Anxiety or Panic moment?

[Guest_8790]

Recently I met up with a fellow student to study. I got there feeling tired but before I could settle the person
started asking questions to her work but wasn't given apace to answer. I could feel my self getting angry or tense but didn't say anything but tried to study. The person kept talking until I had to give up and leave. Afterwards I was so wound up or anxious I got shaky. the question is should I have spoken up stating too tired and needed to calm down or say in a reasonable manner to give me time. My stress or anxiety level was quite high by the time I left.

I know I didn't handle it well as didn't want to offend. instead I got anxious or panicky I am not sure. At my stage of life I should have done better but still not. any suggestions as I probably won't want to study with that person to avoid situation. hope this makes sense.

rustic girl

[Croix]

Dear Rusty girl~

If a person has a sensitive nature, as I do, then it is easy to get 'bruised' by social situations that are a little awkward, nothing disastrous, just an 'uncomfortable fit'.

I find there is a tendency to shy away from these, avoid them if possible, or minimize things if I am stuck with one. The downside of this, I'd imagine, is twofold. One does not get practice at such interactions and the little ways of easing tensions, and one feels unhappy with oneself afterwards for doing little or nothing.

It may well be that your friend was talking too much for a variety of reasons, a desire to explain, a feeling of nervousness herself, or perhaps not knowing how to approach things.

You yourself have given a list of possible actions, walking out, explaining you are tired, asking to be given a chance to have time, for her to steady down.

The upshot is that you felt ill afterwards and are reluctant to study with her again.

Bear in mind one can ask things in a civil or even humorous manner without often causing offense.

What do you think - now that time has passed - might have been a more workable alternative that did not leave you unsatisfied?

If you anticipated something along the same lines is it possible to prepare a few words in advance?

Croix

[Guest_8790]

hello Croix thanks for reply. On reflecting the student did ask if they were upsetting me and I said no. I had perfect chance to say yes but decided did not want confrontation. this person has supported me she I got stressed out in class and has followed up after class to see how I was. I did feel guilty for lying and not being honest. you are right I could have handled it differently but I tend to avoid and next day.feel uncomfortable. I still don't understand myself but hope I do before I die. thank you for your advice.

rustic girl

[Croix]

Dear Rustic Girl~

It sounds to me like yu have found a rather caring and perceptive person who may well become a good friend, I would think that is still quite possible.

While it might have been better if you had been more forthcoming at the time I"d be surprised if it was now too late to talk.

A simple explanation you were overwhelmed at the time might well be understood and accepted. After all she already knows you have had difficulties, otherwise she would not have followed up after class.

Do you think an attempt might be worth trying - even if uncomfortable to start with?

Croix

Croix

[Guest_8790]

Hi Croix

You are so right. She actually asked if she was the cause and I just told her I was tired which was true as never sleep at night. We are still talking and did apologise. I guess I am a complicated person in that I shy away from.confrontation but still trying to work myself out. I appreciate your thoughts on this.

rustic girl

[Guest_8790]

hello Croix

It is not too late as we are meeting up again to study. I think it was better to have spoken up but bringing it up now would not help as she accepted my apology and have now moved on and still got a good friendship. I have learnt from this and be open when I get frustrated and be honest without being aggressive about it. thanks for your advice.

rustic girl

[Croix]

Dear Rustic Girl~

I'm really pleased. It sounds as if it could not have worked out better. I'd imagine as she gets to know you she will learn what is putting on too much pressure anyway.

I would like to mention one thing. Many good people take things as a reflection of faults in themselves, they blame themselves for things they should not. If a situation is not explained then this can happen -and often does.

If you are able to explain what's wrong when it happens you may be doing both of you a favor.

Good luck with the studies

Croix