I was first diagonsed with GAD in 2013. I had a major breakdown over something and my partner basically told me he couldn't help me anymore and to go seek help. I was very, extremely reluctant to go get help because I'd ben raised in a family which held stigmas about mental health and illness, but I went because I wanted to keep my relationship and thats when life starting making sense.
Looking back I held the personality traits associated with GAD, perfectionism, shyness, a worrier, I have trouble with change, a need to be accepted by my family and peers and then in year 12 when I got my first ever D on a test, my dreams of becoming a doctor slipped away and I headed into a dark spiral. I was irritable, angry, couldn't focus, on edge all the time, running a million miles an hour and it followed through with me until I had that first major breakdown two years later.
Anxiety effects my life in what I consider to be very annoying ways. I have trouble holding a full time job, so I work casually. I can't stay dedicated to a form of education and have changed my degree so many times over. I have trouble maintaining friendships, I give up on myself easily, I hide away from life and responsibilities and when it all gets too much I have anxiety attacks that are absolutley emotionally and physically exhausting. It's basically blagh.
I've always been certain I never wanted to take medication to help me, so I tried all the other various forms of treatment, psychologist, councellors but there were two dominant forms which have helped me immensly. These included CBT and yoga/meditation. I hate the feeling of not being in control of a situation and how I react to it, so these two forms of therapy have taught me to breath, take time out, recognise my thought patterns and associated actions and respond in a more rational manner.
Anxiety is something that I don't let define me, but it is a part of me. I'm lucky I have one very understanding partner who has stuck by me all this time. I still have bad days, but then I have good days. I'm not the best at sticking to a plan to maintain a balance in my life, but I'm getting there slowly. I've worked hard to remove the stigma from myself and my family are coming around slowly. I'd never wish anxiety upon anyone ever, but I've learnt so much about myself and life that I am thankful for what I've been through.
