Sinking at Work

[vivid_idea]

Hi all, I’m new here. I really feel like I need support. I started a new job 5 months ago working in a role I have no experience in with just one other in the organisation (CEO) 

I am struggling with intense feelings of worthlessness, inability, and self-doubt ever since I started. My boss doesn’t explain things to me, passively-aggressively makes me feel like he is spending too much time on explaining things to me, and expects me to know what I am doing. I can’t resign without finding another job (have been looking and applying desperately but nothing has eventuated) I just feel so alone, sick in my stomach most of the time, heart palpitations and headaches. I don’t know for how muck longer I can feel this way as 5 months is a long time. To top it off, I have an impending business trip next week with him and I feel so uncomfortable, I just don’t want to go. Please help. What do people do when they are stuck in a toxic job without any other options? I need a job to pay the mortgage and put food on the table

[indigo22]

Hi Vivid_idea,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

Many years ago, I was working as a temp and did a couple of weeks with a manager who was constantly in meetings. I had to figure out what he wanted so I wasn't sitting idle. That was easy because it was just a large mail out and did what I knew how to do.

Because I could think for myself in that way, he offered me a full time position and I accepted. Then the real test began. I was mostly working with Excel spreadsheets but had no experience with it. My boss was a natural when it came to maths, but that was never my strong suit. He would give me the basic idea of what he wanted me to produce, then I had to figure out how to do it. I did that by using the 'help' in the program and took the draft to my boss for any changes. The part that was really difficult was getting formulas to work correctly. It took some trial and error so that the math worked out as it should but over time it got easier.

Have you considered the possibility that this role is a test or a lesson in standing up for yourself?

If your boss was aware that you took on the role without experience (as mine was), then he is not playing fair to expect you to know what you are doing without help. Sometimes my boss would get frustrated with me too, but I reminded him that I was doing my best with the little experience I had and he needed to be patient while I learned.

You are allowing your boss to undermine your self confidence, that can only happen it you don't set boundaries for yourself and stand up to the passive-aggressive behaviour. For example - "Why would you give me this job in the first place if you were not willing to help me learn how to do the job?" Without boundaries, people will take advantage of that, sometimes unthinkingly, sometimes intentionally. But if you set boundaries and let them know where those boundaries are, often this will change the way you are treated. There is nothing wrong with demanding respect from someone you work for. You are as entitled to respect as your boss is.

I hope this helps,

indigo