Support and help needed

[Belle1984]

Hi, 

not sure here or how to start. My current situation has for the most larr ruined my life and in the last year I’ve developed several mental health conditions because of it including general anxiety disorder, chronic anxiety and panic disorder. I’ve always been anxious and in and out of depression having been through a lot in my life since a child but I’ve always pushed through. But this time I’m struggling. About a year and a half ago I met the love of my life online. I was never someone who believed in this sort of stuff but it happened. My issue is I haven’t flown in over 11 years and I am terrified. I have a vestibular hyperfunction disorder that causes me vertigo and I can’t handle motion or force so my fear of flying because of it got really bad. I’ve missed a few flights because of it. I used to only be scared of take off but now I fear everything and get scared that I’ll feel stuck and claustrophobic and have a full on panic attack on the plane or at the airport and won’t be able to calm myself down. I don’t want to be a burden on the crew but I want to fight the fear so badly and do it! I wake up constantly in panic and at times can’t sleep, morning time is the worst. I replay all these things in my head and hat can go wrong and most of the time feel so unworthy. I feel so much shame and look around at other people who can fly so easily or go into tunnels and it makes me so sad. I just cry and ask myself what’s wrong with me, why am I like this. Where did my old self go. I used to be so much stronger than this. At a point where I don’t know what to do. 
it’s like I know I have to do this, but I don’t know how I’ll do it. I don’t know how I’ll go to the airport do all the airport stuff and sit and wait to board. The anticipation kills me. I have been prescribed Valium but worried it won’t do much. 
how are these things doable for someone like me? I’ve read so many forums and talked to so many people with the same fears but I feel like I’m the worst at this. 
The flight is a long one and I’ll be alone which scares me even more. 
I don’t know what to anymore I’m just so sad and defeated by this. 

[ViolettaZ]

Hi Belle 1984,

Thanks for opening up and sharing this.

I’m not sure whether my situation would be considered a fear of flying, but whenever the plane experiences even slight changes in motion, my heart starts racing very quickly. I also feel extremely anxious before takeoff.

One of my counselors taught me a technique where I do mental math in my head, or sometimes quietly say it out loud, like addition, subtraction, or division. The idea is to deliberately engage the rational part of the brain, which can help reduce the feeling of fear. However, another counselor told me that this method is essentially a form of distraction, and that in the long term it may not be helpful for fully processing and experiencing emotions.

Personally, though, I feel that whatever works in the moment is worth doing, because when my heart is racing that fast, it becomes very physically uncomfortable and hard to manage.

I hope you find this message helpful.

Warm regards🤗

ViolettaZ

[Belle1984]

Thanks for replying