something missing

something_missing · ‎17-10-2017

hi to everybody. mmm where to start. pretty sure i got social anxiety.dont like a crowds. if i go i will stay for a while but then i need to get out. i usually leave without anybody knowing.used to laugh alot [no not camalot] and joke a fair bit but it has gone by the way side. i have always been an outsider but still mangaged to socialise a bit. i live by myself on a station which is not helping the situation ,i have come to relise this . am medatating atm but i have neg thoughts more than i care. i catch myself doing it and stop and try to be positive. probably joined up on this site to look for help but have some communation as well. have been thinking of going back down sth to my cousins farm next yr to be around more people which is oxymoron as i dont like a lot of people around me.

something_missing · ‎31-10-2017

hi jay. ewww move to the city noooooooo. a bigger country town i can do . i just spent the weekend in carnarvon and had a great time . made me realise i have to get out more. since i have been on this site i have been feeling a bit more of my old self. i will definitly be seeing a doc to try and get on a CBT program. one thing i have noticed and this has been going on for some time is i can talk to people but i have trouble in keeping a conversation going. also if there is a lot of people in a room all talking at once , give me about 15 mins and i need to get out cause the old gray matter starts jacking up . i can actually feel my brain locking up and it just wont free up. this sort of thing has been happening all my life.used to happen at school , like an over load and then a shut down and of course the more i got yelled at or harrassed the more i shut down. if i have a problem at work or on a project i am working on if i can stop sit back and work it out ,but push me and all goes to crap.sometimes its a case of walk away ,come back later.any how thanks ,life is great and keep smiling

BballJ · ‎31-10-2017

Hi something missing,

I apologise, I misunderstood what you meant by move, a bigger country town still sounds great none the less. I am happy you will look into CBT, I think you find benefits from it and I think in turn it will help with those uneasy feelings of being a crowded room or not being able to sustain a conversation, it all links in together which I know you will find of benefit. I am glad these forums are helping you feel like your old self again, that is quite important and your grasp of it all is awesome.

My best,

Jay

Guest_128 · ‎01-11-2017

Dude I am so sorry,been flat out and have wanted to post and tried so many time. I have so many questions for you . I will try to be gentle.

You actually sound like you know yourself very well,most people don't,they have no clue how they are feeling.

Are you to old for b&s,tennis,footy,golf,etc.

I know you are remote, here's the but, I know remote, what was funny was the day you posted my hubby travelled 2hr to pick up our very dear long relationship friend, he flew his plane to get work done on it,stayed two nights and then got a bus to 1/3 way home. It takes 13hrs to drive to his property,anyway on the properties it amazes me the amount of people that pass through,work,holidays,drop of,or just a neighbor wanting a cuppa. Join some of the clubs.

how do the owners/workers treat you?

God dam do you have burra??????????????????????????

You actually have a gift, you love life!

What's the go with family?

I recon try and share what you love and the rest will follow.

You have a huge soul.

You already found so called god.

Dory

Guest_128 · ‎01-11-2017

If there is school of the air, have you looked into, Mental Health ,classes, medical professionals?

something_missing · ‎02-11-2017

hi ya yeah someone else lives in the middle of nowhere. dont know about u but it is an amazing life ,cause it really is a life style. i have been replying to some other people on this site to encourage them and let them know they are not alone. i am actually enjoying trying to help and encourage them.not to sure how long i have got out here as the stn is on the market. i do like living out bush but i think that having bigger work force around to socailize would probably benifit.have been thiking about looking for work up nth or in town here but was also thinking about going back to family farm. thats part of my problem is i cant make a firm desicion.to many choices.hello im back just been down cattle yds turning off water to the trees, then sat on bike for a while .absolutily beauitful nite full moon and makes life worth living. now i am 56 healthy but not as fit as i was can still work all day but at a slower pace. the people i work for are the best ,u r part of the family business not just a worker . ha we had a pink stump day in town 2 weeks ago and i tryed playing cricket .oh dear the body dont work like it used to.my dad died in 2004 , me and my step mum never got on and i havent spoken to her since dads passing . my dads side of the family has the farm and i am always wecome there. iam a believer in the cosmos throwing u a curve ball ever now and then but u also have to make ur own path through life. and sometimes no matter how hard u try if it isnt meant to be it wont happen no matter what u do. sometimes u just wonder why this or that happened but there is always a reason.[although sometimes i wonder]. m half sister has cancer and struggling ,we were never that close ,my half brother and me get on fine. i have two boys to my first marrage older one marryed younger one living with partner and one beauitful 2yr old hazel[smiles] will let u know tomorrow y i am thinking about going back sth. thanks dory great typing to u ha ha life is great keep smiling

BballJ · ‎02-11-2017

Hi something missing,

I know you were typing back to Dory_ but I found something interesting in your post, you said you have been typing to others on these forums and helping them, that is great and honestly when I joined these forums I came looking for help but found more peace in helping others try to understand their mental health issues, keep it up, it can all help in the long run.

My best,

Jay

something_missing · ‎03-11-2017

hin ya jay good to hear from u. i am enjoying reading other peoples posts, it has made me realise mytroubles r small to some other peoples but at the same time i am feeling better about myself .communicting like this is helping me to learn about how to listen to people . i watch ted talks a bit and there r some very interresting people out there with amasing topics, one was about being a better listener.when reading other posts i am careful as to whom i reply as i only want to offer encougement so i need to have some understanding of what they may be going through.i am stunned at the amount of woman that r in a bad realationship and cant get out . i feel very sorry for them as they do not deserve to be treated that way. also the amount of anxiety that people have and not being able to get over the hurdle over going to see someone. it does take time and once they take it i hope it gets easier for them.this site is a great place to start . thank jay

something_missing · ‎04-11-2017

morning jay . forgot to mention that i have been diagnosed with add . was taken meds but didnt like the effect so stopped. my ex was like a steam train and wanted instant results which didnt help ,hence now single . any how besides that i had a feeling laying in bed this morning which i havent had for ages. a feeling a complete void. i think that is the rite word .i used to get it a fair bit even when i had a partner.it is odd feeling ,u feeling completly nothing, it is a feeling of complete lonelyness. it is the oddess feeling out .i think they call it depression. also my mind was doing it uasual thing of lets get into top gear NOW no,no,no we wont worry about first gear. but this void feeling is real hard to explain, just like your in space and all very quite. now heres a thought, is this my mind actually resting and i am not knowing what it is. if it is i will have to admit it is pretty scarry. i have only thought about this since being on this site. this is a good site,u get to express ur feeling without judgement. if this is depression then the people that have it bad i feel for them as it could be as debilitating as migraines & i have had a few of them . found out most of that was stress related.this void feeling i had is odd ,u are there in your room but at the same time your not ,then i got thinking were did this come from got outa bed [ at 5am] had coffee and put the slow cooker on [shes my bestest friend] i mean what else do u do at 5 am on a saturday morning [lordy lordy] . this feeling i have been getting for many yrs but have only just worked out what it could be . any way thanks have a great weekend

BballJ · ‎07-11-2017

Hi something missing,

Thanks for your update, in regards to your first post, I think posting here where you can is great, it isn't to minimise how you are feeling at all as how you are feeling is just as important as everyone else but it gives you so clarity on your situation if that makes sense. It allows you to see your issues and relate to theirs and understand your one's a little better.

I haven't experienced that feeling of complete void, I have heard of it before but never heard it described like that, sounds very interesting, what happened when you got up and made a coffee, did you feel back to normal again?

My best,

Jay

something_missing · ‎18-11-2017

hi jay been off line ,computer probs. yeah once i got outa bed made coffee and moved aronud a bit was ok the brain started up again . meet someone the other day and started talking about health issues ,told me her mind used to race as well but is now on meds and this has stopped her mind racing . we were liying on the beach and i asked her what she was thinking and she said nothing .she told me that since her meds she can rest and there is no thoughts going on . the brain does not engage in any thoughts or ideas at all is my understanding. she said it is quite peacefull. so if i am lying in bed and i have this void feeling ,then i wonder if this is my brain trying to shut down and rest. if itis it is going to take a fair bit of getting used to,as it is a very empty feeling,and i dont know if i am comfortable with it. it would b great to have that peace in the head, atm the only peace i get is through medatation. any way have a great day and keep smiling