School problem

[Guest_59121300]

Hey everyone,

I am currently studying at a “elite” high school in sydney (year8). I transferred from an anglican co ed school last year to a all boys school this year and I hate it here. I have tried talking to my parents to consider letting me move but due to JUST joining my school, they told me to try a term. Now the term is over and i tried talking to them however all they do is get mad and tell me to try more, i dont even get that. I feel so bad and want to move so bad i just fake sick all of the time to get out of mandatory sports (4hrs a week + saturday sport) and sometimes i just skip the school day as a whole. I have no friends at this school because i have just joined. What do i do??????

[Desiderata_]

Hey there, 

I'm not a boy and it's been a while since I've been in highschool, but it sucked then for me and it sounds like it's sucking for you now. 

You're are at an age that is developmentally tough. You've got puberty, changing schedules and expectations in academics, transitioning into a new school and trying to make new relationships. 

This part of life can often be challenging and nerve wracking. Please believe me when I tell you, it's going to be ok. 

First of all, I know how debilitating anxiety can be. Try and face the monster. What is it about sport that makes you feel so horrible you fake being sick. Team sport? You don't know people well enough yet? Mean teachers? What is it about it that is so daunting. 

It's challenging when parents don't understand. Sit down and write down what you like about yourself and the subjects you enjoy.

Alot of fear is built on the unknown. Is your schedule consistent? Do you sit next to the same groups of kids in class? Can you sit next to a new student each week and get out of your comfort zone. Small choices like these can build your confidence. 

Remind yourself that you're alright, and you'll be ok. 

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an incredibly challenging time in your life.

Parents, hmmm🤔  What can you say? Sometimes they can be the most incredibly unhelpful people on the face of the earth. I'm one myself (a mum to a 23yo gal and 20yo guy) and I can frustrate my kids at times, for sure. So it's not just about our kids being frustrating at times. Completely understandable that you don't get your parents' advice, 'Try more'. Where's the plan in that? My daughter would tell you that it pays to be challenging and pushy with parents. Some questions to ask when pushing for answers

• How do I try more?
• How do I develop friendships?
• How do I manage the stress I feel at times?
• How do I manage feeling down at times, having left my old school?
• How do I manage the sporting side of things when I don't like sport (if that's the case)?

etc etc. Question as much as you like, until you begin to get answers. The answers have to be ones you can relate to, in order for them to work as part of a plan. The number one rule when it comes to questioning: Don't settle for no answers. For example, when you ask the question 'How do I manage?', don't settle for 'I don't know'. Don't settle for anything that doesn't offer a plan or way forward. Btw, questioning so much might earn you the label of 'challenging' and there's nothing wrong with that. Challenge is a part of a parent's growth and self development. It can be hard to lead a parent to become more conscious at times. 'You're not fully listening to me and feeling what I'm trying to tell you' can serve as a wake up call. A lot of the time parents don't feel what their kids are trying to tell them, such as with 'I'm incredibly stressed', for example.

I'm a big believer that parents are guides in life. Part of their job is to offer guidance when their child is feeling lost, no matter their child's age. If they can't offer the best form of guidance, the next best thing is to find someone who can. Often people expect us to be able to do what we've never done before. It makes sense that such a thing can be incredibly hard or feel impossible when there's no reference because we've never done it before.