Afternoon everyone,
I hope you're all enjoying your weekend.
I wanted to tell you my story and not because I'm looking for sympathy, but because I look back on it now as something almost positive. Of course though, at the time it felt like I had literally collapsed into a hollow shell.
It all began on an average weekend. My fiance was getting ready to visit his parent's place for a birthday celebration. I was supposed to go along, but the idea of being around people and two very energetic dogs was panic-inducing so I decided to stay home. I felt so low that I stayed in bed all afternoon.
The next morning I woke up for work and almost immediately felt so completely overwhelmed. Trying to get dressed left me in a mess on the floor, tears streaming down my face and my mind whirling. I called my fiance and told him something was really wrong. He didn't hesitate and came home immediately. By then I was starting to shut down and all I could think was, what was happening to me?
I went to my doctor & I couldn't say a word so my fiance did all the communicating for me. At one point he was so desperate to help me that, under the advice of my doctor, he took me to the hospital to be assessed. Again I couldn't say or do anything. I felt so empty as if all my emotions had been drained from me. Everything going on around me was so overwhelming that I just wanted to hide.
In the weeks that followed my fiance slowly had to reintroduce me to the world. Literally. A walk around the block was terrifying, going to the shops almost wrecked me and then I had to face going back to work. However, with help from my doctor, medication, a psychologist and most importantly my fiance I rebuilt myself and got back into my life.
It's a time in my life I will never forget and in fact, I look back on it as my "inciting incident", the moment my life changed for the better. It's now quite clear to me that I have mental illnesses of which I have had since I was very young and something I have openly discussed with my Mum. What I went through to truly understand and acknowledge this about myself wasn't easy, but I'm glad it's happened because I have a newfound sense of who I am. I am a normal person living with mental health issues.
Daily life can and is still a struggle, I just quit my job because I had a relapse, but I accept & understand that. Anxiety and depression won't define me, and I'm glad I can acknowledge that they are apart of me after so many years of not knowing.
