Tiered of the ocd Rollercoaster 😭

[ci]

Not sure what to write don't want to just ramble all the horrible mess that is in my head but needed to vent my frustration.

I'm tired I've been doing so well this last month made steps forward and have made big plans for the year ahead because felt like I was improving! Last couple days been hard and feel like I'm back on the floor again. 

How am I going to get better how am I going to achieve goals for the year?

This illness seems so cruel!!

[Zeal]

Hi ci,

OCD is a confusing and seemingly relentless illness. I'm 22, and was first diagnosed with OCD at 13. I have been to see my fair share of psychiatrists, psychologists and other health professionals. You sound very committed to getting better and making progress. The fact that you have already taken steps in the right direction this year is encouraging. Having a few "bad" days or days of regression is pretty common, and can be linked to exhaustion, life stresses etc.

Stay with the health professional(s) you're currently seeing, and perhaps write a few notes about how you're feeling each day, so that you can track how you're going. It's probably easier to do this in a blank notebook, rather than a diary. Try to not be too hard on yourself if your progress isn't as steady or speedy as you'd hoped. Keep in close contact with family and friends, and ensure you allow free time for yourself to pursue interests and to generally relax and unwind.

Good luck and best wishes,

SM

[ci]

Thanks sm

The notes definitely help I was doing that a while a ago maybe should start again. Got 3 kids and a busy life I  just want to get better for my family. Don't have any outside support just my husband and it's so much for him to cope with me alone. Lost my friends due to this but guessing they weren't really friends if they can't find time to be there for me like I was for them so many times! 

Just down today it all seems like a cruel joke some days miss the old me!

[Bluey_moon]

Oh Ci, 

i hear you honey! 

I miss the old me everyday! But I know deep down I'm still in there! 

I have two children and an awesome husband! I want to better for my family too and me! 

I know it's gonna take hard work and I fell down today, and yesterday! But surely it can't last forever if we keep trying. 

Keep talking Ci! 

[Flame]

I feel for you Ci. Ocd is not as uncommon as you might think! I have it too. You don't have to answer, but do you mind telling me what behaviours you have that are ocd? A few things that might help: 1: don't think of it as necessarily negative...just your own unique habits (that we all have) that you can (only if disabling or unproductive) gradually think through and work out ways of reducing the ocd, if you are able to....if you can't remove it completey or even reduce it at all, that is fine and ok....but work out if it is too disabling and then keep trying by making small workable plans and solutions to reduce it. 2: Also, we all need and want time to ourselves, which is a healthy thing. If odd makes you take a little longer to do something, let that be your time! 3: Be careful of big goals! Big goals may be unrealistic, unachievable and require massive changes in our lives. Society tells us that big goals are the only way to be successful...often that is a lie! Also, you will probably assume that whatever you are doing is ALL wrong, when it may actually be mostly right! Raising 3 kids and being part of a full family is a huge goal in and of itself and is honestly more important to society and God than you probably realise! Let that be your goal....don't worry about perfection....sometime in the midst of chaos, you just have to ride it out, smile, find the humour, happiness and good in it all, and instead of big goals, ongoing achievable adjustments...gradually breaking or reducing bad or less productive habits and gradually developing and increasing good and productive habits! Good luck. Seek help always...don't go it alone. Let others including your kids know do they might be able to help you. Have family meetings and agreements. Know that you are probably doing better than you realise. Keep on keeping on and know that if you keep trying...you are winning. Find happiness in the journey because 1 day you may look back and remember as 1 of the best times of your life! (If you let it....come what may and love it anyway!)

[ci]

Hi bluey moon and flame thanks for you reply.

Bluey moon family does help give you push to get better us mums will do anything for our kids. I have 3 crazy little people in my house 😊

Flame always helpful to hear from someone that suffers from ocd it seems to affect people in so  many different ways. 

Mine is mostly contamination fears with food blood  germs ect. I have bed time rituals and things I know silly but it's about keeping my kids safe. I have big fears of people getting hurt. 

Funny about you saying getting your kids to help I've just had big talk and given them list of jobs to take pressure of me and try and stop some of my rituals. I have made big decision to go back to uni this year I'm trying to do something for me push myself out of the house and build my confidence hopefully get on top of my ocd worst case I  break more but at least I tried it's all I can do!