

Ok so over the past 6 months I have been under some amounts of stress and i've been feeling different / strange (could almost say derealised). It all started with me experiencing thought blocks during conversations with people. Id be having a conversation then I would panic for no reason about forgetting what to say and my mind would go blank. it would come back after a few seconds from calming down. This was once bad but has now kind of passed over. But now I fear telling stories as I feel ill forgot what im going to say and this makes me panic a bit as I feel i'm not capable of conversing. Anyway then my OCD started to kick in on intrusive thoughts. id have thoughts about hurting the ones I love and then this lead to me to having thoughts that I was going crazy. by the way i've always had OCD as a kid. I had bad OCD on checking the house making sure it was locked, looking in closets, under beds to make sure it was safe lol, thats passed. then I had an OCD phase of being extremely scared to be (physically) sick so id sometimes avoid eating and id avoid people who were ill etc. I got over that ages ago. I also always think I have something wrong with me, which I still have because now its this, i'm scared of going crazy and get thoughts of hurting loved ones. Im good with letting the thoughts pass through and to not overthink this but it always triggers me to think i'm crazy because I think like this. And now this is affecting the way I think about things. i'm scared to socialise with people because i've had these thoughts and I always second guess anything I say or do to make sure I didn't just do anything crazy. And then that leads to me overthinking everything I do now which makes me feel like i'm going back to my old self (I was becoming confident and happy before this happened) Now i'm having problems socialising again and don't know what to say in conversations. I also sometimes fear hanging out with just 1 person and would prefer a group of 3. Im completely fine around my family but I do fear my dad sometimes. Anyways now I feel strange most of the time and I can get derealised where everything seems strange like my surroundings, voice, thoughts and just reality in general.

well theres whats been bothering me lol, it feels good to write this out, but please let me know if you've been through anything similar or if you have any ways to move on from this as its affecting my life

Thanks all in advance

[PamelaR]

Hello Yungtree

So good you've been able to find your way to the BeyondBlue (BB) forums. You'll find the people who respond are friendly, caring, supportive and respect privacy. We're not counsellors or therapists, just people who have mental health issues and are willing to share our experiences to help you and others.

Aww, from your post that sense of derealisation is obviously worrying you. My thoughts go out to you and sending you all the positive energy I can to help you on your way. You seem to have a bit going on - OCD too. Do you have a regular GP or therapist you see for this? My initial thoughts are you should go and see them to talk about how you're feeling at the moment.

Until you can get an appointment, there are some self help things you might like to try (if you don't already know about them) -

Relax, you can do this through slowing your breathing. Breath in through your nose for 5 and out through your mouth for 5. Focussing on your breathe as it goes into your body and out again.

Grounding, meditation, mindfulness - are all helpful in reducing anxiety. Google search each of these topics with the added words - Beyond Blue.

Distracting techniques - Play a game, talk to someone, watch a movie.

From what I've read of derealisation happens when you're overly stressed and need a break. It's your body telling you to take a rest. It's not a permanent state from what I've read. But going to the GP is your best alternative just to make sure you've self diagnosed correctly.

Hope the above helps.

Get back to us if you want to tell us how you got on.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Croix]

Dear Yungtree~

Welcome to the Forum, its a place where you are going to find a lot of other people's experiences to draw on. Sadly anxiety in its different forms can affect one's life to a huge extent, and you sound as if you are having a very difficult time at the moment.

It looks like many of the things you had to cope with in the past have returned, and that can be most discouraging. When we overcome problems we'd like to think they are gone. I've found pressure makes me revert, though my problems are PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression I'd imagine the mechanism is similar for OCD. As time has gone on the symptoms do become much less, which is encouraging.

You said right at the start you have had 6 months of pressure. Would you like to give some sort of idea what you mean? (Only if you feel comfortable doing that of course). Do you think there are any things you can do to lessen this?

As a general rule I've found trying to live a lifestyle that takes my susceptibility to stress into account is the best way of making my medical treatment more effective. Such things as exercise, nutrition, sleep, and avoiding triggers and stressful matters. Plus of course regular activities that I enjoy and distract me. Do you have a similar regime?

Do you mind if I ask if you are under treatment at the moment? In some cases it can be the only way to improve (that was me anyway).

Although you have painted a pretty clear picture of your past and how your symptoms are affecting you there is not much you have said about your circumstances. I found my partner was a huge help to me, providing care and importantly perspective (I'd tend to imaging things much worse than they were). Just knowing she was there was a comfort. Do you have anyone like that for you?

Sharing how you feel here does help, if only because you see others have been in the same or a similar boat. I do hope you come back and talk more

Croix