Supporting my BF and his anxiety HELP!

[SMER]

After some advise please!
My boyfriend sinks into a terrible hole when anxiety rears its head.
We don't live together, and he would prefer to SMS me only when he feels unwell.
He has come a long way, by admitting how he is feeling on occasion.
However, it's now been about three weeks, and he's starting to get a little abusive.
I know it's coming from the anxiety and lack of self belief.
It kind of feels like he's unconsciously testing me.

I've not changing my behaviour the whole time, and checking in daily with a hello...not necessarily asking any questions. Sometimes I do.
I figured it would gently help him to know I'm not going anywhere.

The advise that would really help me....if I stop my daily msg, would that cause more anxiety issues?
I've not ever encountered anxiety at this level before.
I just don't want to cause him any more stress.

Understanding anxiety is important to me.
Our relationship broke up once before because of his anxiety management.
I want to support him, because when he is healthy he's amazing.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Firstly - you're fantastic! Good on you! It's a hard task to support someone through this. You need to keep yourself healthy too though, and it's not ok for him to mistreat you. I hope you can have a conversation about boundaries. Is your partner getting professional help?

[SMER]

Thanks for the quick response.
Now isn't really the time to discuss boundaries. When he is well I will definitely raise it.
I thought he was seeing a GP, but right now I'm a little skeptical.

When he is well, I'll definitely be having a chat about these things.
My concern is right now, and managing it so it doesn't get worse really.
I don't want my behaviour change to impact him.
I'm ok, a little frustrated and sad that this is happening.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Sorry I wasn't of more help. I think checking in is lovely and I would want someone to do that for me. I'm sorry you are both going through this. I feel like it's massively comforting when you're in a bad head space to know that someone is thinking of you.

[SMER]

You absolutely helped! Thank you...

Each situation is different, and I hope you are right and me checking in on him is helpful.

I'm normally convinced.... and must admit I'm struggling a little today with his 'absence'.
It's hard to understand sometimes, but in the end it's my choice to help/wait.

Thank you for your insight, it was really appreciated

[RicardoD]

I'd say the same thing as @Katyonthehamsterwheel, he's lucky to have you support and be so steadfast. Telling him that obviously won't help, but being there (even as a text) just to let them know that you're thinking of him and love him, is a huge thing to feel. However, the abuse thing is concerning and as @Katyonthehamsterwheel said, there is never an excuse for that. Am sure your love and support are making a huge difference and hope you both manage to come through the bad patch so he can get professional help again.