Severe OCD

[__2]

Hello,

To give some context, I have suffered from anxiety for many years now, which also gradually grew into OCD, mainly with washing my hands excessively and fear of contamination, however recently it has become very extreme. I find it very difficult to put what I've been feeling into words, but I will try to articulate it as best I can.

About a month ago I went out with a few of my friends and I ended up getting relatively intoxicated, I remember it being an enjoyable and quite uneventful night. However, the next day i went home and I started making myself believe that I had done something absolutely horrible, and I gradually made the scenario worse and worse in my head, since then i have been obsessing and convincing myself that I have done the most horrific thing ever imaginable, when I know deep down I haven't and would never do such a thing. I had no real reason to do this/indication that I had done anything, but I think I have associated alcohol with memory loss and I've made myself believe that "well, if i cant remember it, who knows what could of occurred/what I'm capable of". I have been experiencing debilitating guilt constantly ever since then, for something that I know is completely absurd. Prior to this, I had been experiencing pretty much exactly the same thing from another time, convincing myself I had done something horrendous. The thoughts from most recent night have replaced those thoughts with a even more extreme scenario.

These thoughts have also made me believe I am contaminated and disgusting, which has caused me to wash my hands a very excessive amount, roughly about an entire container of soap per day (to the point where I am getting cuts/splits on my hands due to how much they are being washed). This has also stopped me from going out and doing things in fear that I will contaminate places or people, and I have pretty much done nothing but sit in my room and wash my hands. I have become extremely depressed and anxious constantly.

I have never spoken about my mental health, this is my first time ever talking about my mental health, but i feel it is finally necessary as It has become extremely bad. Although I am sceptical because how will it ever be proven that I didn't do what I'm making myself believe i did? It can never been proven or shown to me with definitive proof that I didn't do it, and I can't imagine I will feel better unless I know for a fact the situation(s) did not occur.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[Alexlisa]

The treatment found to be most effective for OCD is called Exposure Response Prevention (ERP). You can Google it for information, but basically it’s based on the idea that we take gradual steps to expose ourselves to the thing that’s triggering us, while we don’t respond with a compulsion. I know you might be thinking that you don’t have compulsions (like say checking the stove), but you do. They can be mental compulsions like going over and over things in your head, checking for evidence you did or didn’t do something...). It starts at the tiniest little step so that it feels hard, but never impossible. And the key is to have someone work with you so that they can help you structure it and feel supported. It’s true that treating intrusive thoughts can be quite tough, but all OCD works on the same fear of uncertainty and we need help to learn how to sit with that.

If you go to your GP you can ask for a Mental Health Care Plan that will allow you to see a psychologist 10 times per year for free. It’s probably best if you try to find a psychologist that does ERP, and it’s totally fine to call or email them to ask before you make an appointment. The treatment for OCD is quite specific, so best you get someone who knows what to do.

There’s a couple of good resources that I know of that you might also find helpful. There’s an Australian therapist working in the USA who specialises in OCD and anxiety. Her name is Kimberly Quinlan and she has a podcast called ‘Your Anxiety Toolkit’.

Another podcast is ‘The OCD Stories’ by Stuart Ralph. They’re both great resources, such knowledgeable and caring individuals interviewing specialists in the area. It might help you to understand what you’re going through a bit better, and feel less alone. Because trust me, you’re not alone in your experiences.

I hope you’ll consider getting help. There are so many good psychologists out there. Mine has changed my life and I couldn’t have done it without her guidance and knowledge. The other thing that has helped me is medication. It took me a long while to agree to take medication, because I had this belief that I should be strong enough to fix myself. But now I see taking my medication as no different than if I needed insulin for diabetes. They’re both real illnesses, with real help available. You deserve to be supported, please reach out.

Take care OK,
Alexlisa

[__2]

Hey Alexlisa,

Thank you so much for such a detailed and informed response, I really do appreciate it. I’m sorry for the late response, my sleep schedule is in a really bad state.

They seem like really good suggestions and I will definitely look into everything you’ve mentioned. I will look into everything and try to give an update/get back to you, aswell as geoff and helium.

Once again, thank you very much for taking the time to respond in such depth, it means a lot.

[Guest5643]

Fantastic response alexlisa👍

I just need to clarify the 10 visit mental health plan isn't free. It costs roughly between $60-$100 per visit after medicare rebate.

[Alexlisa]

Hi Helium,

You’re right that there can be a gap to pay after the rebate, but there are also psychologists who do bulk bill. Especially if you ask. If you have trouble finding one it’s also possible that they will do reduced billing if you ask. So the fee may be as little as $20. Thanks for reminding me I need to clarify this.