Trying to find help for my son

[Greg61]

Hi everyone,

i manage my own depression and anxiety issues, but this is about my son, not me. He is 30 this year and has suffered from his early teens with a social anxiety disorder. He knows he does, and tries to deal with it as best he can. I believe Headspace possibly saved his life and helped him a great deal. He now lives alone (shares a unit).

He is very thin and knows he is ill, but feels not one will listen to him. He is often dismissed as a drug abuser (he does smoke weed and nicotine, but no more than the "average" person), and this hurts him deeply. He has done what most of us would call vast amounts of reading and research, but historically, medical professionals have dismissed him with throwaway lines like "take supplements" and "try this or that and you'll be ok". He has tried and done all those things and they haven't helped. He's had bloods done and thyroid tests but nothing seems out of order. He believes he has something like "reverse anorexia" as he describes it, where he can eat, and does, but doesn't put on weight or mass. He says he can't physically eat around others or near authority figures. He isn't bulimic.

it hurts me to see him this way. He's been going through all the regular medical motions without an answer and its feeding his anxiety terribly. I'm scared he'll give up. He knows we love him and support him, but we all feel powerless.

im looking for help for him initially where he lives (Gold Coast). I'm in NSW. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas?

[blondguy]

Hello Greg61

Welcome to the forums and being a part of what we are trying to achieve.

I feel your pain with your son as I have a 25 year old daughter who has been self harming that I have difficulty dealing with as my input isnt wanted

The social anxiety is a pain as I have it myself after years of chronic anxiety attacks....(now under management with a GP) Does your son have anxiety attacks? If you wish to elaborate on your son's symptoms we can help provide more effective support

It took me over 10 years to take my anxiety seriously and have frequent counseling/GP visits in my 20's to 30's...until it exacerbated...unfortunately. I understand that everyone has varying levels of anxiety Greg

Your sons anxiety levels can be reduced with very frequent visits to a GP/therapist that has focus on mental health. Thats the good news....The hard part is having the determination and patience to stick to a fortnightly or weekly appointment to help us help ourselves find some peace from this awful yet common condition

This is my 35th year with anxiety followed by depression..I take a small dosage of a AD and when required a benzo to help me sleep and have a better day whilst working in senior management for years

The forums are a Safe and non judgemental place for you to post Greg. If you have any questions you are more than welcome to ask away 🙂

Beyond Blue have a section dedicated to 'Finding a Professional' I have included the copy & paste below for you

www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional

Its only through my experience that the frequency of visits are a key to having some peace of mind

You are not alone Greg...I hope you can post back when its convenient for you!

my kind thoughts for you and your son

Paul

Note: I am still having 4 weekly visits with a GP for a 'tune up' (Bulk Billed)

[Skary Bill]

Hi Greg,

Good on you for reaching out to find some ideas. Just for clarity, the main thing you're looking to help him with at this point is to put on a bit of mass and fill out his frame so he feels good in his own body yea?

Cheers,

Bill.

[Greg61]

Hi Paul, and thank you for your reply. yes he does have panic attacks.

since his teens, he has had to leave the table or group before finishing his meal. We put this down to a "sensitive stomach" and really thought little more of it. Only recently has he talked about it, and only yesterday that this behaviour was his anxiety and his fear of eating in front of others, not his appetite.

He seems to eat Mcdonalds and fast foods mostly but does like other foods as well. While working away (for weeks/months on end on a road crew) he did put on some weight - he puts that down to eating alone in his room and usually pub meals - big roasts and steaks etc.

one of his big gripes is that medicos see his cannabis usage as the problem when in fact he says its his coping mechanism for the anxiety. Strangely, to me, he is wary and averse to prescription meds for anx/dep although he knows that ive been having daily meds (SSRI's mostly) since 2008 and seldom anything stronger, without any lasting issues or side effects.

He is extremely intelligent, and researches things to the most minute detail. He did a TAFE Lab Tech course and can write and describe complex molecular chains from memory. My own belief is that he overthinks things, but he would scoff at this...lol. I think he second-guesses some of the medicos, although it may well be that he's ahead of some of them.

I'm hoping he's able to find and connect with a "good" one.

[Greg61]

Hi Bill, and thank you for your reply. Yes, very much so! That's his primary focus at the moment, and I believe if he sees some successes there, it will certainly bolster his self esteem (sorely needed).

[Skary Bill]

I have spent quite a lot of my time in the last 18 months researching and coming to better understanding about nutrition. For me, it's been primarily about weight loss.. But also just general health and strength. And the same systems that are successful for weight loss apply readily to weight gain and even athletic pursuits.

Given your son's intellect and interest in gaining knowledge, Perhaps he'd find it as interesting as I have. Using free sites like myfitnesspal to learn about and track what's going in, and some kitchen scales. In the space of a few months I learned so much about what I was and wasn't eating. At first it seems like too a lot of effort, but I found something incredibly satisfying about taking the guesswork out of what was going on with my weight.

Anyway, that's the sort of direction I'd suggest. Don't worry so much about what to eat.. Just learn as much as you can about what you are eating, keep a food diary then do a bit of reading and the path becomes clear. I think as soon as he put's a bit of muscle on his frame, he'll be hooked. Feeling good is very moreish... 🙂