Stuck. Cannot return to work

[nmc333]

Hi there,

First time poster... here goes!

I am a professional worker with over 11 years experience. I have worked in a serious of high pressure roles. My last three I was reasonably unqualified for, but as they said I 'felt there fear and did it anyway', and threw myself into them to learn something new. Problem was that most of the people I worked for didn't know/care that I didn't have the traditional experience, so I really had to learn on the spot and faked it until I somewhat made it. I found that really difficult and scaring, although on the outside you would never know. My last role in particular I was bullied and left the contract job prematurely. I was working 14 hours a day, and completely cracked under pressure. I wasn't sleeping anymore, started drinking heavily etc. I have now been unemployed for almost three months. First 6 weeks, I just got back to healthy routines and started to feel like myself again, but obviously bills need to be paid so I am looking for work again.

To avoid me having to work in roles that I am not familiar with, I am trying to avoid similar positions as my last three, that caused me such trauma. I have had 2 interviews, both of which I never made it to due to anxiety. I truly feel broken down from my last roles, have no confidence in my professional thinking or ability anymore, and just cannot face any of it. I am quite senior in my experience but I have even tried applying for junior/part-time roles so that I am not under that much pressure and responsibility again, but the employers all reject me. I feel it is as though I'm overqualified. People I have spoken to also think its weird I would want something so junior, so I think the employers probably share this feeling.

I really don't know what to do now. I am trying my best to keep putting myself out there, but I feel totally stuck.

I have been seeing a Psychologist and have been diagnosed with GAD, but my therapy with her made me feel worse so have stopped for a while. I am now feeling less triggered since stopping the sessions.

Any suggestions or words of advice?

[Here_I_am]

Hi nmc333,

You've made a really positive and proactive step by reaching out and posting here - even if you don't find all the answers, you have definitely found a place where you can be open, honest and upfront about what's going on for you in regard to your anxiety and how it affects your life.

I had an experience earlier this year where I was happily cruising along in my management role when in the space of one week things went from fine to redundancy with no explanation. Needless to say, this is where I had my first experience of anxiety! 🙂

The anxiety aspect of my well-being is what largely drove my decision to apply for case manager roles instead of management; I needed a bit more structure and some time in a 'comfort zone' role. I was upfront about this when interviewing. I didn't come out and say 'I've got some intense feelings of anxiety at the moment so I want an easier job for a while...', but I did say, 'My experiences of management have been taxing, and I've come to realise they took me away from what I love about this work, which is the people. I am happy to work for less money and recognise I am over qualified for this role, however I have applied for it because it is the work I want to do right now. You will get a very capable worker and I will get job satisfaction, which has been missing for a while.' Another pearler I liked to throw in that tended to get a lot of nods of appreciation when the subject of qualifications came up was simply to respond with, 'Yes, I am over qualified for this position, but do you think I'm over qualified for your organisation? If you see potential in me after a year, we can discuss any opportunity you think would be win/win for you and me.'

It got me over the line, and now I am working as a case manager for a lot less money but also a lot less stress! 🙂

On another note, it is sad to hear your experiences with therapy have left you feeling deeper in your anxiety than you would like to be. May I ask if their is anything you are doing that you feel is lessening your anxiety? Do you perhaps feel you could speak to the psychologist about how the session work makes you feel and request a different approach? It is likely the method used thus far is but one method of many available; if your therapist had no idea it was having a detrimental effect on you then he/she would be unlikely to change it without feedback.

I hope you find a clearing soon where you can catch your breath and plan a way forward.

Talk soon

[nmc333]

Hi there 🙂

Thank you SO much for your reply. I really appreciate it. They are some great ways of handling the conversation, and I am going to try these in future. It's nice to know I'm also not the only one who feels this way and has done something similar. There is so much pressure on people 'climbing the ladder' etc, so few people understand your desire to perhaps not do that.

Since posting my original post I've had a job offer at one of these work places again (not the bullying one, but a high pressure one none the less). I'm getting to a point financially where I think I might have to do it. Sometimes I feel it's hard to know if life is leading me in a certain way or if I really do just need to push back against it more. The people in that place were lovely, but I have that haunting feeling of being not confident in the role.

I have tried three different therapists at different points of my life. I have definitely found value in moments of it but I find I get really angry with it all. I recognised that as I was seeing my therapist on alternate Saturdays, it would be those Saturdays that I would end up going out with friends and get blind drunk, I think subconsciously to forget everything and numb myself.

It sounds a little 'rain man' (haha) but I have started to draw flow charts of different situations that happen to me, so I can more easily see the pattern of behaviour and therefore how I can break it the pattern. I did this for a particular love-interest situation, and it felt great to get it out of my head.

I had emailed my therapist saying that I found it triggering and wanted to stop for a while, and she responded by saying she understood and that was fine. I was even more annoyed by that response as I felt she had sort of given up on me so easily (I have had that happen in other parts of my life so I hate that feeling). I was disappointed she didn't recognise that I was at a breaking point.

Thank you again for your reply, speak soon.

[CalmCat]

Hi nmc333,

'I am Here' is stop on.

Find yourself a psychologist that you can connect with. I was in the exact same boat, I thought I wouldn't last at work due to mental health issues. However, I found a brilliant clinical psychologist that has helped me beyond belief.

Good luck!

[nmc333]

Thank you. Can I ask what type of psychology they worked with you on? I might need to look for someone who uses a different approach.

[CoraC]

Hi nmc333

your post contents could have been written almost word for word by me.

i have had some terrible workplace experiences which have unfortunately not been limited to one or two workplaces. I too have taken the approach of dropping down in role scope and as A result, remuneration too. But I have been so damaged by roles requiring more responsibility, I feel I cannot go back to those types of positions anymore. I empathise a lot with what,you have to say.

'i am here 'has excellent advice about what to say in an interview. Some employers , not to mention employees, are so nosy. I currently work in the public service where people are regularly, if not daily, referred to by their pay grade level, eg rather than Kim, the Coordinator, it's Kim the '3.'

I Feel most employers are a long was from understanding the impact of anxiety, bullying, toxic workplaces. I feel there would be very few employers who'd take an employee on after hearing them say theses things in say an interview setting, even if that person has found their own solution to keep going in the workplace, ie dropping back a level or so. I've also used the words carer responsibilities in an interview as to reasons I cannot commit to a higher responsibility job. It's a white lie, other than caring for myself.

let us know how you go, nmc.

[nmc333]

Hi CoraC 🙂

Thank you for your post. As much as I wish you had never had the same experiences, it is nice to know I'm not alone. I think perhaps this is more common than we both think.

I think it's really brave of you to follow your heart and take a few steps back in responsibility in order to keep your mental health at a better place.

Since posting this I have taken the advice from 'Here I Am' and it's helped me tackle the question from a place of strength.

I am just going to try and keep pressing on and trust in God (I am a Christian) that I will find the right position and role.

I will keep you posted. Thanks again for reaching out.

[nmc333]

Hi there,

I just wanted to say I've since taken your advice and used your wording to help me with a job conversation recently. Your advice has been so helpful, I cannot thank you enough 🙂