Hi ggrrrpphephe,
Iʻm sorry to hear that youʻre in a tough situation. I can understand how on top of that, the OCD and Anxiety are probably intensifying it a lot too.
I think the biggest thing would probably be to get some help via therapy - it can be really helpful for working through the deeper stuff that might be making the overwhelm worse.
But for now, I think itʻs important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and even if they are big and we have to take accountability for them, itʻs a process of accepting and forgiving ourselves for it. Shame is helpful only in learning what we can do better next time, and despite the consequences we might face, there is never a point where we canʻt change and feel comfortable and happy with ourselves. Life is about growth always. This is probably a painful process for you, but it will pass, and you will have learned something important from it. You will probably also come out a better person for it as well.
Itʻs hard when those mistakes affect other people around us, but ultimately you care for and love them, and whatever it is you can work through it. My advice would be to be patient and kind to yourself, and know that regardless of a mistake, the only redemption that is important is how you change yourself in your eyes. Others will see it and probably respect you for it even more.
I hope this helps and that this passes quickly for you. 🙂
